“Can I ask you something?” I couldn’t stop thinking of the coke Jackson had done at the New Year’s party, and I needed to know if it was something he did on the regular.
“Shoot.”
He pulled himself up to sit on the counter. I took the bottle out of his hands and placed it back in the cabinet so he wouldn’t take another shot before driving me home.
“What was up with the coke at the party? Is that like, a regular thing for you?” I asked with caution.
Jackson was chewing on the inside of his lip, like he felt regretful.
“I’ve done it a couple times, but no. It’s not a regular thing. Sophie and I had a fight before we picked you up, and I just wanted to feel better,” he admitted.
I nodded my head like I understood. “Well on that note, can you take me home? School tomorrow.” I gave a thumbs down and protruded my lower lip.
On the way home we blasted the music, singing along to “Maybe Next May” by Secrets. When we pulled into the driveway, I was out of breath from our car concert. I looked over at Jackson, and he had a hand over his chest as he tried to even his own breathing after the exertion of singing.
This was one of the first times in a while we were in the truck alone without Sophie or Julie. I was having such a good time spending time with him by myself, and I wasn’t ready to go inside, but I knew being alone with him in an enclosed space wasn’t a good idea for my well-being.
“Thanks, Jackson. That was a good day. I needed that,” I said.
Jackson smiled at me, then leaned forward to give me a hug. I hesitated before putting my arms around his neck. I tried to keep my breathing even, to not give away how much this was affecting me, being this close. The second he started rubbing his thumb against my back, I shot away without making eye contact.
“I’ll see you at school tomorrow,” I said as I grabbed my purse and hopped out the truck.
“Happy birthday, Addison,” Jackson called out from the open window. I tried to ignore the way him saying my full name still made my blood feel as thick as maple syrup.
Chapter 28
BEFORE
April, Ten Years Ago
Alittle over a month after my birthday, Marie took me to take my driver’s test. I had taken the written portion of the test the week of my eighteenth, and had been practicing driving around with Jackson since then.
My knee bounced up and down as I got ready for the parallel parking portion of the exam. Every time Jackson had taken me to practice driving in his truck, I had struggled the most with parking. I could never gauge how long the bed of the truck was. Now, in Marie’s SUV, I had to readjust three times. I remembered Jackson telling me that each time you readjusted, you’d lose a point. How many points had I already lost on reverse parking before this?
When I decided I was centered between the cones as evenly as I could be, the instructor motioned for me to get out of the car. I took a deep breath, preparing to hear that I botched it and wouldn’t even be able to take the driving portion of the exam.
“Alright, your mom can get in the backseat. I’ll be in the passenger seat,” the instructor said after walking around the car once. I had told him already that Marie wasn’t my mom, but I didn’t want to correct him a second time. I enjoyed hearing her referred to as my mom; she basically had been for the past four years, anyways.
I assumed if I was able to get back in the car, that meant I had passed the parking portion. Marie gave me a wink before opening the back door to get in. I suppressed an excited squeal before getting back in the driver’s seat.
Once I pulled out of the parking lot, the instructor started asking me questions like, “What would be the safest thing to hit if you swerved off the road?” and “What does a blinking yellow light mean?” I answered the first question by saying that hitting a fence with the side of the car was safest, and he nodded like I was correct. The question about a blinking yellow light I got wrong, saying it should be treated like a yield sign. When he said that I was wrong, I was convinced he would fail me. He asked me to turn the radio on and off, and I fiddled with the knob with shaky fingers.
If I failed this test, I was fucked. We were graduating high school next month; I couldn’t keep expecting Jackson to drive me around, and I hated when Sophie had to take us somewhere. I didn’t know if I would be starting college in the fall or not, but if I was, I couldn’t just ride my bike to campus like I was twelve years old.
When the test was over and we pulled back into the lot, Marie and I sat in silence while the instructor scribbled on his stupid clipboard with his scratchy pen. I almost asked Marie to step out of the car; I was ashamed by the thought of her hearing the instructor say the words, “You failed.”
When he finally looked over at me and told me I passed, I almost cried from happiness. I could get my license now. Thank you, universe!Marie even took a picture of me smiling with the certificate to send to Julie in California.
We immediately went to the Secretary of State so I could get a temporary license. Marie took me to lunch after, and then surprised me by taking me to a used auto dealer. I used a huge chunk of my savings to buy an old Buick. It wasn’t pretty—it was actually a really shitty car. It had a lot of miles, and kind of looked like a boat. But I could drive it to work and school, and best of all, it wasmine.I no longer had to feel trapped in the house with Peter. I could barely contain my excitement. When Jackson texted me that night to invite me to a party with him, I couldn’t believe I had the ability to text back and say,I’ll drive.
***
The party was another bonfire at Paul’s house, the same house we celebrated New Year’s at. When I picked up Jackson without Sophie, I didn’t question him.
We went our separate ways as soon as we entered the party, Jackson heading straight for the kitchen, and me moving toward the already burning bonfire pit.
Two hours later, Jackson was still throwing back shot after shot with the guys while I sat around the fire, watching the group around me share a blunt. I knew better than to take a drag tonight.
