He nodded, numb.
Something cold and heavy was placed into his palm and he glanced down to see his phone. When he looked up, Hallie was giving him a reassuring smile. “After I get the food started, I’ll make some calls of my own. This calls for celebration. You getting back on the horse is going to be the biggest news this town has seen since I don’t know when. It deserves a party. Invite your brother. I’m sure he’d love to come.”
You’re too good for me.
He would have voiced the words if he could, but his heart was being torn in half. No, this wasn’t a matter of having his heart broken because his feelings weren’t being returned. This wasa matter of his heart already belonging out there on the road, when at the same time the other half wanted nothing more than to put down roots and see what a life with Hallie could be.
Hallie flicked her fingers toward him. “Go on then. I know you’re in shock, but everything will settle down and reality will kick in. You got this.”
Gripping the phone tight in his hand, he headed for the door. This wasn’t a conversation he could have with Hallie listening in.
Ryker picked up on the first ring. “What’s the news, man?”
“I have a green light.” His voice sounded thick even to himself. He wasn’t nearly as excited over the prospect of what would come next.
“Is that a good thing? I thought green lights meant go.”
“Yes… yeah… they do…”
“Then why do you sound like you just found out your horse broke his leg?”
Jacob dug his fingers into his scalp and hung his head. “Because I don’t know what to do.”
“You don’t want to compete?” Ryker’s shock came through loud and clear.
“I did—do. I’m going back in. I’ll be kicking my practice and training up a notch. I have a great PT who’s going to be there every step of the way.”
His brother was silent for so long Jacob had to look at his screen again just to make sure he hadn’t hung up on him. Then he finally spoke. “So what’s the hang up, Jacob?” The way he said it made it clear he had a generally good idea.
“Did you ever…” Jacob sighed. “Did you ever resent Mackenzie after you walked away… you know… from everything?”
“Jacob…” Ryker sighed, concern in his tone. “Is this about Hallie?”
“Just answer the question.”
“No. Not ever. And just because?—”
“That’s just it, then, isn’t it?” Jacob closed his eyes tight, willing his emotions to stay in check. “We can’t have it all. You walked away from your career. I wouldn’t be able to do that. Ican’tdo that. If I did, I know I’d feel resentful. This is my dream.”
“What makes you think you can’t have it all? Hallie isn’t a stranger to the rodeo lifestyle, right? She knows what it would be like. I’m sure she’d like the adventure of traveling with you.”
Jacob shook his head. “That’s too much of a sacrifice. We’re better off living separate lives.”
More silence followed. As much as Jacob expected Ryker to tell him he was making the wrong decision, that didn’t happen. His brother merely sighed once more. “You have to make the decision that works best for you. Just… don’t let your fears or preconceived notions get in the way. There are always going to be multiple paths to get to the same location.”
Except not this time. Hallie was an only child. She’d been adopted into a big, beautiful family that showed up every single day for each other. Going from that to being on the road would be too much of a change. Heck, Jacob recalled how it had been when he first started. Leaving home even when he didn’t have parents to go back to had still made him homesick. All he had was Ryker and they were together. It hadn’t made sense.
How selfish would that make him if he asked Hallie to come with him on the road when she had so much going for her here? And what about her photography plans? She could take courses or get a job if she won that competition.
No.
This would be for the best. Cutting ties with Hallie would hurt them both, but in the end, they’d be better off for it.
“Yeah, I know,” Jacob mumbled. “Hey, Hallie is throwing a party sometime soon to celebrate. You think Mackenzie and the kids would want to come up for something like that? I’m sure we can schedule something to work around your responsibilities.”
“Let me look into it and I’ll get back to you, all right?”
“Okay. Thanks, Ryker.”
