“You send him videos?” Rainey sat up, lookingsurprised.
“Yeah, the prisoners at Angola don’t really have internet access, but they do have Jpay, which is sort of like Facebook for inmates, but you have to pay for it. I can send him emails, videos, music. With permission, we can videochat.”
“Oh, wow. I had no idea…” she murmured. “He must be so proud ofyou.”
To this, Jacques could say nothing. His father was proud of him. Extremely so. Jacques often joked that because of his dad, he could boast an unusually higher concentration of incarcerated fans than most indie musicians. But he couldn’t help resenting that his dad had never seen him play live. Jacques had never looked out into the crowd to see his father smiling up athim.
It was only one of the thousands of moments Xand Gilchrist’s devastating choices had robbed from him, and these Jacques found almost the hardest toforgive.
“I think I’ve struck a nerve,” Raineymurmured.
He couldn’t deny it. “You said nothing wrong. I just can’t help but wish he’d done things differently.” And once he’d said this, it seemed easy to tell her the rest. “And for all of the suffering he’s caused and all the years he’s lost, that man is still hung up on mymother.”
Her soft gasp was the only response she made. Jacques probably should have stopped talking then, but he couldn’t seemto.
“With as much misery as she put him through, her leaving for good should have been the best thing to happen to him. It should have set him free… But it didn’t.” He shook his head. “That’s one thing about him that’s never changed, and I can’t understandit.”
Silence spread through the car, and Jacques resisted the temptation to put on music. He might have freaked Rainey out with his revelations about his father and their relationship, but it was real, and more than anything, he wanted whatever happened between the two of them to bereal.
Silence was real, so he made himself get along with it. Which was why he nearly jumped when shespoke.
“I used to feel that way about mymom.”
“What?” He glanced at Rainey to find her eyes gazing out the windshield. It was almost five o’clock, the low sun streaming in from their left and illuminating her profile in golden radiance. Her light brown hair gleamed, tempting him to touchit.
“Before John Lee… before the accident,” she said, her voice dropping low. “My mom put up with everything… I. Hated.It.”
The set of her jaw and the way she bit out the words affirmed as much, and again, he wanted to reach forher.
“It wasn’t until we lost John Lee th-that…” Rainey stopped and pulled in a long inhale through her nose, her shoulders straightening and spreading as shedid.
Jacques couldn’t help but admire herstrength.
“… that she finally gave up hope onhim.”
A moment passed. “I wish she’d done it years before. Maybe watching her do it then would have made mestronger.”
He felt his head check back. “Youarestrong.” He had his eyes on the road when he spoke. They were outside of Hattiesburg, and even at five o’clock, the traffic on that stretch of interstate was next to nothing, but the landscape was dotted with hills, and as much as he wanted to look at her, he needed to keep his eyes trainedahead.
Rainey made a little snort of laughter beside him. “Strong is the last thing I am,” shemuttered.
With one hand, he let go of the steering wheel and pointed at her with every sentence. “You’re making a cross-country trip to save your sister. That’s heroic, my friend. That’sstrong.”
His words made her smile, though he saw she foughtit.
“If I were strong, I’d be able to make this trip on my own,” she said, her tone a touch patronizing. Jacques distinctly felt as though she was thanking him for his gallantry, but suggesting that his words fooled noone.
Irritation smoldered in his gut. “Whether you drive or not has nothing to do with it,” he countered. “I’venever done anything likethis.”
Jacques waited for her to respond, and when she didn’t, he hoped his words had sunk in. But when the silence stretched further, he didn’t find it as tolerable as when he’d been the topic ofconversation.
“You know what Pal would say, right?” he asked, wanting to ease the tension and bring them back to the easy space they’d enjoyed all afternoon. He glanced at her and caught her slightfrown.
“No.What?”
“You didn’t drop thepotato.”
Rainey rolled her eyes and sniffed a laugh, but it worked. The mood in the car felt light and effortlessagain.
