Honestly, heartbroken doesn’t really even describe what I’m feeling right now.
More . . . later . . . shit! I don’t know.
P.S. Pitched new article about growing trend for woman to order male sex dolls with robotic penises. Their skin feels soft, they kiss, they cuddle you after sex and you can choose the shape, length and size of penis, as well as customize their looks. Might be a real option for me moving forward! Imagine . . . I get a Matt doll and hide it in the broom cupboard and bring it out at night. OH GOD! I’m losing my mind.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The bar was on the beach, and the sand was still warm when I took my shoes off and walked towards it. It had that typical dried palm tree roof that made you think ofPirates of the Caribbean, rum and Johnny Depp—not necessarily in that order. A few people were sitting around, mostly couples looking romantic, as if they were on their honeymoons. I hated them. But then I saw him . . . not the tortoise this time.The other him.
Facemask man, Alex. He was sitting alone at the far end of the bar and was wearing the most bizarre ensemble I’d ever seen. I scrunched up my face involuntarily at the sight of it, it wasthatdownright hideous.
But it wasn’t so muchwhathe was wearing, but morewhy the hell?The outfit seemed so incongruent with the man I’d met the night before. Not that I knew him, but if you’d asked me to guess what kind of clothes he’d wear, this would not be them.
He was wearing a black leather jacket, the kind that had revolting silver studs on the collar, and were those . . .?Yes, black leather tassels hanging from his big, puffy shoulders. His jacket was open, revealing a tight black and purple T-shirt. The T-shirt had a skull on it set against a background of orange flames. He turned his head slightly and something glinted by his hair and,oh no, if I thought it couldn’t have gotten any worse, there it was, a gold stud earring in his left ear. I almost threw up in my mouth.
And then it got even more bizarre, because around his wrist he was wearing a timeless, elegant-looking Rolex watch. It was the kind of watch that sophisticated gentlemen wore. The top half of him looked like it was trying to go to a Kiss rock concert, circa bloody 1980—except for the watch. I dreaded to see what the bottom half looked like but luckily for me it was tucked behind a big wooden bar. My vote was either crotch-squeezing black leather pants, or ripped stone-washed denims.
I couldn’t quite figure this whole thing out; was he trying to invent some kind of a new look? Was this outfit meant to be some kind of a statement, an ironic one hopefully, or did he just simply have the worst clothing taste in the world? Well, he did put a facemask on that he found in a magazine . . .
His hands started moving and I looked down at the bar, and that’s when I realized what he was doing. It just took this whole thing from bizarre to science fiction. He was flipping through a pile of what looked like women’s magazines while drinking a bright pink drink through a twirly yellow straw.What the hell?
I stood there in the shadows, I didn’t want to be seen, and watched curiously as he turned the pages, as if he was really reading them. And then, out of his pocket, a green highlighter appeared. He slowly highlighted some sentences on the page and then took out a small notebook and scribbled something in it. He slurped his fancy-looking drink while he read.
I followed the straw from the drink up to the lips that were wrapped around it, and then onto the face that the lips were attached to. I scanned the face carefully. This whole thing made no sense. It made no sense that the man with the kindest eyes I’d ever looked into, the most perfect straight, white shiny teeth set into one of the biggest smiles I’d ever seen, was wearing . . .that!As morbidly curious as I was about his outfit, I really didn’t feel like company tonight so I turned and started walking away, mentally planning how much it would cost if I drank everything in the mini bar. But a voice stopped me.
“Val!” he called, and I was forced to turn.
“Hi.” Alex had seen me and was standing up. I gave him a noncommittal wave. Ireallydidn’t want company. “I was just going back to my roo—”
“So good to see you.” He started walking towards me and my eyes immediately drifted down to his pants. Tight, black, ripped jeans. So ripped, in fact, that they looked like they’d lost a fight to a lawnmower. But on his feet, he was wearing a pair of sporty white running shoes.How could this be?Was he actually part of a conjoined twin set? His twin was fused to him, the twin who was into rock and roll and gold ear studs. The man I’d met last night was merely the wrists and feet twin. I tried to pry my eyes away from the jeans, but it was hard.
“I’m so glad I’ve found you. I’ve been looking for you all day,” he said.
“Huh? You have?” I asked.
He smiled at me.Wow.There it was again. Quite possibly the friendliest smile I’d ever seen. This was the smile of a man who needed to be in a toothpaste commercial, not a commercial for Harley Davidsons.
“I figured out how to pay you back for helping me last night.”
“That’s really not necessary,” I said quickly.
He walked all the way up to me and stopped. “But I insist.”
“What is it?” I asked.
“Come to the bar and I’ll show you.” He turned and started walking away. I wasn’t really sure about this at all, but I followed him anyway. Alex pulled one of the barstools out for me. I couldn’t remember the last time a guy had pulled a chair out for me and for a second I didn’t know what to do. I finally lowered myself into it.
“Would you like a drink?” he asked, waving the bartender down.
“I don’t know,” I said.
“Oh come on,” he urged. “Just one.”
I sighed. “Sure.” I couldn’t believe I was agreeing to this. “What’s that?” I gestured to his pink beverage.
“It’s called a rosy sunrise, I believe.”
“You’re kidding, right?” I asked, letting my eyes sweep over him once more. This was getting more bizarre by the second. Dressed like that he should be drinking sacrificial blood from a pewter chalice, or whiskey and petrol out of a human skull.
