The silence stretched as Lo watched me struggle through the invitation. Whereas a moment before I couldn’t read her expression, now her emotion was plain enough to see.
After a pitying sigh, Lauren said, “We’re in really different places, Candy. I have a husband and two kids at home and not a lot of free time to grab drinks or coffee or brunch or whatever you usually do to catch up.”
She saidcatch uplike she thought I was hoping to convert her to Scientology or maybe get her in on the ground floor of my pyramid scheme. Instead of just hoping to try to know someone again—a person I used to know as well as I knew myself.
Although, maybe that wasn’t right. Perhaps I hadn’t known Lauren Walker at all because I never thought she would have been capable of leaving me alone in a new city and quitting our friendship cold turkey. Lo could be mercenary and painfully practical. She held grudges like a security blanket and didn’t take shit from anyone. But in all our years of friendship, she’d never directed that part of herself at me. She’d defended me ruthlessly.
In the end, I’d felt like a cliché, and worse, an oblivious one. It was natural for friendships to fade away—especially following high school graduation. Long distance was hard to maintain for a romantic relationship, why wouldn’t it be difficult for a friendship as well? Not that I’d ever gotten the chance to find out.
I’d been ignorant to think our lives wouldn’t drift apart. I remembered feeling so stupid for being blindsided by what anyone could have probably seen coming, and then dumber still for being hurt by it.
The truth was, I’d never understood the reason for my quick excision from Lo’s life.
And standing on a similar sidewalk—this time in my hometown—I couldn’t comprehend the brush-off now. But instead of arguing or crying, I simply replied, “Sure. Okay.”
“I need to run,” Lo said.
“Right,” I rasped. My throat was doing that closing-up thing and I was barely getting air, so I wasn’t sure how that word managed to escape but it had, and I could feel my face flush as a result.
“Welcome home, Candy.” And then Lo turned and left me behind just as easily as she’d done it the first time.
I didn’t mean to stare after her like a dramatic teenager, but I honestly had a hard time remembering what I was doing out here.
Farther down the block, a figure stepped out onto the path—a strong, solid form.Mark.
Shit. Mark. We were supposed to be at Apollo’s talking to Magdaline about the food truck. Seeing Lo had?—
Lo passed by him just then, and I was close enough to see the way his eyes narrowed beneath the bill of his hat in recognition and then his gaze hurriedly searched the surrounding area until he found me, standing statue-still beneath an awning and incapable of putting one foot in front of the other.
Mark strode in my direction, his gait confident and sure but his expression hard.
God, I hoped he wasn’t mad that I’d kept him waiting.
I told myself to get it together, and eventually, my feet got the message. Mark and I met in the middle and drifted toward the side of the path so that any foot traffic could easily maneuver around us.
“I’m so sorry,” I practically yelled at the same time Mark said, “Are you okay?”
His softly uttered question was at odds with his intense stare and tight jaw. His words and genuine concern had all those messy feelings and throat-clenching tendencies of mine roaring back with a vengeance.
I wanted to be normal about this. Nothing had happened, not really. I ran into someone I used to know. I was being ridiculous by giving the exchange so much weight. It wasn’t like losing Lo all those years ago.
Yet the truth was, Iwantedto cry. Not just for the brush-off this afternoon, but for the girl I’d been seven years ago, for the friendship I’d mourned. How I’d called for months and hadn’t gotten so much as a text in return. All those times I’d woken up crying in my sleep, sitting up afterward feeling embarrassed and disoriented in my dorm room. How those dreams filled with memories of Lo and home had gone on longer than I ever had anticipated. The way I’d tried to make new friends at a new school in a new city all while grieving a loss I didn’t understand.
In my experience, losing a best friend was so much harder than losing aboyfriend. Maybe I’d never loved a boy that much, or maybe I’d known that finding your soulmate in the form of a friend was much rarer.
“Of course. I’m fine,” I finally said, butfinecame out with hardly any sound, just the shape of the word on my lips and tears pooling in my eyes.
Mark didn’t do the panicked guy thing when presented with a woman’s emotions. He just nodded, as reliable and assured as he did everything else. And then he stepped forward and wrapped me up in a hug.
I held on tight, my arms going around his waist, thankful and mortified and everything in between. I rested my chin on his shoulder and noted, gratefully, that I didn’t see Lo’s retreating form anywhere.
Mark was so warm and strong. I felt protected, inside and out. Like he wasn’t just shielding my body but keeping my heart safe and secure as well. Mark was always careful and controlled; whereas, I was open and free with my affection. I patted arms and gave hugs and whacked shoulders and kissed cheeks.
I supposed I should have been embarrassed by Mark’s pity hug and my display of emotions that had elicited it. But, somehow, I didn’t think he was judging me.
He rubbed soothing circles on my upper back. I felt his calloused palms catch on the fabric of my tee shirt every so often, and I liked the contrast between his strength and how gentle he was capable of being.
“I’m being silly,” I said, my voice steady once more.
