“Okay,” I repeated, like an idiot. I needed to get out of this lavender-scented office before I did something embarrassing, like ask her to marry me. “I’ll see you later.”
“Bye, Mark.”
“Bye, Candace.” Then with a glance over her head, I added, “Bye, Lance Bass.”
Her happy laughter stayed with me, keeping me warm on the chilly October morning.
I offered to help Candace and Brady close, but Candace told me to go ahead and she’d see me in a few hours. I used the time to pick up around my already clean house, change the sheets, shower, and trim my beard.
Candace still had another hour at the farm, and I was pacing around my house feeling absurdly nervous. I’d had to go out and get condoms from a convenience store in Miller Creek because I didn’t have any in the house. I hadn’t needed them. Despite being divorced for two and a half years, I hadn’t dated or hooked up with anyone. And with the circumstances surrounding my marriage, I hadn’t been with anyone since college—since before Hannah and I had gotten married.
I kept one eye on the clock and tried to rein in my worries.
Truthfully, I hadn’t really let myself think about this, the reality of being with Candace. What it would be like, how she’d taste, the sounds she’d make. Fantasies were supposed to be filthy, but the kinds of things I thought about regarding Candace Judd were embarrassingly innocent, yet no less vulnerable.
Swinging in the hammock together on a spring afternoon, her slender body cocooned in my arms while light filtered through the trees overhead, highlighting the gold strands in her hair. Taking her up to Craggy Peak for a night shoot while she sat in the bed of my truck, starlight glittering in her eyes. Working side by side in the Apple House on a busy Saturday, sharing smiles and secret touches. A bottle of lavender-scented shampoo sitting in the shower on a shelf right next to mine.
My fantasies were forbidden in a different way. The most obvious reason was that they could never happen, not for any length of time anyway.
Candace was leaving. She was my co-worker. She was a Judd. I couldn’t screw any part of that up. And I couldn’t change the truth of it either.
But there was also the secret part of me thatdidwonder what it would be like—all of it. The sound of her moan vibrating against my lips, the softness of her inner thigh,andthat damn shampoo bottle.
That reckless, curious part was living out another fantasy when I opened the door to Candace’s quiet knock.
She’d showered and changed. Her long hair was slightly damp and bound in a thick braid that draped over one shoulder. I liked thinking that she’d rushed a little, eager to get here, impatient to see me. I didn’t have wet hair to show for it, but I did have an anxious path I’d worn on the carpet and my heart racing at the sight of her.
She held a bakery box in her hands and a large tote bag slung over one shoulder.
“Hi,” I said, opening the door wide and relieving her of her burdens.
Candace removed her shoes and socks and left them by the front door.
“Hey,” she finally replied, a little too loud considering how close we were.
I fought my smile and led her into the kitchen. “How’d it go tonight?”
“Oh, uh, it was good. The empanada food truck always draws a crowd, and the band was nice. Just instrumental acoustic covers. It was a good vibe. Is it hot in here?”
I placed the white box on the counter and turned to see Candace fanning her face with one hand and awkwardly attempting to shrug out of her denim jacket with the other.
Oddly, seeing her sudden bout of nerves helped to calm me. It was nice to know I wasn’t the only one affected by the possibility of tonight.
With sure steps, I closed the distance between us and helped ease her jacket the rest of the way off, tracing her arm beneath the fabric. “I can turn down the heat if you like.”
“No, that’s okay,” she said, following this with a deep, centering breath.
“Candace,” I murmured quietly. Her wide hazel eyes snapped to mine, a little more green than gold in this light. “We don’t have to do anything you’re not ready to do. We can eat the dessert you brought and watch another movie. There’s no pressure here, okay? No expectations.”
She nodded along as I spoke, but then as soon as I stopped, she pushed up onto her toes and kissed me. It wasn’t tentative or cautious. Candace kissed me like she couldn’t help herself. And then just as quickly, she pulled back, keeping her eyes closed a moment longer.
“I know you’d never put any pressure on me, Mark. But I—I want this. I want you. It’s hard to be around you at work. I want to touch you and kiss you.” Her hands splayed across my chest as she spoke, smoothing the fabric of my tee shirt. “I’m just nervous all of a sudden. I care about you, and I want to be good for you. I?—”
Leaning forward, I cut her off with my lips. Then as I pressed featherlight kisses to the corners of her mouth and her cheeks and her eyelids, I admitted, “You don’t have to worry about that, I promise. Just you being here, that’s all I want.” Another duet of soft kisses along her jaw. “That’s all I need.”
Her fingers curled in the waistband of my jeans as I moved my lips gently along the column of her throat. The backs of her fingers were cool against my abdomen, but she didn’t need to worry about keeping me close. I wasn’t going anywhere.
Candace made a sound, low in her throat as my tongue dipped into the hollow beside her collarbone, so I did it again.
