“Andyehad no right to say any of those things about us. How dare ye, Freya? Howdareye?” Astrid never raised her voice, never added any real inflection to her words, but the anger behind them sizzled near the surface, full of outrage. “Ye have no idea what we’ve been through. And what’s more, I don’t think ye care, do ye? Well, listen tothis. We’ve worked hard to have peace in this convent, to keep ourselves safe. There’s always outside dangers, always greedy lairds who want our money or want to stop the work that we do. That will never change, I think. But one thing we don’t need is spoiled, selfishprincessescoming in and acting as though none of us are clever enough to understand theirproblems. Let me tell ye now, Freya, Senga has led a harder life than ye ever will. Kyla’s been through things ye cannot imagine. And me? Sure, I’ve lived my life here. I’m abandoned, unwanted, and I have to live with that every day.”
“I didn’t mean…”
“Stop talking!” Astrid said, and this time shedidraise her voice, which echoed around the cold cell. “Ye have said more than enough, Freya. It’s time to stop. If ye choose to leave, I think that would be best, don’t ye? Ye’ve done plenty.”
She turned slowly away, draping an arm over Kyla’s shoulders. With her free arm, she took Senga’s hand, and led the two of them out of the room. They didn’t look back.
Freya stayed where she was for a moment, knees trembling, cheek throbbing. She stumbled to the door, looking after them.
The three girls were making their slow way down the hallway, leaning against each other like a three-headed creature, voices low and inaudible.
“Fine!” Freya called after them. “Go! I don’t care. AndI’mgoing, too, out there to lead a proper life. Do you hear me?”
They didn’t turn around, or give any indication that they had heard. At the bottom of the hallway, the corridor curved, and soon the three girls were out of sight.
Freya was left alone. Always alone.
She gave a hiccoughing sob, and turned to dive back inside her room. She slammed the door, hoping it would make her feel better.
It didn’t.
Dropping to her knees, she pulled out the worn leather bag from underneath her bed, and began stuffing her few belongings into it. Tears fell freely, streaking hot and itchy down her cheeks. She didn’t bother wipe them away.
I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care,she told herself, again and again.Why should I? They didn’t even let me apologize.
Iwasgoing to apologize, wasn’t I?
A blue shawl appeared beneath her folded nightgown, and Freya’s breath hitched in her throat. Kyla had given it to her,after Freya complained of being cold at night. She sat back on her heels, clutching the shawl to her chest.
What have I done?
Her own words came back, biting like poisonous snakes, going round and round in her head and refusing to be ignored. She gave a miserable little moan, burying her face in the shawl.
What have I done?
I can’t stay here. Not after this.
The decision was made, then.
Freya was going to leave the convent.
Chapter 16
A Mistake, I think
Freya walked as quickly as she could, in the hopes of distracting herself from the memories.
It wasn’t working so far.
Her own words swam round and round in her head, taunting her.
How could I have done it? How could I have spoken to them like that?
Regret, it seemed, was a more painful thing than Freya could have anticipated.
Her feet had taken her up through the convent garden, towards the forest.
I don’t even know where I’m going.
