Rory talked her through all of his favourite places, narrowing down a shortlist of highlights for Lucy to see on her first trip to his home. He was so excited about showing her around, and although he knew there was no way she would be able to see everything that he wanted her to, he reassured her that there would be plenty more opportunities in the years to come, so not to worry. Whenever he made reference to them still being together way into the future, Lucy felt a warm glow spread throughout her insides. She couldn’t think of anyone she would rather be with in a week, a month, a year’s time, or even longer, for that matter!
On Sunday Lucy went to meet Tor and Claudia for lunch. She explained that she had been feeling rough all week and told the girls to stay away from her in case she had germs.
‘What symptoms have you had?’ asked Tor, looking quizzically at Lucy.
‘Nausea and a cold mainly, and I’ve felt really tired. Half of my office have got it.’
‘You know the nausea and tiredness could both be pregnancy-related, right?’ said Tor.
‘I’ve had my period!’ said Lucy. ‘There’s no way I could be pregnant… is there?’
‘It’s funny you should say that. I’ve just heard from a colleague that she’s twelve weeks pregnant,’ said Claudia. ‘She got two full periods before she realized, she had absolutely no idea. So I guess it can happen.’
‘Oh my god!’ said Lucy. ‘I’d heard of people having very light ones and being pregnant but mine was totally normal.’
‘I’d say it was unlikely,’ said Tor.
‘But I’ve been drinking this past two weeks,’ said Lucy, suddenly feeling guilty at the thought of how the drinks she had consumed might have affected a developing baby if the impossible were true, that she had been unknowingly pregnant all this time. Her heart started to race slightly faster as she processed this possibility. She didn’t know why she hadn’t thought about looking it up before, she had just assumed getting her period meant that she wasn’t pregnant, as it always had before. She felt a hot flush creep up the back of her neck. A confusing mixture of fear and excitement coursed through her.
‘Don’t worry, my colleague had been drinking the usual amount too and her GP said the baby would have been so small at that stage it would hardly have affected it. Maybe stop drinking now though until you do a test… just to be safe.’
‘Would it be safe for me to fly if it turned out I was pregnant?’ she asked.
‘It’s fine at this stage,’ said Tor. ‘If I were you I’d take a test and find out.’
‘Okay, I will…’ Lucy tailed off. Her head spun. ‘If I am pregnant, what the hell will Rory say?’ Her eyes welled up with tears at the thought of his reaction. How could she tell him? It would ruin everything.
‘It might be okay,’ said Tor. ‘But you’ll have to be honest with Rory. He deserves that much.’
‘I agree,’ said Claudia. ‘He’s a good guy, Luce. He might surprise you…’
Lucy was pretty sure she wasn’t pregnant, but having heard the story of Claudia’s work colleague there was no way she could be certain until she saw the proof, in black and white, in front of her eyes. There was no denying it, if she was indeed pregnant, there was also a slim but equally likely chance that the baby could be Rory’s, thanks to the split condom. But the thought of confessing her predicament to him was just horrifying, she felt ashamed that he might think her desperate and stupid for having pursued the route of artificial conception in the first place. Her hands trembled at the very thought.
On her way home Lucy popped into Boots. Spotting the aisle that housed the pregnancy tests, she made her way over to it. Despite her worry, the part of her that was so desperate for a baby began to feel a flutter of excitement. She went over to the rows and rows of little rectangular boxes. She stood there gormlessly for five minutes, staring at the selection. Eventually a shop assistant came over to ask her if she needed help. This kicked her into action and she grabbed a couple of packets, uttering a garbled ‘no thanks’ as she rushed over to the self-checkout to make her purchases. She shoved the tests deep into the bottom of her handbag telling herself that she would do one very soon, just so she could have peace of mind.
Each morning that week she contemplated taking one of the packets from the stash in her washbag and doing a test but somehow she just couldn’t bring herself to go through with it. She told herself it would be better to do it when Rory was not around, just in case. She knew that she was being a spineless wimp but she was in such a quandary. What if she was pregnant? What would she do? This internal battle went on every morning until she decided to give up, let herself off the hook, and deal with it the next day. On Friday she even got as far as unwrapping the little white stick from its packaging, her heart pounding in her chest with nerves, before slamming it back in the box. She reasoned that it would be less than ideal to meet his family for the first time with such a big secret hanging over her head so she decided to give herself until Monday. That was the deadline, under no circumstances was she allowed to put it off any longer. To make doubly sure that she would not fail, she decided to call Tor, who had been contacting her daily to find out whether she had done it yet.
‘I promise you I will take the test on Monday,’ said Lucy.
‘Why wait until Monday, Luce?’ Tor asked. ‘Are you still feeling rough?’
‘I have to wait until the weekend is over until I feel strong enough to find out, once and for all. And yes, I am still feeling rough…’
Tor wasn’t too happy about the delay. She told Lucy that if she hadn’t had a phone call by Monday afternoon with the results she would be marching over to her flat and forcing her to do it right then and there. Lucy promised fervently, telling her she would phone Claudia too so that they could both hold her accountable to her promise.
Lucy was still feeling nauseous as she made her way to the train station later that afternoon, pulling her little wheelie suitcase behind her. As she was squeezing herself through a particularly congested tract of the Victoria line, a horrible man barged past her and shouted, ‘Get out of my way, you stupid woman!’ Lucy felt her bottom lip wobble at his acidic remark and tried to pull herself together before her eyes welled up with tears in response. She was all over the place! Thanking her lucky stars that it was the weekend and praying that she would feel better by the time she arrived in Dublin, she caught the train out to Gatwick Airport. As she watched the peaceful countryside roll by through the window her phone rang.
‘Hey!’ said Rory. ‘How are you getting on?’
‘I’m on the train,’ said Lucy. ‘You?’
‘I’m already here. My client meeting finished early,’ explained Rory. ‘I’ll meet you at security, shall I?’
‘Great, have you got the boarding passes?’ asked Lucy.
‘I sure do!’ he said. They were both taking carry-on luggage only, so thankfully they wouldn’t have to join the horrendously long queues that there would no doubt be at the check-in desks.
As they went through security, Lucy could tell Rory was delighted that she was there with him. He had explained a couple of nights previously that she was the first girl since Abigail that had meant enough to him to even consider bringing back to Ireland to meet his family. This did nothing to abate her guilt about the secret she was concealing from him. She knew how important this weekend was to him and was annoyed that she didn’t feel one hundred percent well. Conflicting emotions welled within her. She knew perfectly well that it could be explained as morning sickness despite the fact she hadn’t actually been sick, more tired and run-down, and she knew that she only had two more days until she would find out and be forced to face facts.
