Chapter Thirty-One
As the last vestiges of summer rolled by and autumn came creeping in, it dawned on Libby that perhaps she was feeling more for Angus than she should as a best friend. It had happened so slowly that she had barely noticed it at first, but the stronger her feelings became, the harder it was to ignore them. She had always loved him dearly, but now she found herself thinking about him in an entirely new light. She had always thought he was handsome, but now she was feeling attracted to him in a way she had never imagined possible. Ever since Jules had declared her interest in him all those years ago, Libby had forced the part of her brain that had considered him a prospect – the part of her that had kissed him – to shut down completely and, she had assumed, irreversibly. But something was happening now that was beyond her control. She was falling for him and there was nothing she could do about it.
Libby had started dreaming about Angus kissing her; the same dream recurred over and over again. They were in the cottage that they had rented in Devon, standing on the patio. He had his arms wrapped around her and was pulling her close, kissing her. Sometimes her dreams would go further; they would be lying in bed together, making love. She would suddenly wake up in a fluster, her heart pounding, shocked at herself but unable to get the images out of her mind. She was absolutely sure that Angus would be horrified if he could see inside her head. He thought of her as a best friend but nothing more. She was determined that he would never find out her secret. She couldn’t risk spoiling their friendship; it was the most important relationship she had. She felt like a teenager once more, pining for him; her heart longed for him to be hers and hers alone. She felt confused and agitated by the strength of her feelings towards him. Ever since she had allowed herself to admit how she felt, they seemed to have blossomed and grown, making her act awkwardly around him in a way she hadn’t in years.
Luckily, she had plenty of other distractions to keep her mind occupied during daylight hours: business was booming at the bed and breakfast as word spread that L’Albero di Limoni had reopened. Libby was thrilled with how the rooms had turned out. Each one had its own theme, inspired by the five-star hotel she had stayed at with Luca. She had kept some of the brickwork exposed and had chosen beautiful floral fabrics for the curtains and bedspreads. She filled the rooms with fresh flowers from the garden each day, took care of the laundry, which they were doing themselves for the time being to save money, and made sure each room was sparkling clean and spotless. Angus and his DIY skills were put to good use whenever something broke down or needed a quick repair. The local suppliers delivered fresh produce each day for the breakfasts and Libby had invested in a top-of-the-range coffee machine just like the one at La Casetta. Each time a guest departed, she asked them to write a review on TripAdvisor. She thought she might burst with pride as more and more four- and five-star ratings appeared on her page throughout the months of September and October. She was immensely proud of her achievements, as was Angus. Every time he told her just how proud he was, she felt as though her heart might burst with love for him.
It was becoming clear that she was going to have to do something about it soon, to say something to him about how she felt. She had no idea how he would react, but it was becoming harder and harder for her to hide her feelings. Every time she saw him she wanted to kiss him, to hold him close and never let him go. Every time he brushed past her or ruffled her hair she would have a physical reaction to the contact that took her breath away. It was becoming impossible to bear.
Angus’s studio was nearly complete, and he had already built up a huge bank of sketches and photographs in preparation for getting started on his first Italian-inspired series of canvases. She found his passion and talent so attractive, adding to her feelings for him all the more.
Before she knew it, November had rolled around the corner, and, along with it, Angus’s birthday. ‘So what do you want to do for your big day?’ asked Libby.
‘I was hoping we could go out for dinner, maybe?’ Angus suggested, looking up from the article he was reading.
‘Just the two of us?’
‘Yes. Unless ... you want to bring someone?’ he asked, looking somewhat worried at the prospect. God knows who he thought she would want to invite!
‘No, no! Of course not!’ Libby laughed. The look in his eyes had ignited a flicker of hope deep inside her, but she was quick to extinguish it, not wishing to give her vivid imagination an ounce of encouragement.
‘Great,’ Angus smiled.
‘Let me choose where,’ Libby said. ‘It’ll be more of a birthday treat if it’s a surprise. I’ll see if Francesca can babysit.’
‘OK. That would be lovely,’ Angus said.
