‘Not like that. You are the product of some strange interaction between my mind and the multiverse, some simplification of the quantum wave function or whatever it is.’
Mrs Elm looked perturbed by the suggestion. ‘What is the matter?’
Nora thought of the polar bear as she stared down at the yellow-brown stone floor. ‘I nearly died.’
‘And remember, if you die in a life, there is no way back here.’
‘That’s not fair.’
‘The library has strict rules. Books are precious. You have to treat them carefully.’
‘But these are other lives. Other variants of me. Notmeme.’
‘Yes, but whileyouare experiencing them, it isyouwho has to pay the consequences.’
‘Well, I think that stinks, to be perfectly honest.’
The librarian’s smile curled at its edges, like a fallen leaf. ‘Well, this is interesting.’
‘What is interesting?’
‘The fact that you have so thoroughly changed your attitude towards dying.’
‘What?’
‘You wanted to die and now you don’t.’
It dawned on Nora that Mrs Elm might be close to having a point, although not quite the whole point. ‘Well, I still think my actual life isn’t worth living. In fact, this experience has just managed to confirm that.’
She shook her head. ‘I don’t think you think that.’
‘I do think that. That’s why I said it.’
‘No.The Book of Regretsis getting lighter. There’s a lot of white space in there now ... It seems that you have spent all your life saying things that you aren’t really thinking. This is one of your barriers.’
‘Barriers?’
‘Yes. You have a lot of them. They stop you from seeing the truth.’
‘About what?’
‘About yourself. And you really need to start trying. To see the truth. Because this matters.’
‘I thought there were an infinite number of lives to choose from.’
‘You need to pick the life you’d be most happy inside. Or soon there won’t be a choice at all.’
‘I met someone who has been doing this for a long time and he still hasn’t found a life that he is satisfied with ...’
‘Well, Hugo’s is a privilege you might not have.’
‘Hugo? How do you—’
But then she remembered Mrs Elm knew a lot more than she should.
‘You need to choose carefully,’ continued the librarian. ‘One day the library may not be here and you’ll be gone for ever.’
‘How many lives do I have?’
