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Because we're barreling down the Freeway of Fucking at high speed with no brakes.
I was a careful person by nature. It was necessary to survive growing up with the manipulative and conceited father I had. Life experiences had made me into the man I was, and Winter would get a partial view into that tonight. It's impossible to hide your true self when you had your cock buried in someone who wanted it there, and the only thing on your mind was when and how hard you'd come. And how many times you made her scream your name through the multiple orgasms you made sure she had. And after that, how many times you could do it all again before you're satisfied, because you knew instinctively you'd never get enough of her.
More. I'd want more than this one night. I wanted all of her all the time. I wanted to be out in public with her on my arm. I wanted to come home to her after a long day. I wanted her as the mother of my future children. I wanted so fucking much…and all of it is with her.
The time for pondering this pointless shit was over, though.
She was right beside me—and she was waiting.
An ambulance screamed past us in the opposite direction, the shrill siren cutting through the tension with a jolt. Someone somewhere was probably dying on this cold wet night, while I was about to cross boundaries a lifetime in the making with my best friend's little sister.
I turned toward her and put my index finger to her chin. She didn't say a word, just looked at me with those gorgeous eyes of hers that spoke volumes in the silence. She was fucking beautiful with her lips still wet from my kiss. Her lips were going to stay wet from my kisses all night long.
"If at any point you change your mind about this, you need to tell me. Talk to me, and I'll hear you." I'd probably combust if she shut me down now.
It would hurt, but I'd live.
"I…I'm not going to change my mind, but maybe you will." She looked at where our other hands were still entwined. I never wanted to let go of her. Not ever.
"Why would you even say that?"
"I'm just not that—"
She shook her head in frustration as she continued to look at our hands.
"You're just not that…what?" I tipped her chin back up. "I need to see your eyes when you tell me why you think I'd change my mind about being with you." She didn't flinch, but I could tell her confidence was being tested. "I've wanted you for a long time. This is my fantasy moment," I added, trying to lighten the mood. It was the truth. The shocked surprise on her face? So worth it. Yes, beautiful. You are my fantasy.
"James, I'm…I'm not very…sexually experienced," she finally blurted.
She tugged her hand against my hold, which only made me grip tighter. I wouldn't let her pull away from me after that bombshell she'd just dropped. "Okay," I said calmly. "What does 'not sexually experienced' mean for you?" I couldn't quite wrap my head around the idea, and wasn't sure I should even ask, but of course I did, because it was sort of fucking vital that I knew the answer. "Are you trying to say you're a virgin?"
Holy fuck.
"Holy fuck" indeed, even though I couldn't imagine how it was possible. Shelton had hatched a plan to marry her. Surely the two of them had been intimate…
"Not a virgin." She shook her head again, but this time she kept her eyes on me. She was watching for my reaction, wanting to know if her news made a difference to me. It didn't, and I was careful not to show any surprise.
"Elaborate, darling. I need more information," I said as my heart started beating again.
In total relief.
She wasn't a virgin, and that helped. I was already doubting how far I could take her—take whatever the hell this was between us. But I also realized that if she "wasn't very experienced" as she put it, then her expectations would be right in line with that inexperience. Better for me. Better for us. I didn't want to fuck up and ruin what could be my only chance to show her what we could have together. Before she could answer, I rearranged our positions, effectively sitting her across my lap with her back supported by the corner area of the seat where I could see her eyes as we talked.
"Comfortable?"
She nodded slowly, her expression subtly mysterious. It felt like a reward to be able to look at her with no imposed time limit. For once. I don't have to hide anything from her. She can see the full force of how much I adore her. Love…her…
"Good, because I like having you in this position." And wasn't that the motherfucking truth? Having her over my lap felt like heaven.
"Why?" she asked softly.
"Why do I like you in this position?"
She nodded once.
I hesitated, needing to find the right words to answer without outright lying. She definitely wasn't ready to hear about my need for control during sex. Baby steps. Maybe we'd get there, maybe not. Worrying about it was pointless right now though.
"Because I like holding you and knowing you aren't going anywhere, that I've got you," I offered, the truth told the best I could. Telling her about the vision I really wanted to see—her tied to my bed where I could keep her pleasured for as long as I deemed it—wasn't exactly possible, so I focused on other points instead. "In this position, I can see your face right before I kiss you."
