‘I know you don’t want to, Clauds, but you and I are wired so differently,’ explained Lucy.
‘I think it would be fun if neither of us are lumbered with puking, snotty children. Think of the holidays we can go on! Think of the freedom we will always have,’ said Claudia.
‘But that’s the problem! I want all of that, the puke, the snot, the mess, the chaos! I know it’s hard for you to understand but the idea of not having that is awful to me. Don’t get me wrong, I understand why you don’t want to go down that route, of course I do, but I justhaveto be a mother,’ said Lucy. ‘I have to have a family.’
‘Dan and I can be your family,’ said Claudia.
Lucy laughed, ‘That’s very kind of you but probably not quite the same!’
‘If you do decide to go ahead with this, you have to know that it’s going to be totally shit at times,’ said Claudia, who was renowned for her bluntness. ‘You are going to feel lonely, overwhelmed, you might have doubts or regrets. Are you sure you are willing to sign up for that?’
‘I know it’s not going to be easy, Clauds.’
‘I will be there to support you, no question, if you go ahead. But I do think you need to spend more time thinking about it. Have you done any research?’
‘I haven’t done much but I am definitely going to do as much research as possible before I commit to anything,’ said Lucy.
‘How about talking to someone who has been through it?’ suggested Claudia.
‘Yes good idea, I’ll see what I can find online.’
Lucy spent the rest of the day googling ‘single parents’ and reading lots of blogs and posts on various single-parenting forums. There were some interesting articles, websites and support groups available to those who were keen to learn more about it and she realized that she was in no way the only person who had come to the conclusion that they wanted to have a baby by themselves. She registered on a support group as a starting point to finding out more about the whole process, keen to talk to other women who had been in a similar position or who were currently contemplating it. It was called singlemothersbychoice.org, and she read the statement from the founder: ‘The word “choice” in our title has two implications: we have made a serious and thoughtful decision to take on the responsibility of raising a child by ourselves, and we have chosen not to bring a child into a relationship that is not a satisfactory one.1’ Lucy felt that this echoed her own thoughts exactly and was excited at the prospect of happiness at long last now that she might finally be able to fulfil her dreams and have her own child. The testimonials she had read made her eyes well up with tears, these women were so happy with their decision, they felt so blessed to have been able to have a child. She thought the whole thing sounded surprisingly empowering.
Lucy knew that it would take time to research everything, to get the money together and to prepare herself fully for the procedure. She thought about whether she might adopt but she decided that she wanted to experience the miracle of being pregnant. She wanted to see her genes in her child, to be connected by that physical bond that adoption couldn’t provide. She would use a donor’s sperm and she would carry the baby herself, supported by her family and friends. She didn’t need a man’s help.
1https://www.singlemothersbychoice.org/about/philosophy/
