Damn.
Damn.
Damn.
I knew this would happen. I tell myself I knew this would happen. But did it have to be so soon? I must have fooled myself into believing we’d have — I’d have months with her.
Evie breaks down again. I want to reach for her, but I can’t. I held her just a moment ago, but if I touch her again, I’ll lose it.
My throat tries to close, and I swallow hard against the choking loss. I can’t. I can’t show her what this will do to me.Isdoing to me. I promised myself when the time came, I’d make this easy on her.
Evie, I love you.
I’ve never wanted to say the words so badly. I’ve said them, but not enough. Not nearly enough.
As I sit on this perfect, white couch that may as well be soaked in my blood, I promise myself I will say those words aloud every day for the rest of my life. Every goddamn day.
But I need to get the hell out of here.
Gritting my teeth, clenching my fists, I move to stand, but Evie clutches my wrist. “Wait. Wait,” she says, her voice panicked. “D-do you know what I’m trying to say?”
I clear my throat and with everything I have, I force my voice to come out steady. “You’re breaking up with me.”
It’s like she’s been struck in the chest the sob shakes her so hard. “But I don’t want to,” she cries.
So it’s her family. They’re making her do it. I’m not surprised. And there’s some part of her that knows they’re right. Evie’s too headstrong and unconventional just to cave to their wishes. I want to know what happened to make her do this now. What they told her that led her to see reason. But I won’t ask. That would only make it harder for her.
My Evie.
I’d give her my life. I’d stand sentry outside her door until she’s ninety-nine and I’m a hundred and four. I’d take a bullet, get hit by a bus, or throw myself on a landmine to protect her. I know she’s crying now because she doesn’t want to hurt me.
Me. The felon. The thug.
She’s crying. Over me. And it just makes me love her even more. More than I ever thought I could love. I knew this would hurt like hell. It does. So goddamn much. And it’ll hurt to keep loving her. But it’s the best thing I’ve ever done, and I don’t plan to stop.
Despite Evie’s hand tight on my wrist, I stand. I need to howl for about three days, and I can’t do it here.
“I get it,” I mutter.
Silently, I vow:I will love you beyond death.
Unwelcome, the Audioslave lyrics we heard just weeks ago come back to me. If I died right now, would I know any lack of her? Would she already be in my heaven?
Knowing Evie and her magic, she would.
Okay, something to look forward to.
I let go breath that’s dangerously close to a sob, and I lock it down. “I gotta go, Evie.”
Her hand slips from me, her eyes widening. “But you don’t understand.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“No, you d-don’t.” Her voice breaks, and she reaches for me, but Christ almighty, I can’t handle that, so I step back and lift my hands behind my head.
“No.” It’s all I can say because I’m about to fucking lose my shit. And maybe the word comes out harsher than I intend, but holy fuck, I won’t be able to leave if I hold her. “I gotta go.”
Her mouth falls open, and she stares at me like I’ve just struck her. “So that… that’sit?”
