‘Because I have no choice.’
‘Trust me, Nora. If you really didn’t want to be here, you wouldn’t be here. I told you this right at the start.’
‘I don’t like it.’
‘Why?’
‘Because it is too painful.’
‘Why is it painful?’
‘Because it’s real. In one life, my brother is dead.’
The librarian’s face became stern again. ‘And in one life – one of his lives – you are dead. Will that be painful for him?’
‘I doubt it. He doesn’t want anything to do with me these days. He has his own life and he blames me that it is unfulfilled.’
‘So, this is all about your brother?’
‘No. It’s about everything. It seems impossible to live without hurting people.’
‘That’s because it is.’
‘So why live at all?’
‘Well, in fairness, dying hurts people too. Now, what life do you want to choose next?’
‘I don’t.’
‘What?’
‘I don’t want another book. I don’t want another life.’
Mrs Elm’s face went pale, like it had done all those years ago when she’d got the call about Nora’s dad.
Nora felt a trembling beneath her feet. A minor earthquake. She and Mrs Elm held onto the shelves as books fell to the floor. The lights flickered and then went dark completely. The chessboard and table tipped over.
‘Oh no,’ said Mrs Elm. ‘Not again.’
‘What’s the matter?’
‘You know what the matter is. This whole place exists because of you. You are the power source. When there is a severe disruption in that power source the library is in jeopardy. It’s you, Nora. You are giving up at the worst possible moment. You can’t give up, Nora. You have more to offer. More opportunities to have. There are so many versions of you out there. Remember how you felt after the polar bear. Remember how much you wanted life.’
The polar bear.
The polar bear.
‘Even these bad experiences are serving a purpose, don’t you see?’
She saw. The regrets she had been living with most of her life were wasted ones.
‘Yes.’
The minor earthquake subsided.
But there were books scattered everywhere, all over the floor.
The lights had come back on, but still flickered.
