‘I was pretty terrified, to be honest,’ said Lucy. ‘It all feels a lot more real when you find yourself eye to eye with a medical professional.’
‘Has it put you off?’ asked Tor. ‘I remember my first consultation when we started IVF… it sounded frankly horrific: the needles, the injections… et cetera. But in a way I was grateful that I knew what lay ahead; forewarned is forearmed, as they say.’
Lucy had been there for Tor the whole way through, it was too late to spare her the gory details. ‘It turns out that IVF is only used if you have had trouble conceiving naturally. Because I haven’t tried to get pregnant yet, there is no reason why I shouldn’t be able to without any help.’
‘Thank goodness for that. So what did they suggest?’ asked Tor.
‘Something called IUI.’
‘Oh yes, I remember that. What does it stand for again?’
Lucy glanced down at her leaflets, riffling through them to find the one she was looking for. She showed it to Tor. ‘Intra-Uterine Insemination.’
‘I’ve heard of that,’ said Tor. ‘We were offered it but I think our chances were better with IVF so we went straight for that.’
‘Well apparently it is a pretty straightforward procedure. They wait until you are at your most fertile and then inject you with sperm with some kind of turkey baster!’
‘A glorified one-night stand!’ laughed Tor.
Lucy raised her eyebrows as she took a bite of her sandwich, contemplating the prospect. ‘It would certainly be a lot cheaper!’ she agreed.
‘And you can choose what they look like.’
‘Apparently I can do that anyway at the sperm bank,’ said Lucy.
‘I’ve always wondered about sperm banks,’ said Tor. ‘Do you think they are literally warehouses full of frozen sperm in test tubes?’
‘I have no idea!’ said Lucy. ‘What a disgusting image!’
‘Do you have to go along and pick your sperm in person?’ asked Tor.
‘No, I think it’s more digital these days. I can look at the website apparently.’
‘Can you get it done on the NHS?’ asked Tor.
‘Sadly not. I need to find a private clinic that specializes in donor insemination. I’m planning on doing lots of research this week and then I’ll make an appointment for a consultation. There’s so much to get my head around!’ said Lucy.
‘Don’t rush into anything,’ warned Tor. ‘Having IVF was the best thing I’ve ever done, but also the hardest.’
They both looked at Otto, still sleeping peacefully beside them in his pram. Lucy knew in her heart of hearts that however tough the road might be, she was determined to take it.
‘I don’t want to be too negative, but have you thought about the cost of it all too?’ asked Tor. ‘It’s a bloody expensive process, well, IVF was anyway, hopefully IUI is cheaper?’
‘It’s definitely cheaper than IVF but it’s still going to cost me a lot, especially cos it’s so unlikely to work on the first attempt. I managed to save a few thousand pounds from Alex’s contributions towards the mortgage repayments while he was living with me, so that will help.’
‘At least there was one perk to that arsehole moving in,’ said Tor.
‘And I’ve also made some general savings over the last few years, so hopefully that will be enough to cover the costs of the treatments.’
Having finished their lunch, they decided to set off for their customary walk around the park. Lucy pushed the pram while Tor entertained her with stories of her experiences of motherhood so far. There was so much to learn, from the painful boobs from breastfeeding to the constant smattering of sick on all of your clothes, the sleep deprivation, the lack of sex life, the over-reliance on microwave meals and takeaway because you’re too knackered to cook. But most importantly, there was the total and utter all-consuming love that you felt for your baby that just obliterated all of the downsides completely. It was so obvious in the besotted way Tor looked at Otto, and Lucy just knew more than ever that she was ready to experience it too. Why should she have to wait for a man to have a baby? There was no time to lose, as far as she was concerned. As soon as she got home she pulled out her laptop and continued with her research.
Lucy wanted to find the right place to have her treatment, somewhere approachable and experienced in treating women in similar situations to her. She found a fertility centre called The London Women’s Clinic which had been open for over ten years and which she was reassured to find out was one of the pioneering clinics to start treating single women. The website told her they had helped over two thousand women just like her have babies, a fact which made her feel fractionally less alone, thinking of all those who had been in exactly the same boat as her, making this terrifying decision before her. She joined the Facebook group and spent hours poring over the posts and articles, fascinated to hear from all these women who had chosen to have a baby by themselves. The more Lucy read, the more empowered she felt, and the more excited she became about the prospect of motherhood. She made an appointment for the twenty-third of August where she would be able to talk to a doctor and have a proper consultation.
