Chapter Thirty-Four
The next morning, Lucy called in sick to work; seeing as she had spent the past couple of hours with her head over the loo, she didn’t even have to lie. It would appear her morning sickness had finally kicked in.
A few hours later, her nausea having mercifully beaten a temporary retreat, she caught the bus to the London Women’s Clinic. This time, it was with a very different feeling that she made her way through to the waiting room. A sad smile played on her lips as she looked at all the nervous couples and single women who sat around her, desperately hoping and praying for a miracle to happen to them, a miracle just like the one that had happened to her.
The sonographer came to collect her, calling out, ‘Lucy Johnston?’ and looking expectantly around the room. Lucy stood up and shook her hand; she followed her to one of the little private rooms upstairs. All at once she felt incredibly nervous, what if the test had been wrong? But she knew deep inside that there had been no mistake, she was certain of it now.
As she lay on the bed and the cold gel was applied to her flat stomach, she prayed for a healthy heartbeat. Her body was full of mixed emotions, nerves and excitement in equal measure. She had to pinch herself to believe that she was about to catch her first glimpse of her own baby. As the sonographer chatted merrily away to her, she felt herself relax. Before long the image was projected on to the screen in front of her. The nurse smiled happily as she pointed out the tiny embryo in the black cavity of her womb. It looked like a little gummy bear. Lucy couldn’t believe her eyes. There was her baby, right in front of her! Her heart swelled with pride and love for this little smidgen of life. She could see the heartbeat flickering on the screen and tears rolled freely down Lucy’s cheeks as she repeated over and over again, ‘I can’t believe it! I just can’t believe it!’ The relief she felt that she was finally, undeniably pregnant was immense.
When the scan was over, Lucy went to see the nurse who talked through the next steps with her. Everything seemed to be in order and there was nothing for Lucy to worry about, so from this point onwards she would be placed back into the care of the NHS, and the pregnancy would be treated as any natural conception would have been. The next scan would be in four weeks’ time. Lucy prayed that Rory would be back by her side by then. She resisted the temptation to call or text him, desperate to talk to him but aware that the best thing she could do right now was give him space. She was given a little photograph of the scan to keep and she stared at it all the way home, her heart swollen to bursting point with love for this miniscule little baby.
That afternoon was spent making telephone calls. One by one she telephoned Tor, Claudia and Nicola. She told them the whole truth, leaving nothing out. They were ecstatic to hear of her pregnancy and sad but unsurprised to hear of Rory’s reaction. They all comforted her with reassurances that he would come around, especially because of the possibility that the baby could be his.
‘He’ll come back, Luce, I know he will,’ said Tor. ‘If not, if you have to go it alone, then you know I’m here for you… one hundred per cent,’ Tor added. ‘We all are.’
Lucy knew that this was true; she thanked her lucky stars once more for her incredible friends.
Ginny and Gus’s reaction was slightly different, as expected. She had to come clean about the round of treatment she had hidden from them in January. ‘Do you know what, darling, I really hate to say it but I almost feel sorry for him, I really do,’ said Ginny. ‘I blame myself for letting you go down the donor route in the first place.’
‘Don’t be silly, Mum, there was nothing you could have done to change my mind. Who would have thought someone like Rory would come along?’ said Lucy.
‘But if only we hadn’t given you that money at Christmas…’ Despite their feelings of regret, they were incredibly supportive of Lucy.
Gus, more matter-of-fact than his wife, said, ‘Look, it’s happened now, love, so there is no point having regrets. We’ll do whatever we can to help you going forward, with or without Rory.’
They were both desperate to be grandparents, and even though the circumstances were not perfect, Lucy could tell that they were both excited at the prospect of a new member of the family arriving in seven months’ time.
That evening, she Skyped her brother and explained all the latest developments. Nothing fazed Ollie, and he congratulated her on the happy news, excited that he would be an uncle, telling her in his karmic way not to worry, that everything happened for a reason and what would be would be.
