“Do you need to go back to the apartment or will you stay?”
For as long as you’ll have me, I repeated in my head.
Out loud, I replied, “I’ll stay.”
I left off the sense of foreboding, the surety that I’d lose her, that it was only a matter of time.
Bonnie wouldn’t understand. In her world, things were certain. Relationships were stable, and families were tight-knit. There were group chats and birthday parties, traditions and expectations. People stayed.
But for someone like me, I knew better. People left. It was what happened in life.
Part of me thought I should fight for her. That when Danny inevitably came to his senses, grew his fucking backbone and knocked on that door, that I should be the one to answer it. Show Bonnie that I could be the better man and then actually live up to that.
But that was putting my wants and wishes above her own. Bonnie had spent her entire life looking out for everyone else, slotting herself in second or third, or sometimes, not at all. She turned herself inside out and sideways for the people she loved, and I refused to be one more person using her up.
I wanted Bonnie to be happy and to have what she truly desired.
And if the life she’d spent decades building turned up on her doorstep tomorrow, I wouldn’t stand in the way of that.
Sometimes loving someone meant making sure they had what they needed. And I did love Bonnie.
I just wasn’t certain I was the person she needed most.
eighteen
BONNIE
I was bowling the game of my life.
To be fair, I would probably still finish up with a score under 175, but that was fine by me. I was focused, picking up spares, and having a good time with my girls.
After a round of high fives following my strike during the eighth frame, I’d taken my seat with a grin still firmly fixed on my face.
Mac was up to bowl and away from our table when Candace asked, “So, Bonnie, how are things going with Jack?”
My smile wilted a little. Not for any real reason. Most of my concerns were imaginary. Or, maybe,unfoundedwas more accurate.
“Things are good,” I heard myself saying. “We’re casual, you know. Just seeing where things go. Having fun.”
I could tell by the look on Joan’s face that I hadn’t been as smooth and composed as I’d hoped.
“Casual, right. And you’re good with that?” Candace said. No judgment in her tone, just genuine curiosity.
“Good with what?” Mac asked as she slid into the seat next to me and snagged one of my fries.
I wasn’t ... nervous about answering. But I was reluctant. I could feel the words stalling out in my mouth.
For the last three months, Jack had been mine and mine alone. My friends and family had given me space and hadn’t pushed after finding out I was dating the town loner and hot bartender from Magnolia. But I could tell they were curious.
Like right now. Candace’s eyes were alight and her expression eager. I knew she wanted me to be happy. So did Joan and my sister, too. So I wasn’t sure why this was so hard.
Maybe I was more worried about disappointing them if things started to fall apart. For months, I’d been kind of a mess. They’d been gentle with me—still were, if I was being honest. And I didn’t want them to get their hopes up that Jack and I had some happily ever after looming on the horizon when that might not be where we were headed.
I still believed in happy endings and healthy relationships. My marriage to Danny hadn’t broken that in me. But, truthfully, I didn’t know what Jack wanted. Pressuring him to decide didn’t feel like the best way to find out.
“Good with Jack,” I replied, then grabbed a sip of soda. “Candace was asking how things were going. We’re good. Having lots of fun.”
Mac eyed me for a moment and then pilfered another fry. “Fun? Is that what we’re calling it?”
