His brother raked a hand through his hair. “Well, at least Mackenze will stop blaming herself over all of this.”
Jacob cut his brother a look. “She blames herself?”
The bite in Ryker’s voice was expected. “Of course she does. This whole thing between you and me started after you found out about us. She’s been blaming herself because she thought she came between us. You didn’t just cut me from your life, Jake. You cut her, too. Do you know how much that hurt her?”
Pain sliced right into Jacob’s chest. He didn’t let many into his life. He refused to allow people to get close because he’d never had good experiences. His parents chose their alcohol and drugs over their kids. His brother chose Jacob’s best friend over the future they’d planned together. And Mackenzie chose Ryker. It was easier for Jacob to keep people at arm’s length. If no one got close, then no one could let him down.
“I’m sorry,” Jacob whispered.
“Yeah, well, you don’t owe me an apology. As far as I’m concerned, you’re right to be upset with me. I’m the one who betrayed you. But Mackenzie? She didn’t deserve any of this. She’s done nothing but love you from the moment you became friends.”
Jacob didn’t have to verbally agree with his brother. Ryker knew that his words had hit home and Jacob wasn’t going to let this whole thing continue to fester. Instead, he picked at nonexistent lint on his pants. “Can I ask you something?”
Ryker glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. “Always.”
“Do you…” Jacob took a deep breath and blew it out through pursed lips. “Do you feel like something is missing? When you walked away from the career you built. How could you not…” He didn’t know how to finish that question without blatantly pointing out the sacrifices he’d made to settle down. The whole house and white picket fence thing had never fit either of them. Their home life hadn’t exactly instilled faith in a future like that.
His brother surprised him by chuckling. “I do feel like something is missing.”
Jacob turned to him sharply. “You do?”
“Yeah. You.”
Jacob rolled his eyes. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
His brother laughed again. “No, Jake. I don’t feel like I’m missing out. I loved the rodeo. The adrenaline alone made every competition worth it. The way we grew closer during those years had given me some of the best memories of my life. But…” He sighed. “When I realized what my life could be with Mackenzie by my side? I knew my priorities had changed. I didn’t need that rush anymore. Every day with her and my kids… it’s my own personal masterpiece. They’re my legacy, Jake.”
Goosebumps erupted on Jacob’s arms.
Ryker continued. “I loved the rodeo. Still do. But that had never truly beenmydream. It was a placeholder for a future I still planned on chasing. I always wanted a family. But I knew that wasn’t something you craved, so I didn’t talk about it much. You were determined to make it big and I wanted to be there to help push you. I knew you were capable of greatness, and I wasn’t about to drag you down…”
And now he felt like an even bigger jerk. How could he have been so blind? Ryker had been there for him when he’d needed it most. Part of that meant keeping his head in a good place. Jacob wasn’t an idiot. He had his parents’ blood coursing through his body. He could have just as easily turned to those vices and if he had? He wouldn’t be the man he was today.
He squeezed his eyes shut to fight the emotions threatening to appear. No amount of apology would be good enough to show his brother how sorry he was for his selfishness. He’d refused to attend the wedding. He’d moved away so he didn’t have to make excuses about missing holidays or other family events. He’d shut them from his life and all because he was too stubborn to accept his brother had finally done something for himself.
When the silence dragged for too long, Ryker murmured, “So are you going to tell me about Hallie?”
Jacob didn’t answer. There were too many unanswered questions in his own head about her. If he opened his mouth to talk about her, he might end up saying something he didn’t mean and then there would be no taking it back. Not that he thought he’d hurt Ryker. Jacob simply wasn’t prepared to discover how he felt about the woman currently living under his roof.
“Because it’s clear there’s something brewing between the two of you. It’s in the air, brother.”
Jacob snorted.
“Don’t deny it. And don’t tell me that it’s one sided. I’ve never seen you look at a girl like that before. She’s more than just your friend, isn’t she?”
“No,” he snapped. “She’s my friend and I’m not going to take it further than that.” But even as the words left his lips, he wasn’t sure he believed them.
“Do me a favor, Jake? Don’t stand in the way of yourself when it comes to love. There’s nothing like it. Nothing can come close to the high you get when you find your better half.”
“And Mackenzie is that for you?” Jacob already knew the answer to that question, but he needed out of the conversation his brother was trying to have.
“You know she is.” Ryker glanced at him and Jacob thought he might say something more, but he didn’t. He seemed to want Jacob to let his words settle.
And there wasn’t anything more dangerous than leaving Jacob with his thoughts especially when it came to Hallie.
Competing had come to a standstill. He didn’t even know if he would be getting back into an arena for the rest of his life. He was smart enough to listen to the doctors. Heck, he’d seen other men do irreparable damage by ignoring their doctors. So much so that they couldn’t walk again. Jacob wouldn’t do that to himself.
And if he couldn’t get back in the saddle? Would it be so bad to entertain the idea of finding someone who could mean as much to him as Mackenzie meant to Ryker?
