But, Brady—he was bitter and cold, and, suddenly I wanted to cry and run away.
“I don’t know, Brady. I just can’t keep doing this. It wasn’t going to last forever.”
“Why not?” he snapped.
I frowned in confusion. “You wanted to stay in a secret relationship forever? How exactly were we supposed to manage that?”
He sighed. “Forget the secret thing. That was?—”
“Forget it?” I asked incredulously. “You were the one who said it had to be that way.”
“And why do you think I did that, Mac?”
Frustrated anger was a little easier to pick out now in the mass of emotions swirling around my gut. “How should I know?” I practically shouted.
“I did it for you! To take the pressure off of you and this town and all your hang-ups about Kirby Falls. You don’t date townies; almost like it means settling, instead of settling down. You would have gotten in your own head about our past and our history. I thought if we kept it a secret—kept it between us—then you might not get scared off.”
I stared at Brady like I’d never seen him before. He’d—he’d planned this? In order to manage me? To what end?
“I made a mistake,” he admitted, voice low and urgent. He visibly collected himself and took a step toward me. I retreated, my back bumping into the door. “It was a mistake. But, at the time, I thought it was the only way. I thought you’d get tired of me. That if the town kept reminding you of who we were to each other, I wouldn’t be worth the whispers and the knowing looks. I didn’t want everyone to get in your head. I wanted a chance, Mac. A real chance.”
“A chance for what?” I breathed, not understanding. Not getting it.
He looked down at the floor briefly before meeting my gaze. The freeze had thawed, and his blue eyes were pleading. “A chance for you to fall in love with me. For you to get where I’m at. Hell, where I’vebeen.”
My mouth fell open in surprise, despite all the signs along the way. Not ignorant but perhaps unwilling to see what was right in front of me all this time.
“I love you,” he confessed, voice desperate and raw. “I’ve been so careful, the most careful I’ve ever been in my life, just trying to hold on to you. To not frighten you away or give you a reason to run. I hid how I felt.” He huffed a humorless laugh. “Not very well. But I love you, Mac. I’minlove with you, and I always have been. I was just too stupid and stubborn to do anything about it before.”
My heart was beating so hard. I wanted to shut my eyes and cover my ears like a child. I also wanted to beg him to say it again, over and over, until it sunk in.
“But I’m telling you now,” Brady said, taking a step forward and reaching out for my shaking hand. “I love you. And you love me too. You’re just scared to accept it. Too terrified that everything you want is right here in this tiny town.” He pressed my hand to his chest, right over his heart, and I wanted to die. “You think people who stay don’t deserve to be happy. You’re so fucking determined to resent it.”
It hurt—these accusations he was slinging at me in his calm, confident tone. Hurt worse because they were true. But he didn’t get to pass judgment on me. He didn’t know what it was like. Brady Judd, the golden boy with the soccer scholarship and the one-way ticket out of town. But he’d come back. He’dchosenthis place. And I didn’t know how to reconcile that in the twisted ideologies in my head.
“This wasn’t how it was supposed to be,” I snapped, jerking my hand away. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”
“Like what, Mac? You weren’t supposed to fall in love with someone like me? You were supposed to keep dating boring insurance salesmen until you found one you could stomach long enough to settle down and have two point five kids with?”
“That’s not?—”
The bitterness was back. Brady’s jaw clenched before he interrupted, “Or were you supposed to move on and move away and do great, big things? Meet someone who doesn’t know you like I do? Is that how it wassupposedto go?”
I stayed silent and seething. I didn’t understand how he could read me so well. And how saying it all out loud like that could make me feel so small and ashamed.
All of a sudden, the anger stringing his body tight loosened its hold. He took a step back, eyes drifting away from me.
“I think you resent me for leaving,” he said quietly to the floor between us, “and for coming back. For choosing to make Kirby Falls my home. It’s your hometown too, Mac, not your prison. You want to travel? You’re dying to see the world? So fucking go. Get on a plane, take a trip, and live your life. Stop acting like we’re holding you hostage—likeI’mholding you back.”
“It’s not that easy,” I gritted out, stripped bare and seen through once again.
But he ignored me. “I thought if I had enough time, you’d realize how right we were for each other. I really thought there was a chance. But now I realize you’re never going to be ready. I already had two strikes against me for being born in this town and being happy here. You’re going to strike me out because I’ve known you your whole life and love you just the way you are.”
I finally gave in to the urge to close my eyes, but I couldn’t shut out his words.
“We would have been happy, and you know it.” He sighed. “Instead, you’d rather break both of our hearts just to prove a point. That you don’t need Kirby Falls or anything in it—even me.”
His thumbs brushed the tears off my cheeks, and I opened my eyes. Brady looked at me like he felt sorry for me. In that moment, I wished his anger would come roaring back. I’d take the righteous indignation over the pity any day.
