“Major,” he said. “I think there’s like a hundred romances she’s reviewed, just within the past year. She has strong opinions on them. Her newer reviews are a lot more critical than her olderones—with, like, a few exceptions. She has faves who she says nothing but good things about.”
“Maybe that’s her beef with Melanie Joan,” I said. “She’s mad at her for writing a memoir instead of a romance.”
“Actually, no.”
“No?”
Blake shook his head. “The only Melanie Joan Hall book she’s posted about isStronger Alone.”
“Weird.”
“You want to know something weirder?”
I nodded.
“Of all the reviews she’s written—and we’re talking all five hundred and thirty of them—Stronger Aloneis the only book she gave one star.”
Rosie woke up from her nap. She stretched out her paws and yawned, then capped it off with a snort. Blake beamed, as though she’d just performed some incredible feat. “Good girl,” he said.
I beamed, too. “Isn’t she beautiful?”
“Flawless,” Blake said.
I lifted Rosie from the floor. She snuggled against me. “As I see it, there’re two possibilities,” I said. “Either Book Babe is a celebrity memoir buff who doesn’t thinkStronger Aloneis as good as the others she’s read. Or she’s someone who personally hates Melanie Joan.”
“I think it’s the second thing,” Blake said.
“Why?”
“The way the review is written.”
I nodded, as though I knew what he was talking about. Like I said, I’d only skimmed it.
“Oh, I almost forgot,” he said. “Richie called.”
“He did?” I pulled my phone out of my pocket. It had been on Do Not Disturb since the meeting with Woodrow, so I set it back to normal.
“He said he’s still trying to get coverage for tonight.”
“Oh, right.” I’d forgotten all about dinner at my parents’. It had felt so important this morning, when I’d FaceTimed Richie and asked him to come.Will he leave the Jersey Shore for me,I’d thought,even for a night?
I rolled my eyes. I’d actually been serious when I’d thought that.Who’s the drama queen now?I carried Rosie into my office and set her on my lap. Once she was comfortable, I pulled up ReadAnon and read the review carefully.
Eight
“Stronger Aloneis, without a doubt, the worst book I’ve ever read.”
That’s how Book Babe’s review of Melanie Joan’s memoir started. It went downhill from there. Besides calling Melanie Joan a “tone-deaf, hyperprivileged narcissist who plays the victim in order to exploit the sympathy of her fans,” Book Babe singled out specific incidents fromStronger Aloneto back up this thesis—from Melanie Joan’s “obvious exaggeration” of John Melvin’s abuse of her (“Nobody would be dumb enough to stay in the marriage she describes”) to her “villainization” of an unnamed actress Melanie Joan had wound up firing from the Netflix adaptation ofA Girl and Not a God(“Of course Hall tries to make herself into the wronged one, just like she always does in this grim piece of garbage,” Book Babe wrote.“But IMHO, that actress—more talented, intelligent, and good-hearted than this so-called author, I’m sure—has grounds for a lawsuit”). Perhaps worst of all, Book Babe quotedStronger Aloneat length for laughs—which Blake said she didn’t do in any of her other reviews. “Melanie Joan Hall can’t write—we all know that about her,” Book Babe concluded. “But far worse than that is her complete lack of self-awareness. At least most hacks know what they are.”
I skimmed a few more of Book Babe’s reviews. Blake was right. Some were positive. Some were negative. But I couldn’t find a single one that was this deeply personal. Book Babe was someone who knew Melanie Joan. She was someone who’d been hurt by her, or by this book. Most likely both.
I called Melanie Joan. “I’m sorry,” I said.
“Oh, God, what now?” she said.
“I read the review,” I said. “In full.”
“Oh,” she said.
