‘No problem!’ Helena smiled to cover her irritation.
‘If you head over to Raffy’s classroom you’ll find his work laid out on the tables outside for you to have a look at while you wait.’
It was Raffy’s parents’ evening. Noah had arrived straight off a flight, having been away for a few days with work. They had chosen one of the later slots on offer to allow for him to get back in time. Helena had come along at Noah’s suggestion, she loved it when he included her in this sort of thing. It made sense, seeing as she was the one who helped Raffy with his homework, who listened to him read, day in and day out.
So rarely did she venture out of the house past seven that she was glad of the opportunity to do so, even though it was hardly the most exciting of reasons. The irony of considering parents’ evening an evening out was not lost on her. She had even put a touch of lipstick on, having found an old favourite buried at the bottom of a recently rediscovered handbag. It made her feel a bit more glamorous in her sleeveless white linen shirt and jeans. Noah didn’t like her wearing colour, preferring her in a dull pallet of neutrals.
Helena and Raffy had picked Noah up from the train station on their way. He was in a foul mood. He had been quiet in the car, silencing Raffy who had been nattering away, saying that he had had a busy day and needed some peace and quiet and “NOT your incessant chatter.” Helena had caught Raffy’s eye in the rear-view mirror, having seen him roll his eyes in frustration at the reprimand. Despite his bravado she knew that hearing his father shut him down like that would have upset him. She risked giving him a tiny wink and was pleased to see the flicker of a conspiratorial smile.
‘This is Raffy’s classroom,’ Helena said as they reached the end of the corridor, lined with colourful self-portraits done by the children. Raffy’s had an unintentional touch of the Picasso about it. There was, as promised, a pair of tables outside the classroom door, laden with piles of exercise books in pupil order, and a couple of chairs.
‘Here are Raffy’s books, what do you want to start with? English? Maths?’
Noah ignored her. He sat down on one of the chairs and stared blankly ahead. The charm with which he had greeted several other parents en route had evaporated into thin air. Helena felt like rolling her eyes too, as Raffy had done, but she knew better. ‘Noah? English or Maths?’
He turned to look at her. She noticed his jaw was tightly clenched. A chill shot down her spine as she realised his anger was directed at her. Oh god. She knew it was best to make herself as un-irritating as she was able to when he got into one of these moods. They seemed to be becoming more and more frequent lately. Her strategy was to become as quiet and invisible as possible to give him as little ammunition as she could for him to jump down her throat.
They sat in awkward silence. After a few minutes Noah snatched the books that were resting on her knee and began to flick through them. She could feel the negative energy flooding out of him, washing over her in waves. It prickled at her skin. Not for the first time she wondered what it would be like to be with someone who never fell into moods, someone happy-go-lucky even. Herex-boyfriend Dan, the only previous long-term relationship she had had prior to Noah, had suffered from depression. He was always out of work and relied on her for everything. She had never been in a relationship with someone emotionally stable. Perhaps she should have been more careful who she fell in love with. But she knew it wouldn’t be the same with anyone else. Noah was one of the most charismatic, intense people she had ever met. She reminded herself that his darker, more mercurial alter-ego was merely the flip side of everything she adored about him. But there was no denying that she could certainly do without days like these.
Mrs Petherbridge called them in.
‘We are so proud of Raffy’s progress this term,’ she said as she ushered them on to tiny chairs across from her, her beaming smile reflecting her heartfelt words. ‘He has really come such a long way. It’s thanks to all the wonderful support you have been giving him at home – all the reading… it is really beginning to pay off. His confidence has grown in leaps and bounds recently which has been lovely to see!’
‘That’s great,’ Helena smiled, trying to focus on what she was saying. Thankfully Noah had dropped his monosyllabic mode, slipping into an easy repartee with Raffy’s teacher: listening with polite interest, asking all the right questions. She watched her fall under his spell, laughing at his jokes, adjusting her hair self-consciously. He had the most remarkable effect on people.
Unfortunately, Noah resumed his frosty silence the second they left the classroom, ignoring her completely as she tried to talk about Mrs Petherbridge’s comments. He only broke it when they went back into the hall to pick up Raffy. ‘Well done buddy, I’m really proud of you.’ Raffy’s chest seemed to puff up with pride under his father’s praise.
Helena gave Raffy a big hug. ‘I’m so proud of you too. Mrs Petherbridge was so pleased with your reading. She said you are getting better and better every day! Isn’t that fantastic?’
Raffy shrugged his shoulders bashfully. Helena felt that irresistible burst of love swell inside her.
‘I’ll do bedtime,’ Noah announced when they got home.
‘Okay,’ she said, trying to feel comforted that he had deigned to speak to her at long last. She could hear him joking and laughing with Raffy as she heated up their dinner. Perhaps his mood had lightened? At least she hoped it had. She couldn’t think what she had done that had irritated him so much. He was so unpredictable. She reminded herself that it could have been nothing to do with her. Just one of his moods, which he always took out on her, his personal punch-bag.
But when he eventually came back downstairs, it was clear that nothing had changed.
‘Is he asleep?’ she asked.
Noah nodded.
‘We’ve got chicken and chorizo casserole this evening,’ she said brightly, hoping to soften him with the promise of one of his favourite meals.
He stood in the kitchen, staring at her, not moving. She cleared her throat awkwardly. The air thickened with tension. He barely even blinked; his jaw set rigid. An expression of cold disgust settled over his features, an expression she had seen before.
The hairs on the back of her arms stood on end. Noah’s arms were folded, he had taken off his tie and the top button of his white shirt was undone. She felt unbearably uncomfortable, as if she was a child standing outside the headteacher’s office, unsure of the alleged crime she was supposed to have committed.
‘What?’ she said, feeling her pulse quicken as her palms began to sweat.
In a split second he had crossed the floor and grabbed hold of her ponytail. He yanked her head backwards. She closed her hand over his to stop her hair from pulling too painfully as he marched her over to the mirror. With his left hand he smeared the lipstick from her lips across her chin, leaving her skin stained red, as if her mouth was bleeding. ‘Ow!’ she screeched, her eyes smarting with tears at the violence of his grip, every follicle hurt as if he was forcing each hair out of her scalp. ‘Stop it!’ she begged.
He let go of her with such force that she staggered backwards, holding up her hands to shelter her face, to protect herself from him. ‘What the fuck do you think you look like with that crap on your face.’ His voice was bitingly cold. ‘Trying to get anyone you can to want you. It’s pathetic.’
‘Noah, please… I promise, that’s not true. I just found the lipstick. I used to wear it all the time, I thought you’d like it… that you’d like to see me looking nice. I wanted to make an effort… foryou.’ She tailed off. He was looking at her with such venom.
Trying her best to calm her nerves and steady her breathing, she pulled herself up and took a step towards him, desperate for him to forgive her, to believe her.
‘What am I supposed to think when I see you looking like some kind of tart?’ he scowled. She grabbed the dishcloth from the sink and scrubbed at her lips, leaving them burning and swollen.
