Chapter Ten
Libby spent the rest of the week preparing to start her training contract the following Monday. She would be working at Digby and Edwards, a fiercely competitive law firm in the city of London. She would begin an eighteen-month training contract with three six-month rotations in different seats around the firm. She would be fighting with twelve other trainees to win a position with the firm.
She scoured her contract to find out about her maternity leave rights. Thankfully it was an extremely secure one which, once signed, meant they couldn’t get rid of her during the eighteen-month period her contract set out. Obviously they would be unhappy about the situation, but being a legal firm they would have to honour the terms of their own contract. She would be entitled to take maternity leave and then to resume her training when the period of leave ended. Angus was right, though: she would certainly have her work cut out to secure a place in the firm after that.
She couldn’t stop thinking about Angus’s reaction to her pregnancy news. He was plaguing her thoughts and it made her feel so uncomfortable. She hadn’t heard from him since. Besides, she knew there was no point thinking about what would happen after she had the baby quite yet. She kept thinking that the pregnancy might not progress that far, running through all the sad stories she had heard; sometimes it seemed impossible that anyone actually managed to have a child at all. She wanted to try and protect herself somehow from the disappointment that would come with a miscarriage. Despite the fact that this pregnancy was unplanned and unwanted, it was hard to remain emotionally disengaged with what was happening inside her body. Occasionally her imagination conjured the image of a beautiful, gurgling baby, of Luca carrying a tiny bundle in his arms. A flicker of excitement would pulse through her, which she would immediately try her best to suppress. Often her mind swirled with doubt. What if he left them and she had to struggle though this all alone? Without Angus’s support, the thought seemed too much to bear.
Luca phoned her around lunchtime every day before starting work in the bar. It worked well while she wasn’t working, though she knew it would be harder to talk when she was working all day, and he would be working all evening after she got home.
‘I miss you,amore,’ he said.
‘I miss you too. Hurry up and come over.’
‘I am already looking up flights. I can’t wait to come and see you, to check out your flat. It looks so nice!’
‘It is actually really lovely to be home. Though I do miss Positano terribly.’ Libby looked around her flat, her eclectic mix of furniture and brightly coloured furnishings were so familiar to her. Her flat was full of bags of personality and quirky finds that she had collected over the years. She tried to visualise Luca there with her, but found it almost impossible to imagine. If he ever came to live here, she wondered how he would cope.
‘How’s the bar? How’s La Casetta?’
‘It’s not bad, you know. Somehow we are surviving without you. How are you feeling? Has the morning sickness kicked in properly yet?’
‘It’s not great but I guess I’ve been quite lucky so far. I haven’t actually vomited. I just feel incredibly tired and a bit nauseous. I’ve downloaded this app which gives me an update every day. It said that the sickness tends to kick in around now, so I’m worried it’s just going to get worse and worse. Perfect timing for starting a new job, right?’
‘Oh,poverina. Are you sure you want to go ahead with it?’
‘I’ve got a signed contract; I can’t just leave. And I don’t want to anyway. I’ve worked so hard for this.’
‘So what does this app say about the baby so far?’
‘Today it says that its teeth are beginning to form. It’s the size of a strawberry now it’s eight weeks.’
‘That is so tiny…’
‘I know!’
‘I can’t believe it can be developing teeth if it’s that small.’
‘The whole thing is so mind-boggling.’
They talked for a good hour each day and, though she missed him physically, seeing him on FaceTime and being in such regular contact via WhatsApp took away some of the hardship of separation. She couldn’t wait for four more weeks to pass so she could hold him in her arms once again. He had offered to come sooner, but she wanted to keep her head down and focus all her effort on work. She didn’t know how hard it was going to be, and she wanted to make sure she wasn’t distracted. The initial phase would be so important, the first impressions so crucial, she didn’t want to mess them up. It was vital she did well, especially if she was going to make herself unpopular at some point in the not too distant future when she announced her news.
Monday arrived quicker than expected. She dressed with great care in a smart navy suit with a silk shirt and low heels. She felt ill with a toxic combination of nerves, adrenaline and morning sickness as she walked to Shepherd’s Bush to jump on the Tube.
It felt strange to be back in the slog of commuters. She longed for the peace and quiet of Positano as she crammed herself into a packed carriage of smartly dressed workers, skimming their copies of theMetroand checking their smartphones to make a start on the day ahead.
The first week at Digby and Edwards passed by in a flash. There was so much to take in. The facilities they offered were unbelievable. You could go to the doctor, the beautician, the gym all on site… they certainly did their best to ensure you never left the building. She met her supervisor, a senior associate called Jane with a very frosty demeanour, and was shown around the commercial litigation department which would be her seat for the first six months of her contract. She met the other eleven trainees, bonding immediately with a chatty, confident northerner called Samantha and a beautiful Nigerian called Tammy, who were sharing her seat in litigation. She knew she would need some allies to keep her mentally sane through the whirlwind induction process. They were given details about the firm and the work it did, as well as training on key skills such as time recording, work management and drafting, and information on how to get the support and advice they might need. They were also given the opportunity to meet some of the second-year trainees to discuss key pointers to help them through their first year.
By the weekend Libby just wanted to lie in a darkened room. She hadn’t actually been sick still, but it would almost feel a welcome relief if she was, the nausea was so constant and debilitating. She made sure she had a steady supply of ginger biscuits and mints in her bag to try and keep the nausea at bay and her sugar levels high. It would have been tough enough to cope with the first week at Digby and Edwards, without being pregnant to boot. She felt so guilty that she might not even make it through the first year of her training contract. She knew it wasn’t her fault, but she was also aware of how competitive it was to even get this far into the firm. They had chosen her from a number of potentially suitable candidates, essentially taking a place from someone else who desperately wanted one, only to announce her pregnancy.
During the weekend, Libby slept as much as she could. She was amazed at her capacity to sleep, getting a full ten hours at night and then an hour mid-morning and several hours in the afternoon on top of that.
‘It’s been so hard to get hold of you,’ Luca complained. ‘Every time I call, you are asleep.’
‘I am just so tired; I can’t keep my eyes open for longer than half an hour after I get home from work. I am literally just eating a bowl of cereal and going to bed.’
‘It’s hard when we can’t talk…’
‘I know it is, but trust me it’s worse trying to start a new job when you feel this terrible. So you should be feeling sorry for me, not complaining that I’m not available to chat.’
