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“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m trying to make up for that.”
“I’m not the one you need to worry about.”
He nodded. “I’m just… I’m a man.”
I interrupted him before he could say anything further. “Really? You’re a man? Are you sure?” All the anger and hurt that had built up since the day he left raised to the surface and spilled out of my mouth.
He blinked but didn’t say anything, so I continued, “I mean, obviously, physically, you have the appearance of a man. But if you say, ‘I’m a man,’ are you saying it because you feel the need to validate yourself, or what? A man doesn’t just leave his wife and kids. A man fights for what he wants or at least tells his wife face to face that he’s in love with another woman. And guess what: he still sticks around to be with his kids.”
Dex didn’t say anything. He just looked at me with sad eyes.
“Dad,” Max whispered behind me.
Clearing his throat, Ray tapped me on the shoulder. “Can I speak to you outside for a minute?”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I was trying to calm my racing heart.
“Hey, Max,” Dex said.
“Why don’t you come inside, Dex? Spend time with Max. I’ll be right back,” I invited. Dex entered my home, and I walked outside with Ray. We approached his truck, which was parked in my driveway.
Ray put his clipboard, measuring tape, and pen on the passenger seat of his truck. He walked back over to the driver’s side and reached out his hand for mine. His eyes were misty. “Cass.” His voice cracked. “I like you. I like you a lot, but…”
He likes me? I felt shaky and uneasy. But there’s a but.
“I will not be a barrier between another man and his children. I am going to back off a bit. Call me after you help Dex and Kyra get their relationship back on track. I know the pain a father goes through when a kid doesn’t want anything to do with him. It breaks a man down.”
“But…”
He shook his head and put a finger to my lips, then kissed my forehead. He got into his truck, put on his sunglasses, and backed out of my driveway.
I felt jumbled up inside. A mixture of sadness, anger, and betrayal. Most of the emotions were from Dex, but the sadness was from Ray. I understood where he was coming from, but that didn’t mean I wanted him to leave. If anything, I wanted him to stay. I crossed my arms and stood there in the driveway for a few minutes. I didn’t have a clue what to do next. Fine. Go back into the house. Talk to Kyra. I nodded to myself. That was a good place to start.
I tapped on Kyra’s door. When she answered, “Go away,” I took it as my queue to let myself in. I opened her door to find her sitting on her bed hugging her knees. Tears were streaming down her face.
“Kyra, I know you're mad at your dad, and a part of you is mad at me. I wish that I’d had the strength and ability to be a great mom when he left. I should not have let you carry so much weight and responsibility. For that, I’m sorry.”
She was still looking down at her sock-covered feet and hugging her knees. I stroked her back.
“But it’s not okay for you to carry all the anger and hurt inside you. You have to let it go. Otherwise, it will eat you up and cause you to be a bitter and angry person. You need to forgive your dad.”
“No,” she muttered. More tears trickled down her cheeks.
“You don’t have to forgive him right now. You can take all the time you need. But understand, he’s only human. He fell in love with someone. He got swept up and couldn’t see what he was doing to the people who loved him. He’s your father, and he does love you. Why do you think he sends you e-mails day after day, even though you never write him back? Why do you think he calls every weekend, even though you never want to talk to him?”
She sniffed. She was thinking about it.
“I think you should at least spend time with him and talk to him while he is here. Otherwise you will end up regretting it later in life.”
She sniffed again and sighed.
She surprised me by reaching over and hugging me tightly. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you, too, baby girl.” I kissed her cheek and said, “How about we go up front and see what your dad and brother are doing?”
She took a deep breath. “Okay.”
Chapter Thirteen
