‘When the kids started school it wasn’t so bad. I finally got to meet the other mums and make some friends. But before then, there was nothing. The four of us stuck in the house, the garden, the village playground, day in, day out. I could barely afford petrol togo anywhere in the car. I hardly had any money. I couldn’t work, the childcare was too expensive. I lived off benefits, and the pittance I got from Mike each month, and had to make sure we were all fed and clothed. It didn’t go far let me tell you.’
‘Does he still pay?’
Nathalie nodded. ‘He has to. And I think it’s his conscience’s way of wiping his hands clean of his kids. He sees them maybe once a year, if they’re lucky. He lives in Dubai now. He’s got a new family…’
Helena couldn’t believe he wasn’t around to help Nathalie at all. She had assumed he must have them at least for the odd weekend. ‘God it sounds hard.’
‘It was. It still is. But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And as I said, it was better when they started at school. And when Meg started in Reception, I started up Beauty Inc.’
As well as her online presence Nathalie ran a mobile beauty clinic, providing spray tans, manicures and pedicures for customers in their own homes. ‘It took a while to drum up business, but it has low overheads and soon enough the money started trickling in.’
Helena felt so inspired by her friend’s determination to make a good life for herself and her three children despite everything she had been through. ‘I think you are amazing Nat. I honestly had no idea you had been through such a tough time.’
‘I wish you had been living here in those dark years. What a difference it would have made to have someone my age in the village. I would have forced you to be my friend, fuck Noah!’
Helena burst out laughing at the expression on Nathalie’s face. ‘You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about loneliness these past few months. About how soul destroying it is. I truly think it’s the worst kind of cruelty.’
‘The worst,’ Nathalie nodded in agreement.
Helena thought about all the people she watched day in and day out at the café, going about their lives, depending on the moments of interaction they had with their friends for their sanity. ‘Humans are not meant to be alone. We are social creatures. The only curefor loneliness is connection with other people. And it doesn’t take much. You just need to have one or two friends, people who you can count on, or call up and chat to if you are having a bad day.’
‘I agree. There was no way for me to do that. If only there had been some kind of playgroup in the village. Somewhere to meet people. There was just the pub, which was only open in the evenings, and I couldn’t afford a babysitter anyway. And now even that has closed down…’
Helena pictured the Crooked Hook as it had been, with its inviting fairy-tale glow at the windows, a beacon of welcome on a dark night. ‘Imagine what a village like this would have been like in the old days.’
‘A completely different story. Everyone would have known each other for a start.’ Nathalie got up and rummaged through a stuffed to bursting cupboard. ‘I’m having a chocolate craving. I’m sure I’ve got some in here somewhere…’
An avalanche of snacks slid onto the worktop. Nathalie swore as she scooped it all up and chucked it back in, slamming the door shut before it could escape again. She turned, triumphant, with a bar of Galaxy in hand. ‘You know there used to be a post office and a village shop?’ she said, offering Helena a slab.
‘That would be so handy wouldn’t it, especially if you don’t drive.’
‘Why is chocolate so good?’ Nathalie groaned with pleasure as she helped herself to another piece. ‘The church would have been a massive community gathering place too. And the village hall – it used to have barn dances apparently.’
‘Now there’s only a church service here once a month, according to Margery.’
Nathalie nodded, helping herself to more. ‘Or less. No one really goes anyway.’
‘It’s such a shame. There is no sense of community anymore.’
‘And it’s not just here. It’s the same in all the local villages.’
Helena took another sip of her wine. ‘Working at the café has shown me the importance of having a place to go and be withpeople. You can sit in the shop for an hour or so, people watching. There’s an old lady who Ahmed always gives a free cup of tea to every day, knowing she can’t afford to pay for it herself. She comes in for the company. And there are so many others like her. People want to get themselves out of the house, to have a bit of conversation. I know what it feels like to not have that. I almost went completely mad without it.’
‘If only there was a café in the village…’ Nathalie sighed. ‘Now that would be the dream.’
‘Wouldn’t it? It’s the elderly feeling lonely that really breaks my heart. Seeing the difference in Margery now from when I first got to know her in the summer, she is so much happier it is incomparable.’
‘I always thought she was a bit strange, if I’m honest… talking to herself as she did. I’m ashamed to admit it. I should have made an effort with her, I used to see her all the time out with the dogs.’
Helena felt a wash of shame course through her. To think she had done exactly that too. ‘Well, we are all guilty of that.’
‘But look at her now!’ Nathalie smiled. ‘She was the life and soul of the party at Christmas.’
A picture flashed into Helena’s mind of Margery dancing around the Christmas tree with Johnny, throwing her head back with laughter. ‘Having Johnny around has done her the world of good.’
‘He’s fab, isn’t he?’ Helena tried to detect whether there was anything more to this statement than met the eye, but Nathalie’s eyes gave away nothing. ‘And having you…’ Nathalie added.
Helena paused, mulling all this over in her mind. ‘There’s got to be something we can do. I feel so strongly about it. There has to be some kind of a solution.’
