“But it’s an emergency!” I wailed down the phone.
“If ye’re experiencing an emergency, perhaaaaps ye aught ta go down to the emergency room,” she suggested.Was she even speaking English?
“It’s not that kind of emergency,” I said. I could see the taxi driver was really paying attention now.
“What kinda emergency is it, luv?” she asked.
“Um . . . I think I’ve . . . uh . . .” I looked up at the rear-view mirror and the taxi driver was no longer even trying to be subtle. He was blatantly staring at me. I placed my hand over my mouth and tried to whisper into the phone. “I think I may have something in there,” I whispered.
“Sorry, what?” she asked.
“I said,” I tried to whisper a little louder this time, still not too loud, “I think I may have something in there.”
“Sorry, you need to speak up, dear!”
“Fuck!” I glared at the taxi driver and this time he did look away. “I said, I think I have something stuck in there . . . you know.Up there!” I said that last part pointedly.
“You have a rectal foreign body?” the woman replied coolly, as if she said this kind of thing all the time. She probably did.
I cringed at the sound of it and wanted to die, but pulled myself together when I remembered the reason I was doing this.
“Mmm-hmmm,” I mumbled. “I think so.”
“You think so, or you know so? The doctor can’t squeeze you in for ‘I think so,’ ” she said.
“Definitely!” I suddenly shouted. “Absolutely! Totally lodged in there. In there . . . so far in there . . . deep!” I hid my face in my hand as I said it, I could see the taxi driver had perked right up.
“What is it?” the lady asked.
“What is what?” I asked.
“What is it that you have in your rectum?” Again with that cringey word.
“Um . . .” my brain raced but I couldn’t think of a single thing. “Who knows!” I finally said, face-palming as I did. “Could be anything, really . . . Could be many, many things. You know how it goes?” I squeezed my forehead between my fingers and wanted to bite down on my tongue to stop myself from talking. But I needed to see Alex, and I’d do and say whatever I needed to do to make that happen.
“Aaaaah, I seeeeeeee,” the woman said in a knowing voice, as if this had happened before.Dear God, did this happen?
“So, that’s why I’d rather come to the doctor than go to the emergency room, if you don’t mind,” I said. “It’s a delicate issue, if you know what I mean.”
“I understand.” I heard a page flap. “The doctor could see you now if you can be here in fifteen minutes?”
“Perfect!” I almost shouted this last part down the phone and jumped in my seat with excitement.
“What’s your name?” she asked.
“Uh . . . my name?” But I didn’t want to give it to her. “Uh . . .” I looked around the taxi and outside and said the first thing I thought of. “Sally.” The sex doll.
The taxi driver eyed me suspiciously. “Oh, keep your bloody eyes on the road and your ears to yourself!” I shouted at him. He finally had the grace to look away.
After a few more minutes we finally pulled up to the hospital. I paid as fast as I could and threw myself from the taxi.
“Good luck with whatever it is,” the driver called after me with a sarcastic smile. I wanted to run back and wipe it off his face, but I had more important things to worry about. I raced into the hospital, scanned all the doctors’ names on the board and once I’d located Alex’s room number, I rushed to find it. It was easy to find and soon I found myself standing in his waiting room.
The room was full of people sitting around reading the paper. People looked up momentarily and then looked away, as if no one wanted to make eye contact, as if no one wanted to admit why they were here.
I walked up to the counter. “Hi, I’m Sally.”
The woman looked up from what she was doing. “The emergency patient?” she asked. Too loudly. I looked around to see if everyone was looking at me again . . .they were. You could only have one emergency in this kind of doctors room!
