“Valeria Svetlana Iv—”
“Sorry, what?” He cut me off. “Svetlana?” he asked, a smile washing over his face.
“Shall I give you a few moments to make a joke, a lot of people do when they find out my middle name. And I’ve heard it all before . . . sounds like a porn star’s name, et cetera!”
He shook his head. “I can see it, though. You have that whole hot Russian thing going for you.”
“Hot Russian thing?”
“Icy blonde hair. High cheekbones. Piercing blue eyes. Also looks like you could wrestle a bear in the snow if need be.” He momentarily looked like he was about to fall off his knee and onto the floor.
“Okay, okay. Just get on with my proposal,” I said, straightening myself up, trying to look pretty for my fake engagement.
“Will you,I’ll just go with Val, make me the happiest man alive and marry me?” He smiled up at me in a very goofy manner.
“Yes! Yes!” I brought my hands up to my face like those women who win Miss Universe do. “Yes, I will,” I replied excitedly. “Oh my God!” I fanned myself dramatically, still thinking of Miss Universe. “I can’t believe this is happening. Oh my God, it’s a dream come true and it’s so much better than world peace.”
And then, he took my hand and slipped the ring onto my finger. It fit perfectly and I stared at it. It was strange to have something on that finger, after all these years of nakedness. Alex stood back up.
“How was that?” I asked, quite proud of my dramatic acceptance performance.
“Great,” he gushed like he really meant it. “I know it sounds weird, but that felt really good! Thanks!” He laid a big hand on my shoulder. “Anything you want to make you feel better?”
“Yes,” I said without even thinking. “You know what I would like?” The world was spinning more than ever now and the walls were tilting.
“What?” Alex moved closer to me and smiled. “What would you like? Tell me.”
“I’d love someone to kiss me, and then remember it in the goddamn morning. Is that too much to ask? Is it too much for a girl to kiss a guy and want him to remember it in the morning?”
And then, without warning, his lips were on mine. They were hard and demanding. I opened my mouth, wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer. He fell over me, his body pressing into mine, pushing my back into the door. The kiss became frenzied and uncontrollable. His hand came up to the nape of my neck and he grabbed it possessively, holding me in place as he explored every corner of my mouth. In the back of my mind,far, far back, a little sober voice whispered at me . . . “Val, what the fuck are you doing?” But I was far too turned on to listen to it. So instead, I lifted my leg and wrapped it around him, letting him fall further into me. He grabbed my leg as his lips left mine and explored my neck. I threw my head back, almost giddy with lust as he ran his tongue up my neck, sucked it and bit my earlobe. I ran my hands over his naked back. I dug my nails into it when his lips came back up to mine and devoured me.
“What the?” A voice suddenly stopped us and we bolted apart.
“Shit!” I said, as I looked into the faces of an older couple who were now staring at us. “Sorry, I . . .” I looked at Alex and we laughed again. I flung my door open, while Alex raced down the corridor and disappeared around the corner, still in his underwear. I threw myself onto my bed, the room spun rather fast and then, suddenly, everything went black.
Dear Diary,
Okay, not forever. I’m back with news. It’s positive, I think. A step in the right direction, sort of.
I went out tonight without Matt. This is a first for me, I think my entire social life for the last couple of years has centered around Matt. Anyway, I met this guy called John. I could see he was good-looking. He had all the right ingredients for it; sexy smile, brooding dark eyes and carefully tousled hair. The only problem was that I wasn’t attracted to him. I know that sounds like an oxymoron. But since meeting Matt, I haven’t felt attracted to anyone else. I can still appreciate an attractive man but upon meeting one, but there is never any loin-stirring or heart-fluttering or things like that. John is also a writer, but a sports writer, so we chatted and ranted and raged about editors for a while and the strange world of publishing. Then, we had some drinks, climbed onto the dance floor and before I knew it, we’d pinned each other to the wall of the nightclub.
The kiss was good, technically speaking. Everything moved as it should, no excessive tongue and teeth and spit that covers your chin. His kissing technique was solid, a definite 8 out of 10. But I felt nothing while kissing him and all I could think about was kissing Matt. I even closed my eyes at one stage and imagined it was Matt—I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit this, even to myself. How could Matt not remember that kiss? I know I’m harping and have been for years, but seriously?
I won’t go into too much of the sex details with John. It happened once. I wouldn’t write home about it. And yes, I did close my eyes and imagine Matt a few times . . . and yes, I know how pathetic that makes me sound.
Anyway, I’m thinking of asking Matt and Sam out on a double date with John and me. Maybe seeing me with someone else might make something inside Matt’s head click.
And who knows, maybe John will become the man of my dreams and I will love him and marry him and one day laugh about this, about how ridiculously in love I thought I once was with Matt.
Okay, I am not putting you away just yet. I want to record how this plan of mine pans out.
So definitely more later . . .
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
My head was thumping when I finally managed to pry my eyes open. My mouth was drier than the Sahara Desert, and my eyes were stinging as if someone had come in the middle of the night and stabbed them with little pins and then filed them with sandpaper too. I rolled over, and my stomach lurched.Oh, God!
I swung my legs off the bed and tried to stand, but I could barely feel my feet. In fact, did I even have feet?It felt more like I had large cement blocks strapped to my legs than actual things that could be walked on. Finally, I was up and standing, swaying from side to side as if being pulled in different directions by a million invisible hands. I took a step, and my head thumped even more.
