How could he think for a minute I’d—
“Have you talked to him about it? Since Wednesday, I mean?” Kath asks.
I roll my eyes. “No.” It’s Friday, and although I’m spending time with Luc, I’ve made sure we’re never alone when I do. Luckily, Emmett had to make a diorama Thursday night, and last night was another away game. “I know I need to talk to him. I just want to wait until I’m sure.”
Kath raises a brow at me. “And what then?”
I swallow. “Tell him I’m pregnant—”
“You’re not pregnant.”
I sigh. Kath has no appreciation for the power of The… The… Whatever We’re Calling It. Honestly, I can’t even bring myself to thinkCurseanymore. Because if I am pregnant (who am I kidding? I’m so totally pregnant) it’s Luc’s.
And how couldthatbe a curse? How could that be anything but wonderful?
I sigh again, but this one sounds completely different. Worshipful. Hopeful.
Yes. I hope I’m pregnant. (Again, who am I kidding?)
But I’m hoping for more than that. So much more. And this hope is almost too big to let myself feel.
“Fine,” I concede just to move the discussion along.“IfI’m pregnant, I’ll tell Luc. I’ll tell him everything’s cool. That I don’t expect anything from him. He doesn’t even need to pay child support—”
“Millie!” Kath scolds with a scowl. “That’s crazy!”
I shrug. “It’s not like I—” the word halts in my throat, and I make myself say it hard,“needhim for a roof over my head or—or to pay the bills.”
This much is true. I don’t need him for those things.
Not those.
I press my lips together and move my gaze to my lunch. The Singapore Mai Fun is suddenly no fun at all. The noodles now look like tapeworms, and I toss my chopsticks on the table between us, my appetite long gone. “Besides…” I say on a forced exhale. “I know better than to ask so much of someone.”
“What do you mean, Millie?” Kath’s frown deepens. “A father taking responsibility for his baby isn’t too much to ask.”
I shake my head. “Normally, I’d agree with you, but my situation isn’t normal.”
Kath just stares like she’s waiting for me to elaborate, so I do.
“Luc has a pretty good idea of what it would be like if he stuck around,” I explain. “If he really wanted that, why would he even bring up other options?” I try to make it sound like it’s no big deal. Like I’m not involved.
Like my heart isn’t either.
She so totally calls me on my bluff. “Do you care about him?”
I swallow. “Y-yeah.”
Kath makes owl eyes at me. “I think telling a man you care for that you don’t need him is a bad idea.” Seriously, I feel like a field mouse under that stare. Then she goes in for the kill. “And I know I never knew them, but I think your parents would have too.”
I want to curl in on myself like I’ve been stabbed. Not really because Kath said it. But because she’s right. I resist the urge. Keep myself open and hold her gaze.
“Yeah, that’s true,” I acknowledge. “But—like you said—what they would have wanted can’t be applied to a world without them.”
She blows a breath out of her nose, her bird of prey look turning wry. “I knew those words would come back to haunt me.”
* * *
I’m supposedto be off on Saturday, but Dr. Loftin calls me in to help with an emergency surgery. Dachshund versus golf cart. Broken carpus and radius with tissue abrasions. Not a hopeless case, but one that requires time and skill. This is definitely one of those instances when two vets are better than one.
