‘There’s a good school down the road from the flat we’ve been renting.’
‘You’ve taken him out?’
‘Yes. He’s back at St John’s Infants as of Monday.’
‘He’ll be glad of that, at least,’ Helena said, wanting Noah to hear the disappointment in her voice at all the upheaval he had put Raffy through. And for what?
‘He is excited. He’s really missed it.’
She couldn’t help but ask the question, ‘Why are you back, exactly?’
Noah studied her face. He seemed so calm, so self-assured. ‘We missed you,’ he said. ‘We missed our life. We want it back. You, Hambleton, all of it.’
‘It’s not going to happen,’ she said. Her voice wobbled with emotion. It was strangely high pitched. ‘How can you even think there is a chance after what you did?’
‘I know I let you down, Helena,’ Noah took a step towards her. The look in his eyes was sincere, but she knew better than to believe it. ‘I was in a really bad place. I’ve been seeing someone, a therapist, just as you wanted. And I’ve changed. I’vereallychanged.’
Part of her wanted to believe it but a voice kept whispering in her ear that it was all lies, that he would say anything to get his way. After all, she knew better than anyone how manipulative he could be.
‘I don’t believe you. And even if I did. It is way, way too late. I’ve moved on…’
‘Are you with someone else?’
Helena paused. She was surprised how she instantly thought of Johnny. But he didn’t think of her like that. She wanted to be able to answer yes more than anything, to see the look in his eyes if nothing else. But she couldn’t lie, she knew he would see straight through her.
‘No.’
‘Thank god,’ he said, looking genuinely relieved.
‘It doesn’t change anything.’
‘Helena, I love you. Raffy loves you. We have both missed you more than we, more than I, ever realised it was possible to miss someone. I fucked up. I know I did. I am so angry with myself for the way I treated you. And I’m so,sosorry for everything. But that is in the past now, I want to start again.’
Helena felt herself move from sadness to rage as his empty promises rang in her ears. ‘You are saying what you think I want to hear. What is it, Noah? Do you miss having all your laundry done for you? Do you miss having your shirts ironed? Do you miss having someone here to take care of Raffy? To cook your meals? To do every singlefuckingthing I did for you for four years?’ She was shouting now, trembling with anger. She felt like pummelling him in frustration, she wanted to attack him, to hurt him as he had hurt her.
‘I’m organising someone to help with all that,’ he said. ‘I’ve had to…’ he tailed off. ‘Look, you could still run your new business, I’m not asking you to give anything up. I can see how much it means to you, how much you’ve worked for it…’
Helena had heard enough of his bullshit. It amazed her how manipulative he could be, saying all the right things, trying to convince her that he was a new man. It was too easy for him to pretend. She knew it was all lies, and she couldn’t stand to hear another word.
‘Look, Noah. I can’t stand here and listen to all these empty promises. I don’t want to hear it. The only thing I want from you is the chance to spend time with Raffy. If you know what’s good for him, you’ll know how important it is for us to have a relationship again.’ Noah nodded, but Helena carried on regardless. ‘I would like to spend time with him at the weekends, just me and Raf.’
‘Okay,’ Noah said. She looked at him to see the catch, sure that there would be a but following shortly.
‘Just the two of us,’ she reiterated.
‘So long as that is what you want. He really has missed you, Helena. He speaks about you all the time. He’ll be so excited to see you. And of course I want what is best for him. He is my son. Spending time with you is undoubtedly the right thing for him.’
‘Good,’ she said, still nonplussed that he hadn’t protested. She had expected him to insist on accompanying any visits, to use it as an opportunity to spend time with her. Perhaps he really had changed? No. She wouldn’t allow herself to believe it. It was all part of his plan, no doubt carefully thought out to secure himself the result he wanted.
‘Fine,’ he said. ‘We can agree a time that suits you.’
‘And today? Can I take him out now? For an hour or so?’
Noah nodded. ‘If you want. You are obviously welcome to stay here too.’
‘I’d rather not,’ she said. ‘We can go back to my place, or go for a walk.’
‘And where exactly is your place?’
