He raised accusatory eyebrows. “Is it? Because normal people don’t keep whole-ass relationships a secret from their families and friends. Not unless they’re doing something they’re ashamed of.”
“Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, okay? But I’m not ashamed or whatever you’re making this out to be. I just needed it to stay under wraps for a while. I needed time.”
Abby’s eyes bulged. “The secrecy wasyouridea?”
“Yeah,” I admitted.
“Who even are you right now?”
I reluctantly set my burrito down and sighed. “I needed time to make her fall in love with me, okay? Time to see that we’re right for each other. Without distractions. Without expectations. Without reminders of our history and our past getting in the way. Without this town and the fucking Facebook group reminding her how much she’s always hated me.”
I knew without seeing the look on my best friend’s face that this hadn’t been my smartest move. And I was plenty aware that I’d been dragging my feet on being honest with Mac about what I wanted. But the truth, plain and simple, was ... I was afraid of losing her. I didn’t want to be added to the list of men who couldn’t hold MacKenzie Clark’s attention—who couldn’t earn her love.
“Trying to surround your relationship in Bubble Wrap is completely unrealistic,” Abby finally replied. “Love doesn’t exist in a vacuum. And it’s been months. Does she love you back?”
“Man, why are you pushing this?” I could hear the irritation in my tone as uncertainty twisted my stomach in knots. I’d thought Mac and I were getting somewhere. I’d thought?—
Abby must have noticed my mounting frustration, too, because he sighed and said, “I don’t want you to get hurt.”
I shook my head in exasperated disbelief. “You’ve been giving me shit about Mac since I was thirteen years old. You finally got your wish. I realized I was in love with her.”
“But is she in love with you?”
I hesitated.
I’d been tallying up proof in an imaginary ledger all this time. Every kiss, every text, every step forward. But in the face of my friend’s question, I could only think of the deficit column. Her reaction at the family dinner at Maggie’s. The way she’d smuggled me out of her house rather than introduce me to her grandparents. The way she’d taken off this morning without a word.
With doubts swirling and my head pounding, I ignored the question. “I’m going to talk to her about going public, being together for real.”
Abby gave me a look I’d seen many times over the years. It was the you-are-so-full-of-shit staredown he’d perfected at age eleven.
“Damn, I will, okay?” I insisted. “It was my stupid idea anyway. I’ll fix it.”
“I hope it works out the way you want it to, Brady. I really do. But secrets and lies are ...” He took a deep breath, and for the first time in my life, I wondered what secrets Abby was keeping. “This is the definition of fuck around and find out. All I’m saying is, be careful. You can’t hide away from the world forever.”
I picked up my burrito again and grumbled, “It’s not the whole world, Abigail. Just Kirby Falls.”
Abby nodded, the hint of a smile twisting his lips. “Well, for some of us, it’s the same thing.”
We ate in awkward silence until my family arrived a few minutes later. Abby made a pot of coffee while my parents and sisters and Mercer crowded me and loved me in the way only a family with boundary issues could. I was grateful for it. Glad to have people who cared.
While my mom loaded my favorite foods into my refrigerator and my dad and Joan and Mercer chatted with Abby in the kitchen, Candace pulled me aside.
“So, uh,” she began uncertainly, “I’m prepping for that garden party event at the orchard, you know?”
I nodded, a little confused why she was bringing up promotional events and whispering about them.
“I scheduled some social media posts to announce it,” she said anxiously.
Uhhh.
“And while I was on Chatter ...”
Shit.
“I noticed some drafted posts.” Candace winced.
I sat down hard on the couch and ran a palm down my face, mortified and slightly nauseous that my baby sister had read my pathetic inner monologue and secret feelings.
