* * *
Her phone started blowingup an hour after she got home. An hour after she’d pedaled down Johnston Street through the flood of her tears. An hour after she shut herself in her room, even as Holi called out to ask what was wrong. An hour after she sent Ash away from her door, insisting she was fine although he had to know she wasnot.
Jacques:Where areyou?
Her phone rangtwo minutes later. When she didn’t answer, he textedagain.
Jacques:Rainey, where the hell are you?! I checked the bar, the courtyard, and front porch. You’re not in the bathroom. Are youokay?
“Oh,shit.”
She’d counted on him being pissed that she’d bolted, but she hadn’t thought he’d be worried. Of course, he already told her he didn’t like the idea of her riding home on her bike, that it wasn’t safe. As someone whose anxieties were constant companions — unwanted companions — Rainey hated that she’d made himworry.
Rainey:I’m home. I’m sorry. I couldn’tstay.
His response wasimmediate.
Jacques:Are you okay? Gotta say, that wasn’tcool.
Rainey swallowed.Okay, so maybe he was worried and pissed. But she deservedthat.
Rainey:I started to feel bad. I’m reallysorry.
That was true.She had started to feel bad, and she was sorry that she was so weak that she couldn’t stick around and face him knowing what she now knew. Already, she felt so drawn to him. No one had lit up her world the way he had in only a few days. He’d given her a glimpse of what her life might one day become. A life when she wouldn’t always feel afraid. When she wouldn’t always fracture when she thought of her brother. When she might behappy.
But that was only a tease because Jacques Gilchrist was destined for something greater than Rainey Reeves. And if she let herself develop feelings forhim…
Who was she kidding? She’d already developed feelings. A host of feelings. But it wasn’t like she’d fallen in love. Not yet. But Rainey could sure as hell see it from where she stood. And if she fell in love with him, her heart — which was already as weak as a human heart could possibly be — would be shattered into a thousandpieces.
Because. Jacques. Would.Leave.
And right now, that was okay. She could handle that. Better yet, she wanted that for him. Jacques deserved the record deals and the screaming fans. Secretly, she hoped it wouldn’t change him too much. That after everything fell into place for him, he’d still be a niceguy.
Rainey hadn’t known him for very long, but she couldn’t imagine him being anythingelse.
Jacques:You should have textedme.
“Yep,even angry, he’s still a super nice guy,” she said aloud. From the foot of her bed, Archie lifted his head and eyed her. “What do I say to the super nice guy, Arch?” She stared at her phone anddeliberated.
Rainey:You’re right. I should have. I wasn’t thinking. I’msorry.
And she was sorry.If she’d texted him saying she wasn’t feeling well and had gone home, he would have gotten in touch, but he wouldn’t be offended or — God forbid — hurt. And if he asked her out again, and Rainey already knew that was a bigIF, she could beg off, saying Holi needed her. She didn’t expect he’d pursue her very hard beyond that. They’d just met, afterall.
So his next text on the heels of this thought surprised the hell out ofher.
Jacques:I’m wrapping up here. I’ll come by to check onyou.
The soundof her gasp made Archie jump. Why did he have to be so sweet? Rainey knew, though, that if she let him come over, it would be harder still to pull away. And she had to pullaway.
Rainey:That’s sweet, but it’s late. I’m already inbed.
She heldher breath but didn’t wait long for hisresponse.
Jacques:Can I call youtomorrow?
For all of its invisibility,the knife that sunk into her heart was no less sharp. Telling him no was not an option. The last thing she wanted was to hurt him. Jacques Gilchrist had been nothing but kind and considerate with her in each of their encounters. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she didn’t want to encourage himeither.
Rainey:Surething.
