‘What are youdoinghere?’ she asked. ‘I’ve missed yousomuch.’
Noah stepped closer. ‘Helena,’ he said with a smile. ‘It’s good to see you.’
She looked up at him. She had no idea what to say, no idea how to even be there in front of him. A thousand words caught in her throat but nothing came out. She wanted to say so much and yet at the same time she didn’t want to speak to him at all.
‘We’re back!’ he grinned. As if it were the most normal thing in the world. As if she should be delighted.
‘Back? What are you talking about? I thought you were in New Zealand.’ Her head was spinning in confusion. She stood up and looked at Noah. She wanted to slap his smug smiling face. ‘Youleftme,’ she said, her eyes filling up with unstoppable tears. ‘You didn’t even have the guts to tell me to my face.’
‘I know.’ He held her gaze. ‘And for that I am truly sorry.’
‘You never answered a single call,’ she said, trying to control the desperate anger in her voice in front of Raffy. ‘Not a single message.All this time… You left me with nothing, with nowhere to go. You threw me out onto the street for Christ’s sake!’
Noah looked a little bit sheepish. He cleared his throat awkwardly. ‘I thought it would be better that way, to have a clean break… for Raffy’s sake.’ She almost laughed. Of course he would say that, of course he would present himself as nothing but a caring father.
‘You thought it would bebetter?’ she spat, clutching Raffy’s hand tightly, unable to let go. She was grateful that he seemed distracted by the enormous tractor with its trailer full of children as it rattled past. She spoke through gritted teeth, keeping her voice as quiet as possible. ‘Are youinsane? You havenoidea what you did to me. What damage you will have done to Raffy. What thefuckwere you thinking?’
Noah paused. She felt a flutter of fear as she waited for his reaction, she was amazed she’d had the nerve to speak to him like that. But she had changed. She was no longer the same woman that he had left behind.
He took a deep breath, keeping his eyes fixed on hers, giving nothing away. ‘I wasn’t thinking straight, Helena. I was in a bad place, as you know. I am a different person now. I promise. I’vechanged. And now I’m back.’ He reached out to take her hand. ‘I’m here to get you back, to be a family again. You, me and Raffy. We belong together.’
Helena shook his hand off her and took a step backwards, reeling. She felt as if she’d received a physical blow. She glanced up at Johnny. He was hovering to the side of the stage, his fiddle by his side, a questioning look in his eyes. Like a wild animal tensed to pounce she knew that he was ready to intervene at a moment’s notice if Helena needed him. She had never seen him like this. His protectiveness meant the world to her.
‘I don’t know what to say.’ She shook her head. ‘You can’t just turn up here like this. With no warning, no explanation. I mean seriously, what are you thinking?’
‘I will explain everything, Helena. I promise.’ Noah was looking at her with such a calm, level gaze, so self-assured, so completely convinced that she would have no choice but to capitulate and welcome him back with open arms. He really had no idea who he was dealing with now.
‘If it weren’t for Raffy I would be telling you to get lost right now,’ Helena said, the fury in her voice unmistakeable.
She ignored Noah, and crouched back down to Raffy’s height. A million questions raced through her mind, where had they been? What had they been doing? When had they come back from New Zealand? Had they ever even gone? She gathered Raffy in for another cuddle, pushing all her thoughts to one side, savouring the hug as though her life depended on it. ‘Raf, it’ssogood to see you.’ It was the last thing on earth she had been expecting, seeing them here like this. Her mind was still reeling with shock.
Raffy patted her back. He leant backwards and looked at her with a shy smile. The flecks of gold in his eyes looked more striking than ever against the blue of his irises in the bright light of the sun. ‘You too Helly.’
‘Look how tall you’ve got! You’ve changed so much!’ Raffy blushed shyly.
‘I’ve got a new bike,’ he beamed.
‘Wow!’ Helena grinned, grateful that he was still too young to really understand what was going on. The innocence of childhood was a blessing, the ability to accept each day as it was, without having to question it all. She was relieved to see that he seemed alright. She didn’t know what she had been expecting. He was much bigger, but otherwise he looked like the same old Raffy. Any damage that their sudden separation had caused was not evident, at least from outer appearances. Though she knew that it wasn’t what was on the outside, but what had been going on in the inside that would count.
Torn between asking Noah to leave but wanting to spend time with Raffy, Helena felt paralysed with indecision. Seeing him had brought waves of buried emotion crashing back. Flashes of sickening feelings swept over her; the memories she had suppressed suddenly rushed through her mind. Both the good ones and the bad. All the while Noah just stood there, watching her with this smile plastered across his face. As if showing up out of the blue and announcing his intention to give things another go was a totally reasonable thing to do.
Suddenly Nathalie came barging over to join them. ‘Helena, are you alright?’ she asked, positioning herself between Noah and Helena, a look of horror on her face.
Noah cleared his throat loudly and stuck out his hand, clearly attempting to introduce himself. ‘Noah,’ he said.
Nathalie looked him up and down in disgust. ‘I know who you are,’ she snarled. Ignoring him, she repeated ‘Helena?’
‘I—I’m okay, thank you,’ she stammered. ‘I’m sorry. I don’t know what to do. I want to spend time with Raffy, but the last person I want to see is you.’ This was aimed directly at Noah.
‘What ishedoing here?’ Nathalie said, spitting the word ‘he’ out as though it pained her, despite the fact Noah was clearly in earshot.
‘I don’t know. He says he’s come back.’
‘Come back?’
‘We’re actually the new tenants of Lavender Cottage,’ Noah announced. ‘As of yesterday.’
‘You what?’ Helena gasped. She had heard someone had taken over the lease, but never in a million years had she thought it would be Noah.
