I quickly closed my eyes again and let out a long, loud scream. As loud as I could as we continued to fall further and faster. My brain was having such trouble trying to figure out what was going on right now. It was as if it couldn’t process all the information I was getting, and why should it? I’d never done anything even vaguely like this before. All my senses were overloaded all at once. From every conceivable angle, all screaming different things. I heard the instructor scream something in my ear, it sounded likenot fighting it, just going with it and accepting it!
Accept it? Accept that I was falling from a helicopter? Plummeting towards the Earth with nothing but some flimsy piece of fabric to stop me from smashing into the ground at a million miles an hour. My heart was beating against my chest and I could feel the thump of my frightened pulse in my neck and face and ears.
But then suddenly . . .something happened. I’m not sure why, or what it was exactly, but everything seemed to slow down. My heart got into a slower, steady rhythm, the winds didn’t feel as violent and downright abusive, my ability to breathe deeply returned. I opened my eyes again and looked around.
And I had to admit that it was beautiful up here. I felt like I was in some kind of strange no-man’s land. A secret place that existed somewhere between the sky and the Earth. Where I was free-falling completely out of my own control. I surrendered myself to it all.
I untightened my fingers, opened my hands and slowly held my arms out, giving myself over completely to the feeling of falling. The feeling of absolute freedom. All of a sudden I felt like some kind of powerful, kickass superhero, soaring through the skies. I smiled, and out of the corner of my eye saw Alex approaching. We looked at each other and our eyes locked. He was also smiling and I could see he was experiencing the same thing I was. The empowering feeling of total freedom.
All my problems seemed so far away from me now. All those pesky earthly problems like deadlines and meetings and rent and Matt. The things that kept you locked down and trapped, disappeared. Up here, they just didn’t exist. There was nothing here except me, Alex and the big wide-open skies. I reached my hands out towards him and he did the same. We grabbed onto each other so tightly and held on as if our lives depended on it.
We smiled at each other. Stupid, silly smiles. Smiles of complete joyous abandon. To leap through the sky like this was the most liberating, exciting thing I’d ever done. The adrenalin whooshed through my veins like an intoxicating drug and I’d never felt this good before.
We began to laugh as we held onto each other’s fingers and twirled through the air. I’d forgotten there were even instructors strapped to our backs. Right now, it was just the two of us. Nothing else in the world existed.This was what living in the moment felt like!I was one hundred percent in the here and now. No looking back and wishing things could have been different. No looking forward and wanting to control and manipulate the outcomes of things. I was here. Now. That was all.
And then suddenly, I felt a huge jerk, we were forced to let go of each other’s hands and were physically pulled apart. Thrown backwards as the parachutes opened and slowed everything down.
And now I was floating, not falling. It was a totally different feeling. It was soft and slow and gentle as we wound our way back down to the Earth. Trees, houses, hills and roads soon came into view. And the more of them I could see, the more I didn’t want to, because I didn’t want this to ever end. I didn’t want to put my feet on the ground again.
I wanted to stay up here forever. Free from everything. But I knew that what went up had to eventually come back down. Everything got closer and closer, objects rushed towards me until, finally, my feet touched the ground.
At first I was disorientated as my knees and then hands collided with a sudden bump. It wasn’t painful, but it was hard enough to snap me out of where I’d been and bring me back to reality. I scrambled to my feet and immediately looked around for Alex. And there he was. Without communicating our intentions, we both ran and threw ourselves into each other’s arms. I held onto him as tightly as I could, I didn’t want to let go.
“Oh my God!” I screamed into his ear as I clutched onto him for dear life. I could feel his heart pounding against my chest. It was beating so hard and fast, just like mine. We tightened our grip and suddenly it felt like our hearts were beating as one. I could no longer feel where his heart began and mine ended. I put my face against his. His cheek was cold, and yet, I felt hot. I wasn’t going to let go of him, and it felt like he wasn’t either, that is until we heard someone clear their throat. We pulled away from each other and that’s when we both realized there were still humans attached to our backs. We laughed as our instructors unclipped us.
“Thank you,” I said softly, looking into his cool, gray eyes.
“No . . . thank you,” Alex replied. And then he did something. A small gesture that for some reason felt so significant in that moment. He kissed his hand, and then blew it across to me.
I smiled, and like a child might do, I reached out and grabbed the invisible kiss. I closed my hand around it, and I swear, I could almost feel something there sitting in the palm of my hand. I didn’t want to let this kiss go. Even though I knew it wasn’t real, I wanted to hang onto it. So I tucked the imaginary kiss into the pocket of my pants.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
We were back on the road driving and laughing. The excitement in the car was palpable. I tapped the steering wheel as I drove, as if I needed some physical outlet for the energy that was surging through my body right now. The magazine had been right! Adrenalin was the answer. Adrenalin was the answer to everything.
Alex held the magazine up triumphantly and then took his pen and frantically began ticking the step on the page. “Done! Ticked!” He tossed the magazine into the back of the car looking so pleased with himself. He reached out and turned the radio on. An instant eighties hit blasted into the car in all its colorful, permed glory. We both looked at each other and started scream singing. When the song ended, I turned to Alex.
“So where to next?” I asked. “What else do you have planned?”
“We’re off to a place called Cilaos, it’s up in the mountains and it’s meant to be beautiful.”
“That’s not what I meant. I meant, what does the magazine have us doing next?” I couldn’t believe I’d actually started enjoying this, and dare I say, believing in it. Something inside me did feel like it was shifting. I couldn’t quite place it, but I’d barely thought about Matt lately, which was a total miracle in itself.
“Let’s see.” Alex pulled the magazine out of the back. It was well worn already, the corners were dog-eared and tattered. He was just about to start reading when—
“You missed the turn,” he suddenly said, looking behind us. “Quick. Reverse.”
I put the giant vehicle in reverse and quickly backed up. The sign came into view. “The RN5?” I asked.
Alex turned his head and smiled at me. This time his smile was mischievous.
“What, Alex?” I asked.
“I forgot to tell you, this road looks quite . . .interesting.”
“Interesting?” I asked.
He nodded. “And steep.”
