Chapter Thirty
The following day Lucy had a much-needed evening in to sort through some admin at home. Rory had some work to finish and so he was spending the evening at Thurloe Crescent. Though Lucy would prefer to be with him she was looking forward to having some time to sort through some of the domestic chores she had been neglecting of late.
At seven thirty the doorbell rang. She skipped over to the intercom with a smile on her face, assuming that Rory had been unable to resist and had decided to come over and surprise her. ‘Hello?’ she said as she held down the intercom. It was so crackly she could barely hear anything other than a garbled male voice rustling down the line. She held down the buzzer and left the door ajar, rushing back to the hob to lower the heat on the soup she was making for her dinner.
There was a knock at the door, which was odd, seeing as she had left it ajar. Suddenly on alert that it may not be Rory, she rushed back to the door, ready to defend herself from an unwanted visitor and kicking herself for not getting the intercom repaired.
As she pulled open the door, the person she saw standing there was the last person in the world she had been expecting. Her heart skipped a beat and her stomach lurched at the unexpected sight of him. She couldn’t have been more shocked to see him standing there. ‘Alex!’ she said. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Hi Lucy, I’m sorry to turn up unannounced. Can I come in?’
‘Err…’ She wasn’t sure. ‘I suppose so.’
He took a step forward and came into the sitting room.
She felt unbelievably awkward in his presence. ‘What do you want?’ she stammered. She couldn’t think of a single reason why he would turn up out of the blue like this. Her head was spinning slightly as she took in his once so familiar features, now strangely unfamiliar. She had only seen him on Facebook since they had broken up. It was as if she was seeing him in a dream or a memory, not in real life.
‘I just wanted to talk to you,’ he said, somewhat nervously. ‘Can we sit down?’
‘Sure,’ she said, intrigued to find out what he had to say for himself.
He sat on the sofa and she sat down on the chair next to it.
‘I didn’t know if you’d answer the phone if I called, it’s been so long…’ he tailed off.
‘It has,’ she agreed.
‘I drove past and saw that your light was on so I knew you must be in, I guess I just took a chance and rung the bell, hoping you’d agree to see me.’
‘The intercom is broken, I actually thought you were someone else…’ said Lucy unapologetically.
‘Oh. Are you expecting someone?’
‘Not especially.’
‘Right.’ They sat in awkward silence for a few minutes before Alex plucked up the courage to speak. ‘I guess I just wanted to apologize for everything I did to you. I have felt so guilty. You were nothing but amazing to me and I treated you badly, I know that now… I was moody, work-obsessed… I’m surprised you didn’t kick me out yourself.’
Lucy was amazed at this apology. She still couldn’t get used to him sitting on her sofa, being in her flat. It was hard to believe that he used to live there. ‘I see. Well thanks… I guess?’ she said.
‘The thing is, Lucy, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently. I was wondering, hoping, if maybe…we could give things another go?’ He looked up at her with his brown eyes full of hope, yet nervous at the same time.
Lucy couldn’t believe what she was hearing. The words that she had so desperately longed to hear for all those months, which would once have been music to her ears, now just seemed ridiculous. ‘Another go?!’ she repeated, incredulous.
‘The thing is… I think I just freaked out. I really loved you but I don’t think I was ready to commit. I think I just ran away because I was too afraid. I thought I could love someone more, but I know now that I was wrong. There is no one out there better for me than you. I don’t think I’ll ever find someone as good for me and I just hope that I’m not too late… that you might consider giving me another chance?’
Lucy felt a little bit sorry for him sitting there, wearing his heart on his sleeve, but his words just left her cold inside. And at the same time slightly offended. She didn’t believe what he was saying, not for one second. She knew that he was probably feeling sorry for himself and a bit lonely, and he obviously thought she was an easy bet, that he could click his fingers and come crawling back with his tail between his legs. Well she wasn’t that woman anymore. Even if she hadn’t met Rory, who was so incomparably amazing, so completely out of Alex’s league in every way, she wouldn’t have bought his sob story. She was not going to accept anything like this as good enough for her. She wanted to be with someone who couldn’t live without her, not someone who would settle for her because they hadn’t met someone better.
‘Alex, I’m sorry but it’s far too little too late. I’ve moved on. And, to be perfectly honest, I don’t think we were ever right for each other in the first place. I see that now. I was so in love with you at the time, I couldn’t see our relationship clearly, but with distance I know it was far from perfect. It just wasn’t good enough, I need so much more than that. Ideserveso much more than that.’
‘I know you do… that’s why I want you to give me another chance. I’ll change. I’ll be better this time, I promise. I’ve missed you so much.’
‘I’m sorry but no. I’m seeing someone else, anyway, as it happens. And he’s amazing. I wish you the best of luck, I really do, but now I’d like you to leave.’ Lucy stood up and walked over to the door. She had nothing else to say to him. She just wanted him to get out of her flat as quickly as possible.
He nodded his head. ‘I see,’ said Alex sadly. He stood up and walked over to the door. ‘You’re probably right. I’m sure there are many guys out there who are much better than me…’
She didn’t want to encourage his self-pity so she just stood there, holding the door open.
‘Goodbye Alex,’ she said firmly.
