‘What?’
‘Well, the computer says the root cause within the host has been temporarily fixed. And you are the root cause. You are the host.’ She smiled. Nora blinked, and when she opened her eyes both she and Mrs Elm were standing in a different part of the library. Between stacks of bookshelves again. Standing, stiffly, awkwardly, facing each other.
‘Right. Now, settle,’ said Mrs Elm, before releasing a deep and meaningful exhale. She was clearly talking to herself.
‘My mum died on different dates in different lives. I’d like a life where she is still here. Does that life exist?’
Mrs Elm’s attention switched to Nora.
‘Maybe it does.’
‘Great.’
‘But you can’t get there.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because this library is aboutyourdecisions. There was no choice you could have made that led to her being alive beyond yesterday. I’m sorry.’
A light bulb flickered above Nora’s head. But the rest of the library stayed as it was.
‘You need to think about something else, Nora. What was good about the last life?’
Nora nodded. ‘Swimming. I liked swimming. But I don’t think I was happy in that life. I don’t know if I am truly happy in any life.’
‘Is happiness the aim?’
‘I don’t know. I suppose I want my life to mean something. I want to do something good.’
‘You once wanted to be a glaciologist,’ Mrs Elm appeared to remember.
‘Yeah.’
‘You used to talk about it. You said you were interested in the Arctic, so I suggested you become a glaciologist.’
‘I remember. I liked the sound of it straight away. My mum and dad never liked the idea, though.’
‘Why?’
‘I don’t really know. They encouraged swimming. Well, Dad did. But anything that involved academic work, they were funny about.’
Nora felt a deep sadness, down in her stomach. From her arrival into life, she was considered by her parents in a different way to her brother.
‘Other than swimming, Joe was the one expected to pursue things,’ she told Mrs Elm. ‘My mum put me off anything that could take me away. Unlike Dad, she didn’t even push me to swim. But surely there must be a life where I didn’t listen to my mum and where I am now an Arctic researcher. Far away from everything. With a purpose. Helping the planet. Researching the impact of climate change. On the front line.’
‘So, you want me to find that life for you?’
Nora sighed. She still had no idea what she wanted. But at least the Arctic Circle would be different.
‘All right. Yes.’
Svalbard
She woke in a small bed in a little cabin on a boat. She knew it was a boat because it was rocking, and indeed the rocking, gentle as it was, had woken her up. The cabin was spare and basic. She was wearing a thick fleece sweater and long johns. Pulling back the blanket, she noticed that she had a headache. Her mouth was so dry her cheeks felt sucked-in against her teeth. She coughed a deep, chesty cough and felt a million pool-lengths away from the body of an Olympian. Her fingers smelt of tobacco. She sat up to see a pale-blonde, robust, hard-weathered woman sitting on another bed staring at her.
‘God morgen, Nora.’
She smiled. And hoped that in this life she wasn’t fluent in whichever Scandinavian language this woman spoke.
