With that, Noah took his car keys off the side table. Once again he stormed out of the house and slammed the front door behind him. Within seconds she heard the engine rev, then the crunch of tyres on gravel as he turned the car around and sped off. He probably wasn’t even going to work. God knew where hewasgoing. Helena felt utterly deflated. She was never going to get him anywhere near a therapist, that much was clear. He wasn’t ready, and she couldn’t force him.
Suddenly exhausted, she cleared up the rest of their lunch and took herself upstairs to their bedroom. She collapsed on the bed, staring blindly at the ceiling. All the fight had drained out of her. She didn’t know what to do. If she stayed with him, would he treat her like that again? Perhaps if she didn’t answer back so much, things would be calmer. But she didn’t want to be in a relationship where she could never say what was on her mind, did she? On the other hand, if she left him, she’d never see Raffy again – and that would break her heart. Besides, she loved Noah. She had done ever since she first met him and he plucked her out of her miserable life and gave her everything she ever dreamed of. If she left him, where would she go? She had hardly any money of her own, and no friends, not really. She lay like that for hours, tossing and turning, her mind whirring, unsure what her next move should be. She still hadn’t made any kind of decision when she saw the clock and realised it was time to pick Raffy up from school.
14
LIFE WITH NOAHcarried on as usual after the fight. There was no mention of it again. Neither was there any further mention of counselling. Helena didn’t have the strength to bring it up. She couldn’t face the battle, sure by now that she would never win. Determined not to give in, she stuck to her guns and helped Margery choose a mattress, telling Noah about their trip into town, confident after his overreaction that he would choose to ignore it.
As the days passed, she tried her best to put the argument to the back of her mind, to focus on the positives in their relationship. The easiest way to do this was to remind herself of the dire dating scene she had experienced before Noah, as well as her only previous long-term relationship. Her ex-boyfriend, Dan, had been an absolute disaster, completely wrong for her in every way. Looking back, she couldn’t believe her self-esteem had been so low that she had settled for him. She had been so unpopular as a teenager. Scarred for life by discovering she had been voted least likely to get laid in an unofficial yearbook that had been circulated in the corridors, no doubt thanks to the winning formula of teen acne and headgear. After that, she had thought herself lucky to be pursued by anyone at all. Dan had never paid for anything, he lacked any discernible ambition or even motivation to leave the house – he could go for days without so much as going for a walk, just binge watching TV shows and eating fast food on delivery. When Helena had checked her bank account one day, she had been shocked at how much lower it was than she expected it to be. Browsing through her transactions, she had discovered that her card had been used to pay for every single one of the mealshe had ordered for weeks, mostly while she was at work. When she had questioned him about it, he had lied and said that his phone must have automatically saved her details, but she knew she’d never entered them. He refused to pay her back; he didn’t have the money to even if he had wanted to. She had broken up with him shortly after, determined not to be used like that again.
A sequence of horrendous dates had ensued in the years between Dan and Noah. One of the most memorable was with a good looking but extremely dull software engineer called Ravi, who had taken her to an escape room only to find that he was claustrophobic which induced a panic attack. Another awful date was with a man called Liam, an arrogant barista at a very trendy coffee shop, who had taken her to a cookery class and ended up in A&E after setting his chef’s apron on fire while flambéing a crêpe suzette. And finally, there had been Ethan, a graphic designer who had drunk way too heavily and got into a fight with a fellow punter at a comedy night. No one could have had worse luck than Helena. She reminded herself that everyone had their flaws, and that Noah had many good qualities that outweighed the bad.
As the school year came to an end and with the summer holidays fast approaching, Helena busied herself making plans for day trips and projects to keep Raffy entertained. She was browsing the internet for ideas when the sound of an approaching car made her look up from her laptop. Through the trees she glimpsed the navy truck and gold lettering of Benson & Co, the store from which Margery had purchased her mattress. She grabbed her keys and slipped out of the house to offer a helping hand. Margery greeted her at the door and together they escorted the delivery men upstairs to the guest bedroom.
‘Shall I help you get it all set up?’ Helena offered after they had disappeared. ‘It’s quite heavy, isn’t it?’
‘I’ll fetch the bedding,’ Margery called, disappearing into the box room next door, scolding one of the dogs who had made a little bed for itself on the futon that lay under the window.
Helena ripped off the plastic covers and hauled the mattress ontothe bed. Together they made the bed up, plumping the cushions Margery had chosen to go with the new bedding, delighted with how well the spare room had turned out.
‘This bed belonged to Jeremy’s mother,’ Margery said.
‘It’s beautiful.’ Helena ran her hand over the wrought iron frame.
‘We inherited it after she passed away, along with most of our furniture.’
