“Oh, suddenly you care? After giving me the cold shoulder and practically ignoring me for two months?” Jules pulled her arm free and gave her head a shake. “No offence Frankie, but I’m good.”
The way Jules said her name sounded wrong, the edge to it cutting Frankie right down the middle. She knew she’d hurt Jules by distancing herself but she hadn’t anticipated this type of response when their paths crossed like this again and Frankie was taken aback by it.
“I’ve been busy,” she said, knowing immediately that it was the wrong thing to say by the way Jules' expression shifted into a smile laced with sarcasm.
“Good for you, I understand how seriously you take your job. I hope the Halifax Harbour is pleased with your dedication to the franchise.”
The next time Jules turned to leave, Frankie didn’t stop her but she sighed, her heart hammering in her chest. She needed to fix this, for both of them, because it was clear that neither of them were happy about the situation Frankie had chosen to put them in.
“I owe you an apology.” And just as Jules had reached the fitness centre door, she stopped, her hand hovering over the handle. “If you’ll allow me to give you one."
Jules glanced over her shoulder at Frankie then looked up at the ceiling and closed her eyes before she nodded and turned around. She crossed her arms and stood in place by the door, silently giving Frankie the go ahead to say whatever it was that she wanted to say.
As honest as Frankie wanted to be, this wasn’t exactly the right time to confess her feelings, her very muchmorethan just friends feelings, for Jules.
There probably wouldn’t ever be a right time for that to happen but she could at least try and salvage their friendship. Her mood over the last two months and the reaction Jules had to her today showed her that a friendship was worth more than anything else, and she should be allowed to have it.
She didn’t need to punish either of them out of fear.
“This job is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced,” Frankie said. “And I think I’m just really used to being alone in my stress. I’ve never been in a position where I could build relationships with the people I worked with…or the people surrounding them. And you…”
You make me feel like glitter, she wanted to say. You make me feel like I shine when the light hits me, like I can make something simple a bit more beautiful. You don’t even realize you’re doing it when you look at me, when you smile at me, when you tell me you’re proud of me.
“You were quickly becoming one of the closest friends I’ve ever had.”
“And what’s wrong with that, Frankie?” Jules said, her chest rising in frustration as she frustratedly threw her hands up in the air. “Because I felt the same way.”
“But I didn’t know if Icouldhave a friendship like this right now, what people would think if they knew, what people would say about you when you already have enough to deal with because of who your brother is. I thought…I don’t know, I guess I thought maybe it would be better if we kept things professional.”
“I’m not on your team…there aren’t any rules about you and I being friends, no league-wide mandate to keep us from spending time together and it wasn’t fair of you to make a choice for me.”
Frankie’s eyes widened and her breath shuddered slightly because she knew Jules was right but was it really that easy? “I know,” she said in agreement. “Deciding to ice you out the way I did was the wrong thing to do. You deserve better and I’m sorry.”
“My whole adult life I haven’t had much of a say in anything, because Cam is my brother and his career is the most important thing, his continued success, because we promised each other that I would always be there. I love my brother, I really do, but do you know how lonely it is to have grown up as an orphan with a celebrity for a sibling?”
Her voice broke and the sound landed deep in Frankie’s chest, making her think that there was more weight to what Jules was saying than she was letting on. This was about more than just Frankie’s unfair decision to distance herself.
“I’ve always been an add on to Cam’s professional career, and it’s meant that I almost never allow myself to have anything of my own. Then you came along and I didn’t want to be friends at first because it was just another relationship centered around Cameron Clarke. I didn’t want that and I told myself when we moved here that I should branch out, I would start to live formyselfand build a life outside of this sport, if it were even possible, but we clicked and I decided to let it happen, to let myself be happy. And then you took that choice away from me and it made me feel stupid. Just like I always am, I was alone again.”
”Jules, you’re…you’re not alone,” Frankie said, the connection to Jules that she hadn't stopped feeling pulling her across the room.
“Aren’t I? Because I thought I had a real friend here but I don’t and Cam…he’s…” Her face crumpled and whatever resolve she had left disappeared as she covered her face with her hands and began to cry.
“Hey, hey, come on,” Frankie said, dropping her water bottle and sweat towel on the ground. She rushed to Jules and without an ounce of hesitation, wrapped her arms around her and held her close. Rubbing soothing circles on her back, she brought her other hand up to cradle her head as Jules slid her arms around Frankie’s waist and melted into the embrace. “You do have a friend, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.”
”I’m the one who should be sorry,” Jules muttered against Frankie’s chest and Frankie could feel the warmth of hot tears against her skin. She knew hershirt would be soaked through but she didn’t care in the slightest. “I must look like a crazy person.”
“Shh, you have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing.”
They stood there for a few minutes like that, with Frankie’s arms wrapped around Jules, a face resting right above where Frankie’s heart was beating, warm breath tickling her skin. She never stilled the comforting caress of her hand on Jules' back, never wavered in wanting to be a pillar of strength in a moment when the woman in her arms needed one.
When Jules finally slackened and slipped her arms free from Frankie’s body, she brought her hands to her face and wiped away whatever mess she felt she needed to.
She opened her eyes and looked up at Frankie, who with a couple of inches on her, could look down into her pain filled icy blue eyes.
The sight broke Frankie’s heart. Even now, when Jules seemed so despondent, so outside of the bubbly, illuminated person she always was, Frankie still thought she was the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen but seeing her hurting this much made Frankie ache for her.
“Jules.” Frankie wanted to wipe beneath her eyes with her thumb, to trace the tracks of her tears with a gentle stroke of her finger, but settled instead for taking one of her hands and slipping their fingers together. “What’s this really about?”
