I looked at everyone and suddenly felt gutted that they were talking about Ryan like this. It seemed such a pity, and so unnecessary that everyone should hate going to work because of him.
“Has he always been so . . .” I paused, thinking about what word to choose.
“Rude, asshole-ish, mean, douchebaggy?” Juniper asked.
I shrugged. “I mean, I wasn’t going to choose those words, but—”
“Yes! He’s always been this bad, although he did get worse about two years ago,” Ayanda said.
“Oh, I remember that,” Juniper said. “Didn’t something bad happen to him?”
“Bad?” I asked, sitting up straighter.
Ayanda shrugged. “You know what he’s like, he would never say, but I did overhear him talking about a funeral once.”
“Shame. Who died?” I asked, feeling very concerned all of a sudden.
“Who knows?” Juniper said. “That man is a mystery. Probably onenotworth solving, though.”
“Did you hear that one rumor about him from before The Great Culling?” Ayanda said.
“The Great Culling?” I asked.
She nodded. “Mmm, that was about five years ago when he fired almost everyone and then retrenched the rest. I’m one of the ones who made it.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Rumor was that he hooked up with someone from work and it ended badly—she cheated, or he did, or she betrayed him, or he did, or something.”
“That’s very vague,” I said, trying to figure out if there was anything to this.
“She probably cheated,” Juniper said. “I bet he doesn’t even have sex. He’s so bloody stiff and formal! That guy needs to loosen up. I bet he hasn’t gotten laid in years. And if he does get laid, I bet he wears a suit while doing it.” She and Ayanda burst out laughing and I watched, trying to force some laughter too but feeling uncomfortable. Ayanda stopped laughing and then raised her drink to her lips thoughtfully. “Unless he does have sex. Unless he’s all freaky and Mr. Grey and shit in bed! Whips and paperclips and stuff like that.”
Juniper burst out laughing again. “Well, he is totally hot. We’ll give him that.”
I quickly swallowed my drink. All this talk of Ryan and sex was making me feel a little strange. I didn’t know if I wanted to participate in this conversation; in some strange way, I felt like I would be betraying him if I did.
My phone beeped in my pocket and I pulled it out. I did a double take when I saw the message. I almost spat my drink out of my mouth.
Ryan:How’s drinks?
“What?” Ayanda asked. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“Uh . . . I think I might have.” I turned my phone around and they all looked at it.
“Oh my God!” Ayanda and Juniper gasped and leaned across the table.
Ayanda shook her head. “Don’t tell him you’re having fun, or he’ll want to ruin it.”
Juniper nodded in agreement. “He can probably sense you’re having a good time and is swooping in to ruin it.”
“Guys, he’s not that bad,” I said, taking another sip of my long pink cocktail.
“Do you know that he doesn’t even come to the office Christmas party that we all have?” Ayanda said. “He doesn’t even know why we have one. Old Scrooge McScroogy.”
“And,” Juniper chipped in, “he told us to stop bringing in cake for people’s birthdays because it’s messy and it takes up too much time! And he calls us all by our surnames. Who does that?”
“What should I say?” I asked them, waving my phone in the air.