‘Tell me more about Jeremy,’ Helena said, as they sat a short while later in the kitchen, drinking tea. ‘What was he like?’
Margery smiled fondly, pleased to be asked about one of her favourite subjects. ‘He was quite a character, everybody always said so. He was eccentric, always full of stories, most of which were heavily exaggerated, I must admit.’ Margery sighed happily at the memories. ‘He made me laugh, every single day. I was very lucky to have him. You see there was a time when I wasn’t sure I’d ever end up married. I hardly ever used to get asked to dance at parties. There was always someone else next to me who was more glamorous, much prettier than I was…’
Helena tutted, ‘I’m sure that’s not true.’
‘Oh but it was. It was alright though. I had sort of accepted it. There wasn’t much use in denying it. I was never classically good looking, like you. I had a jolly personality, I could hold a conversation, and I had plenty of friends. I was quite happy with my lot really. And I had my singing. That was always my true passion,’ Margery smiled sadly, and Helena thought again how hard it must be being unable to do the thing you loved the most.
‘It was my voice, he always used to say, that made him fall in love with me. He said it touched him deep in his core, that it spoke to him in a way he hadn’t known possible. That only a beautiful soul could make a sound like that… Silly really!’ Margery laughed, embarrassed.
‘That’s so romantic.’ Helena sighed. ‘Tell me more…’
Margery paused, as if allowing her memory to unspool time. ‘He was one of the gentlest people, he wouldn’t hurt a fly. He took such great care of me, never letting me lift a finger unnecessarily. Theperfect gentleman I suppose… he was brought up by his mother to value chivalry over anything else. He treated me like a princess, which is probably why I was so terribly useless without him. I was so dependent on him, for everything really.’ Margery sighed and Helena could see her drag her mind back from the past. ‘But I’m a lot happier now that you’ve helped me get things back in order. I’m actually quite enjoying keeping it all tidy, now that everything has its place.’
‘You’ve done a fantastic job, Margery. It still looks wonderful in here.’
‘It’s all down to you my dear.’
‘That’s what friends are for!’ Helena smiled, realising how much she meant it, Margery had become her only real friend.
As she walked back across the path after they’d finished their tea, she couldn’t help but compare Margery’s description of Jeremy with Noah. It must have been a completely different experience having a partner like that. She was glad for Margery, she deserved nothing less. She wondered why she had such different standards for herself. Surely, she was worthy of the same treatment. It was no wonder that Margery had found life so difficult to adjust to without Jeremy by her side. Helena was glad that she seemed so much happier now, and she was pleased that she had been able to help her, no matter what the consequences had been for her own relationship. Margery was worth it.
15
THE NEXT MORNING, Helena made her way back from the last drop-off of the school year in a dour mood. The summer holidays stretched out before her, five and a half long weeks. Despite her planning, she realised she was dreading the lack of routine and structure, the loss of adult interaction without the chit-chat she had come to depend on at the school gate, minimal though it was. It seemed unbearably long. It was suddenly clear how much she missed her busy life in London, being surrounded by a gaggle of friends. It occurred to her, not for the first time, just how lonely she was, despite having a family around her.
In a bid to shake off her mood she opened the windows and let the breeze flow into the car. She tuned the radio until she found a song that she liked and turned up the volume. Instead of focusing on the negatives, she thought about all the amazing quality time she would get to spend with Raffy and she felt her heart balloon with love. It would be fun, and it would be worth all the exhaustion for the chance it would give Raffy to unwind, forget about school, and just play.
By the time she pulled the car into her spot on the drive she felt a lot better. As she got out, she decided she’d pop in to see Margery. If ever she felt lonely she always reminded herself how Margery must feel, without either a partner or a child for company in her home. She knocked on Margery’s door and heard the usual explosion of barking and clattering paws as the three dogs raced to be first to receive their visitor. Voices talking followed shortly: a deep, male voice mixed with Margery’s familiar tone. Johnny. He must have arrived.
The door swung open to reveal a rosy-cheeked, beaming Margery, and a man who Margery’s introductions soon confirmed was her nephew, Johnny. He was surprisingly tall. His shoulders stooped gently, as though he was trying to disguise his height. He had a slightly scruffy beard, short dark curly hair and kind blue eyes. When he smiled, as he reached out to shake Helena’s hand, his face crumpled with laughter lines, fanning out from the corners of his eyes and creasing his cheeks with dimples. He had a friendly, lived-in face, one that looked like he’d known his fair share of the good times, and perhaps a few of the bad. Helena warmed to him immediately.
‘It’s a pleasure to meet you,’ Johnny said. ‘Aunty Marge has been telling me all about you. She said you helped her fix the house up?’
