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Emotion bubbled up in me as quickly as the question fell off her lips. I shook my head no and tried to tamp down the sudden urge to cry. "No, I—I j-just missed my appointment and then I ig-ignored the follow-up reminders…" So much for getting a grip on my emotions. Instead, I found myself sobbing my heart out on the shoulder of a doctor I'd never met before, who couldn't be a day over twenty-five. Awkward much?
"I think you need to be kinder to yourself, Winter. You lost your father and broke off an abusive relationship all in the last eight months. That's a lot." She rubbed my back in a slow circle. "It'll be okay. Have faith and know you're doing the right thing by being seen today."
It was plenty. It still is. And I am a first-class idiot for putting myself in this position.
"So, can we talk about your sexual history? What method of birth control were you using in lieu of the Depo?"
"Nothing." I winced as I answered her. "But, I wasn't having sex until a month ago. That's when I started seeing James, my boyfriend."
"Are you getting your periods?"
"No, I've not had one in a year. And honestly, that's the reason I wasn't super concerned, as no period means the Depo is still working, right?" God, my reasoning sounded so fucking dumb as I said it.
"That is a good sign, yes," she said carefully, "but I want to do a test before giving you another shot. And remember, you had antibiotics with your hand injury, so I can't rule out the interaction of certain drugs on a hormonal contraception like Depo Provera. It's not common, but it can certainly happen."
"Okay…but how accurate is the test? I mean, could a positive result even show up this early? We've only been active for a few weeks." A small flame of worry had started to flicker to life inside my chest.
"Very accurate. As early as fourteen days from conception…and it only takes one little swimmer to get the job done."
* * *
JAMES
I could tell something was wrong by the look on Marguerite's face. She'd been working for me for a long time, so I knew whatever it was couldn't be good news. Marguerite ran my law office with true efficiency, making sure I didn't waste my time on stupid shit, or people, who could fall into line and wait their fucking turn.
"James, there's a Dr. Cassandra Wilton on the line. She's calling from the South Boston Clinic on Munroe where…ahh…Winter is there with her. She says you need to come down right away and pick her up." Why couldn't she call me herself?
She. Was. Hysterical.
I didn’t know what I was expecting when I walked into that clinic, but Winter bursting into tears that streamed down her face wasn't it. The instant she saw me, she broke down into sobs and turned away, refusing to meet my eyes.
I was a problem solver by nature. Always had been. Especially when it came to people I knew, because I wanted to help them fix their problems. That's something important to me as an attorney, one of the better parts about my job. But this situation was far beyond a job. This was Winter—the woman I loved—behaving completely out of character. Winter didn't have emotional breakdowns or hysterical bouts of crying that I'd ever witnessed over the twenty-plus years I'd known her. She was terribly upset, yes, but what really struck me was how she would not look at me.
As if she was ashamed...
So, I assessed.
Winter was in a medical clinic around the corner from where she volunteered…having a motherfucking meltdown. But she didn't look hurt or sick, or injured in any way that I could tell. So, my inner Sherlock Holmes took it a step further and studied the evidence in the room. A small plastic cup of what looked like probably urine, swabs, long thin white test strips with blue ends, and most importantly, one shell-shocked girlfriend. My mystery-loving, deducing-ass figured it out as my heart thumped out of my chest and flopped around still beating on the floor of that exam room.
She's pregnant?
"Winter? Can we talk about why you're so upset? I'm here…and you need to know there is nothing you could tell me right now that will change how I feel about you or…us." I knelt on the floor in front of her and picked up her hands to hold them in mine. I caressed the back of her hand and stroked my finger over the scar along her thumb, remembering the night when she'd come to me bleeding and terrified. Everything had started between us because of it. That one event could be the difference between us as we were now, and never finding our way to be with each other.
So, I'd have to take that one as fate. And I fucking love fate right now.
I take this new surprise as fate, too. If we were having a baby together, then all my self-doubt pondering if I could keep her was in my fucking past. Winter would be my wife and the mother of my children. I'd just been given the keys to the kingdom of my happily ever after…with the love of my life.
This was one enormous thank you to God, from me. I'll be sure to thank you in person next time I'm in church, big guy. I might have to make a special trip to St. Clement and light a candle before then, though, because I didn't show up there very often.
"I love you, Win. Focus on that while you find your words to tell me what's got you so upset. I'll wait until you can." I didn't coddle or try to force her; I was patient…and simply continued to trace my finger up and down her scar.
She shifted her head and turned toward me, her long hair falling forward and clinging to her tear-streaked cheeks, eyes still tightly closed. I gently tucked her hair behind her ears to get it out of her face, but nothing else. Winter had to be the one to go first.
She let me finish fixing her hair before leaning a bit more toward me, as if closing the physical distance between us was giving her strength. I really hoped that was the case. Then, on an anguished whisper she said, "James…" Simply my name. Then, a terrible shuddering breath came out from her chest and her sad green eyes finally opened to mine.
I was waiting with a smile, ready to wait forever if I needed to.
"I'm pregnant." She whispered it, utterly devastated as she spoke those two words out loud.
