Julian pulled out the famous bottle of tequila and three shot glasses.
“What’s this for?”
“We’ll have a drink together, to toast this moment.” He poured us each a drink and we all held it. Then we threw the drinks back and brought the glasses back down to the bar with a loud thud.
“You guys won’t go through with it, though,” Julian said, sliding away from us.
“What?! Of course we will,” I called after him.
“Sure you will.” He sounded very sarcastic now.
“We will,” Alex called after him. “We will both get laid tonight!”
“Whatever you say, but I bet it won’t happen,” he continued to tease.
“Watch us! Watch this space, Julian, you naysayer!” I shouted after him.
Julian threw his head back and let out a loud belly laugh.
“Val and I are so getting laid tonight,” Alex said. Maybe a bit too loudly, though. Because suddenly people were looking at us. I tried to hold down a giggle. Alex turned slowly and through his clenched teeth said, “I think I said that too loudly.”
“You think?” I quipped sarcastically. “I think that’s our cue to leave,” I whispered back to him.
“I think you’re right.” We got up and made our way back to the hotel. We checked in again—this time we were in different rooms. Alex walked me to my door.
“Meet in the reception in two hours?” he asked.
“Sure.”
“All dressed up and looking beautiful,” he said.
“I’ll try my hardest.” I opened the door and as I closed it I heard . . .
“You won’t have to try very hard then.”
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
I walked into my room, and then collapsed onto the bed. Some of my hair fell into my face and I inhaled its scent. It smelt good, like jasmine. At least I would have good hair tonight, the rest I wasn’t so sure about. I walked over to my suitcase and pulled out the dress that I’d worn to the ill-fated engagement party. It was the smartest thing I had. I pulled my engagement shoes out too, one still had dry mud clinging to the heel so I walked outside to clean it on the grass. I rubbed it several times before the thick mud started coming off. And then a familiar rustle in the bushes again . . .
I didn’t even need to look up to know who was there.
“What?” I asked, tilting my head up and coming face to face with him. “Mmm?” I implored. He tilted his head down, as if he was looking at my shoe. Again, he looked like he was mocking me. Judging me.
“What? You also think I won’t get laid tonight?” I asked him.
He raised his wrinkly little head and looked me straight in the eye as if he didn’t believe me.
I scoffed. “Wait and see, my wrinkly friend. Just wait and see.” I turned and walked back into my room, determined now. It was time to start getting ready. And if I was going to be scoring tonight, a little bit of pruning might be in order. I took the wax strips to the bathroom with me and closed the door.
I looked down at the box. It was a happy, pink-looking box. In retrospect, the box should have been red, with bright letters on it: “WARNING: this product has been forged in the flames of hell and will scald your vagina,” or something dramatic like that. It promisedNo mess, no fuss, no hot wax and clumps. But it lied.
Still, I was getting laid tonight! That’s right, people. L. A. I. D. Capitals. Laid. So there was no way I was going to let anyone navigate down there with it looking like the Amazon rain forest. Besides, if I was hoping the guy was going to at least find the C-spot, there was no need to distract and confuse him with all the other things that were standing in the way of an actual orgasm. I’d almost forgotten how those felt, what with the lack of action I’d seen.
I pulled the strips out. I’d used these cold wax strips a few times before, they were usually pretty easy. I rubbed the strips between my hands and pulled a few apart, laying them carefully on the counter.
I was already in my underwear and pulled my panties down. Then I got myself into the right position, i.e., one leg up on the toilet seat. I tried not to look at myself in the mirror, this was by anyone’s standards an incredibly undignified pose.
“Right. Okay.” I looked down at it thoughtfully.Which part to tackle first?I wasn’t going for a full bald eagle here, just a neat short back and sides. “Right,” I said again, bending my head as far forward as I possibly could in order to get a full picture of the situation.