Before hanging up the phone to each of her friends and family members, she made them promise not to tell another soul until the twelve-week scan was safely out of the way. It was only then that she would begin to tell everyone that she was pregnant, for until twelve weeks had passed anything could happen. They promised to keep it to themselves, especially Ginny with regards to Lucy’s grandmother. Annie wouldn’t understand the situation at all. If she ended up on her own, she would just have to come up with a way of explaining things to Annie, but she would cross that bridge if and when she came to it.
Claudia came over that evening and they talked about Rory and what to do next. ‘I’ve got faith in him,’ she said. ‘Anyone who had seen you together could see how much he loved you. I’m sure he’ll decide that he can’t live without you.’
Lucy hoped she was right with all her heart. The thought of not seeing Rory again, of not holding him in her arms, of not hearing him laugh, was too awful to consider. She knew that it was a possibility that Rory wouldn’t come back, but she just couldn’t face the thought of going through the next seven months of pregnancy alone, without him by her side. Her eyes filled with tears at the thought. She refused to believe it could happen. They were meant to be together, of that she was completely sure. No one else had ever come close to him. Their relationship had felt different right from the start, so natural and uncomplicated.
‘Have you thought about maybe doing a paternity test? Can’t you do them before the baby is born these days?’ asked Claudia.
‘I’ve thought about it, but it seems there are always so many complications with these things. I think I’d rather wait until the baby is born.’
Perhaps if he knew the baby was his, Rory would come around, and they could slowly build the foundations of a relationship once more and finally become a family.
‘I think you should wait until tomorrow to contact him,’ said Claudia. ‘After two days of silence and time to think, he might feel ready to talk.’
Lucy agreed that this was probably the best approach. She kissed Claudia goodbye and got ready for bed, suddenly exhausted after the roller coaster of emotions that she had been on for the last two days. An early night was exactly what she needed.
Lucy found work the next day a brand new experience. She kept on thinking about her secret, she felt unbelievably distracted from the task in hand, and had to stop herself from blurting out to everyone that she was pregnant. She decided not to mention anything about Rory to Lettie and Simon, telling them the truth about the weekend up until Sunday, then describing how ill she felt when she got home and how she had spent yesterday tucked up in bed. With no reason to doubt her, Lettie and Simon believed her story and continued to treat her perfectly normally, for which she was grateful. They did not notice the obsessive refreshing of her email inbox, or the constant furtive glances at the display window of her mobile phone, desperately hoping for Rory to contact her, to tell her everything was going to be okay. But nothing came.
That afternoon she had a meeting with Sharon and Jack to review their social enterprise telecoms project. At the end of the meeting after Sharon had left, Jack called out her name as she was leaving, ‘Lucy, can you just hang on for a sec?’ he asked.
‘Sure,’ she said. It was the first time they had found themselves alone in a room together since they had spent the night with each other. It occurred to her that there was absolutely no interest left as far as Jack was concerned. Her feelings for him had well and truly disappeared. ‘Did we forget something?’ she asked.
‘No, no… it’s nothing to do with that.’ He looked past her to make sure the corridor was clear and lowered his voice. ‘I just wanted to let you know that Penny has asked me to move back in. We are going to give things another go,’ he said.
‘That’s wonderful news!’ Lucy was genuinely pleased for him. ‘I’m really happy for you. I hope it all works out for you both.’
‘Thanks Lucy. I appreciate it. And thank you… for your discretion…’ He looked slightly embarrassed as she nodded to show him that she understood what he was saying.
She stood awkwardly and smiled at him, mumbling, ‘Of course…’ She didn’t know what to say next. She hesitated by the door, not knowing whether to leave or stay and talk. Jack started shuffling his papers so she took the opportunity to say, ‘I’d better go… I’ve got a conference call in a couple of minutes…’ He nodded and she closed the door behind her and walked back to her desk. That conversation had made her feel surprisingly uncomfortable. She was glad for Jack and Penny though, and for their children. Maybe all was not lost for her and Rory. It was clearly possible to survive difficult times in a relationship if you were prepared to work at it. She just hoped that this wasn’t going to prove too much to ask of him.
