“Petey died?” Ben sounds surprised. “When?”
“Years ago. But you knew this. She told you what was wrong with him.”
“Humour me. When exactly?”
Sean takes a deep breath. His hand comes up to his head and drops away. “It was a few weeks after our finals. That’s why her results were so bad. I wasn’t there so I don’t know all the details but I think, in the end, it was respiratory failure.” He looks down at Ben’s hand. “Can I go now? This,” he waves his finger around the office, “will be a trigger for her.”
Ben releases Sean’s hand. “Yeah. We might as well end the meeting. Nothing’s going to get decided now.”
He watches the others leave and then he sits in his chair with his head in his hands.
***
Sean finds Jasmine perched on a low garden wall a hundred metres down from the headquarters. The traffic speeds along the main road beside them. It is noisy and grimy, not exactly pleasant surroundings, but he ignores that as he takes a seat next to her.
“Did you get hold of Pamela?” He nods to the dark phone screen in her hand.
“No. Voicemail,” she says. “Do you know, when Petey was going for treatment, he envied all the women with breast cancer? Isn’t it a horrible thing? To envy someone’s cancer because it is more survivable than yours.”
Sean puts his arm around her and draws her close. After a moment, Jasmine says, “I lost it in there, didn’t I?”
“Big time,” Sean agrees and chuckles. “You should have seen their faces.”
“Well, they’re probably sniggering together now. Jasmine the Loon. You know there’s something going on between the two of them, don’t you? I caught them kissing a while ago.”
She’s wondered if the romance was cooling as she hadn’t seen them together as much since the morning she had taken Ben to task. But first there was Lou’s comment about wanting children and now Ben’s obvious concern for her. She realises they have just been more discreet. Out of all the people in that meeting, Lou knew Pamela the least. Sean had been in and out of the constituency office all his life. He had even helped out during his summer holidays, earning a bit of money manning the phone lines to cover other staff leave. Pamela was like a second mother to him.
Jasmine’s acquaintance with Pamela was more recent but they had been colleagues, albeit in different locations, for five years. They had an easy familiarity with each other, despite their age difference. When Jasmine had been a clueless graduate, Pamela had been kind to the new kid, had answered every question with patience, no matter how trivial or stupid. Jasmine has a deep loyalty to Pamela, which was why she had insisted on Ben’s promise of a future job. But that Ben had chosen to comfort Lou, not Sean or Jasmine, spoke volumes as to where his affections lie.
Sean squeezes her shoulder. “Well, you know me. Not Ben’s biggest fan. But Lou’s on a coffee run, so I don’t think they are. One weird thing, Ben didn’t seem to know Petey had died.”
“I guess he wouldn’t. They didn’t know each other and it’s not something I splashed over social media … It hurt too much. His mum and his friends put stuff up but there’s no reason Ben would have seen it.”
“No, more than that.” Sean tries to explain his feeling. “Like he had no concept Petey would likely be dead. No expectation.”
“Oh, that!” Jasmine blows out a sigh and looks at her feet. “He had this bizarre idea Petey had made it all up just to get me back. His mum is an activist for domestic violence survivors. He said it happened all the time. That the controlling partner would say anything to get the survivor back.”
“He’d obviously never met Petey if he thought he was a controlling partner. As easy as the day was long.”
Jasmine smiles, remembering her friend. She has had many years to contemplate her decision and each time she comes to the same conclusion. Even with all the knowledge she has now, in hindsight, she would not have made a different choice. In fact, her mind is firmer. At the time she had been forced to choose, she’d only had the obligation of her long friendship with Petey. She’d had no understanding of the overwhelming exhaustion of radiotherapy and chemotherapy, the struggle to get food past lips with no appetite, the distress of watching the person you care for die in slow degrees. She is glad she helped Petey on this hardest path. In hindsight, she has no regrets.
“Come on, Loony Girl,” Sean teases. “I’ll buy you lunch from the chippie. I can’t sit on this wall much longer. I think there’s a thistle up my bum.”
“I’m a woman, not a girl,” Jasmine corrects automatically. Then she nods. A packet of greasy fries smothered in ketchup might be exactly what she needs before she has to face Ben again.
***
It is just as well Jasmine’s lunch is fortifying, because Ben is waiting for her as she and Sean shoulder through the shop door.
“Jasmine, may I see you quickly?” His words are innocuous, an everyday request that alerts none of the volunteers working, although Lou’s head comes up.
He closes his office door behind him. At least this will be quick, she thinks. She knows his schedule and he needs to leave soon to get to his next meeting on time.
“Did you get through to Pamela?” he asks, all concern.
She shakes her head. “I’ve left a message. I doubt we’re her main worry. Her family will be. But this changes nothing. You’ll keep your promise if you win? She’ll head up your constituency office?”
“Fighting for your lost lambs, again?”