Libby spent a lot of time choosing where to take him. For some reason it seemed a big deal to her that she got it right. She almost felt as if she was planning a date, but she was incredibly out of practice at doing that. She looked through the list of recommended local restaurants that she had been collecting so as to be able to advise her guests. Lizzy had told her about a place that she was particularly keen to try. She had described it as an indoor garden, full of plants, candles and fairy lights. She thought it sounded right up their street.
On the evening of Angus’s birthday, Libby changed into a new teal dress that complemented her green eyes perfectly. She had teamed it with gold jewellery and some flat pumps, not wishing to look as if she’d made too much effort. They had booked a taxi so they could enjoy a few drinks, leaving Izzy tucked up in bed under the watchful eye of Francesca. When they arrived they went straight into the restaurant to find their seats. It was perfect. Candles glowed softly from the centre of each table; the ceiling was covered with fairy lights that twinkled amid a canopy of ivy. Libby looked up from her menu and her heart flipped as she saw Angus looking at her, his face creased into the smile she loved more than any other.
The waiter poured them a glass of prosecco each. ‘Happy birthday!’ she said as she chinked her glass against his. She gave him his present, a book of beautiful prints by a local artist that Angus had been admiring of late.
‘Thank you,’ he said, leaning across the table to kiss her. She could smell the trace of a new aftershave lingering against his skin. It was slightly spicy. The combination of the scent of his aftershave and being in such close proximity to him had catapulted her heart around her ribcage like a trapped bird making a bid for freedom.
‘Thanks, Libs. What a place! It’s like the secret garden – I love it!’ he said. His eyes shone brightly as he took in his surroundings.
‘I hope you like the food too. There are only a few things on the menu.’
They placed their orders: pasta to start and a local speciality beef dish for their main course. They chose a bottle of red wine to go with their meal.
After their starters had been cleared away, their beef arrived on a huge carving board. Angus sliced it up and shared it between their plates. They had a selection of sauces to accompany the meat, which was tender and pink and perfectly cooked.
‘This is absolutely delicious,’ Angus said as he devoured his plateful of food.
‘A good recommendation from Lizzy,’ Libby agreed. They ordered a mixed plate of desserts to share for pudding, including panna cotta and chocolate fondant, along with another bottle of wine, this time a sweet pudding wine. Libby was beginning to feel a little tipsy. When they had finished their pudding, she leaned slightly closer to Angus across the table. Emboldened by the wine, she decided to ask the question that had been lingering on her mind all evening. She knew that Angus had signed his divorce papers that week. The whole process had taken a long time to complete since that initial conversation with Jules. Libby and Angus hadn’t really talked about it, and Libby was dying to find out how he felt about the whole thing.
‘How was it… signing the papers? Does it feel weird knowing that it’s finally over?’ She hesitated as soon as she asked, not sure whether it had been a good idea to bring up the topic of Jules and Angus’s failed marriage. She was worried that it might spoil their lovely meal. Angus paused and rolled the wine around the balloon of his glass, watching the amber liquid rise and fall as he did so.
‘Do you know what, Libs, it made me think about everything that happened last year. I sort of tested myself to see how I feel and ... I think I’ve finally made peace with it all.’
‘Really?’ Libby asked.
‘Yes, I think so. It’s so strange. If Jules hadn’t left me, I doubt that I would have had the courage to do anything about it. I like to say it’s because I wouldn’t want to have broken my wedding vows, but I think it also comes down to a fear of the unknown. I wasn’t really happy and I hadn’t been for some time. I knew it, but I was unwilling to admit it fully to myself because then I would have been forced to do something about it. And that would have caused so much upset, to Jules, or so I naïvely thought, that I’m not sure I would have had the courage.’
‘I can see that,’ Libby said.
‘It feels good to have drawn a line under it all, to be legally unbound by the vows that I made all those years ago. What about you? How do you feel about the whole thing? Do you ever miss Luca still, in that way?’ He gazed at her intently and she wondered whether she should say something, whether she should tell him how she was really feeling.
