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"You were letting me use you?" I felt my eyes sting with more tears. It's even worse than I thought. Pity orgasms. Fuck. "What does that even mean?"
He held my face in his palms and used his thumbs to brush my tears aside before he answered. "It means that I wanted to help you and give you whatever you needed to feel better."
"Orgasms aren't included in the patient care handbook." I couldn't look anywhere but into his eyes since he held me like he wasn't planning to let me go anytime soon. I was burning with embarrassment, wishing I could look away, but he wouldn't allow it. I felt heat settle low between my legs.
"They should be, because an orgasm was exactly what you needed at the time. You slept like a baby after the third one."
Three orgasms? Jesus.
"You're an evil bastard for not telling me what happened between us that night, James, and don't you even try to deny it."
"I try very hard to never be bastardly with you." He had the nerve to smirk at me. "You're one of the few people on the planet I actually make a concerted effort of being polite."
"Oh, you were definitely bastardly." I squirmed to pull out of his grip. "And trying to make light of it isn't helping your case, Mr. Slick Attorney."
He laughed at my comment and held me firm, as if I my struggles were mere amusement for him.
"The next morning when I was coherent, I even asked you if we could talk about the kissing and whatever went down after the ER visit. You said no."
I feel sick. I can't believe this.
I still hadn't given up on trying to free myself, because I knew if he got any closer to me I'd be doomed. I could barely think as the weight of his body pressed into me. The scent of spice with a swirl of his own unique flavor added into the mix of him crowding me onto the leather seat, and I was about done for.
"Fuck. Would you stop fighting me for a goddamn minute," he snapped, giving me a small shake for emphasis. "I'm not letting you go." And he meant it, because he didn't loosen his hold. "If you had recalled it the next morning, we would have talked, but when you didn't remember anything from the previous night, I made the decision to wait things out. That's on me, yes, but I didn't do it to use you or to hurt you in any way, Win. I wanted us both to be on equal footing, and we weren't that night with you as high as a kite on meds. I never planned to seduce you and keep it a secret."
"But that's basically what happened. You seduced me and kept it a secret," I managed to whisper, even though he did have a valid point. I had been incapacitated from the drugs they gave me.
"No." He shook his head sharply. "I did not. That's the God's honest truth. You asked me to touch you after—you kissed me. So, I asked you where you wanted to be touched. You answered 'anywhere…everywhere' and went wild when I followed your instructions. I would do anything for you, Win. There was no denying you. And there's no fucking way when I was given the opportunity to touch you, serve you, that I would turn it down. Do you think I'm made of stone or something?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. Instead, a wave of red-hot shame cloaked me like a blanket.
He wasn't lying.
Every word of what he said was true.
As he explained how the events of that night unfolded, I pieced it back together with him. It had happened just like he said. I came on to him. I begged him to touch me.
Oh. Please. Let me die now.
"M-m-my in-structions?" I stuttered weakly.
"It was the sexiest fuckin' thing I've ever seen, and I want to do it again," he replied just before his lips crashed into mine.
My resistance ended the moment I felt him on me.
I melted beneath the demanding kiss, as he set me straight about what he wanted.
Me.
He thought what I'd done was…sexy? There was no denying you. And there's no fucking way when I was given the opportunity to touch you, serve you, that I would turn it down. And here I thought I knew so much about this man.
Years of living with my feelings only cemented what I knew. I was so lost in him. I always had been, and I knew that I'd accept whatever he offered and deal with the consequences later.
My face was held in the grip of both hands as he plundered my mouth, taking me further under his spell with each slide of his tongue. I savored the taste and the feel of him against me, the rough abrasion of beard stubble covering my lips, the scent of his spicy-sweet cologne tantalizing my nose, and the press of his thumbs caressing my neck. He held me completely under his spell, as he pulled me deeper into a place I'd wanted to go for so long, that I couldn't remember a time when I hadn't desired him. I'd never felt more cherished, or more wanted than right now. The way he held on to me made me believe he really did feel more for me than I'd ever dared to imagine. No other man had ever compared to James.
I knew no man ever would.
Every person had self-truths—and this understanding of my feelings for James was one of mine.
