Even with our Turkey Trot training complete, he still ran with me when his schedule permitted. And he joined George and me for lunch when he could, too. He played poker with my dad, worked out with my brother, and texted recipes back and forth with my mom.
He was everywhere, even infiltrating my limited social life. Hell, he’d probably be at our next book club meeting.
But currently, he was at my sister’s bachelorette party, getting under my skin.
“So what if he’s after a challenge?” Mac said. “Give him one. Make him earn it.”
“Yesss,” Candace slurred and tried to give Mac a high five. Spoiler alert: She missed and whacked me in the shoulder.
“Y’all need water,” I murmured. “And Jesus.”
“And you need to get laid,” Mac offered. “Let that hot celebrity do dirty, dirty things to you, Joanie.”
I looked around, but the music was too loud for anyone to hear what my friends were practically shouting.
“He’s twenty-nine,” I hissed.
They all stared at me.
“Twenty-nine!” I shouted, as if that might drive the point home.
“So? You’re thirty-six, not dead and buried,” Mac replied.
Candace nodded emphatically.
“Joan, I’m going to be real with you,” Bonnie said. She was typically very soft-spoken and supportive. But her divorce this past summer had really taken a toll. I wasn’t sure what advice she was about to lay on me, but I definitely didn’t expect “Don’t look a gift penis in the mouth.”
My eyes widened as my sister choked on her laugh and her margarita.
“No!” Mac practically hollered. “PUT a gift penis in your mouth.”
At this, all the women erupted into laughter. Candace was bent over, clutching her side. Bonnie had a hand over her mouth as her eyes watered.
I wondered what I’d ever done to deserve these chaos monsters.
“I’ve yet to meet a man that can outperform my favorite vibrator,” I told them seriously. “So, no, I don’t have any interest in taking the Hollywood actor for a spin.”
Their cackles tapered off as they looked at me.
“God, that’s bleak,” Mac said, frowning in disbelief.
“That’s so sad,” Candace wailed, tears filling her eyes.
Bonnie winced.
Luckily, Becca chose that moment to slide into the booth and distract everyone from my depressing sex life. That was, until she said, “Whew, Ian wore me out.” She used a napkin to blot the sweat on her neck and hairline. “He’s a machine. I bet he could go all night.”
Mac shook her head fast, biting her lip.
Bonnie just laid her face down on the table.
Candace’s tears flipped from sadness to hilarity.
I stood up abruptly and sighed.
“What?” Becca looked between all of us. “What did I say?”
The three other women burst out laughing again.
