“You have to be open to it though.” He almost whispered this part, as if it was some great secret.
“Open, you say . . .” I stood up out of my chair when it dawned on me. Going out into the desert on a kind of sojourn of self-discovery would make amazing content! I could take photos of myself out there in the quiet emptiness under the setting sun. #soulsearching
“You know what, you’re right. I am all about making myself new. I’m all about inspiring and discovering and exploring and getting to know myself and nature. And my followers love journeys of self-discovery, hashtag spiritualawakening.”
“Uh . . . yeah, no!” he said flatly and then that giant hand reached out again. That huge one with the red fluff on the freckled knuckles. “I’m not really sure that’s what I meant, lass. I meant something spiritual that was just for you.”
I looked at him and scrunched my face up. “Why would I do something just for me?” I shook my head. What was the point of doing something if it couldn’t be shared? Not that I could share it right now, but I could keep it for later. Kyle always said that if we did something that wasn’t worthy of posting about, then we might as well not do it.
“So, how do I get into this desert?” I asked.
He smiled again; this time it did look forced. “We’re sort of surrounded by it.”
I nodded. “So I should just walk out this door and, what—carry on walking out of the town and into the desert?”
“Exactly.”
“Right!” I nodded at him. “I can do that! I am going to go and find myself and have a spiritual awakening in the desert.” And with that, I walked straight out.
“Good luck,” he shouted after me.
Luck!I scoffed. Why would I need luck if I was walking towards enlightenment?
CHAPTER 8
I could see my new vlog. It would be amazing. It could start when I got back from my spiritual awakening in the barren desert. Alone, under the sun, only the grasshoppers to keep me company. Instead of posting workouts in the gym, squatting in my new gym clothes and wearing the latest make-up, I would take photos of myself meditating and doing yoga at sunset. I would definitely go vegan, maybe even raw vegan. I would stop bleaching my hair, let it grow and embrace the curls. Maybe I would even add blue mermaid streaks to it and beads. I needed a new wardrobe for this, obviously. I couldn’t wear Adidas sports gear anymore, I needed something flowing, something that spoke to my new spiritual vibe. I could partner with essential oil companies, and do yoga retreats and all that stuff, and I would no longer be fake and inauthentic.
Yes, I was determined to have a spiritual experience out here and let that be my new defining brand voice. Frankie, who ran away from it all, who turned to the solace and quiet of the desert and found herself. Ha! I bet you @TheKyleWhite101 would hate that, if I swooped back in with a totally new angle. It would be me saying that I didn’t need him anymore because I had found me. The real me. And then people would like me again and I would be somebody once more.
I excitedly started writing new posts in my head; I would need a completely new vocabulary for my new persona. I would need to be all chakra and chi. Mantra and mindfulness. Awakened and looking out of my third eye with crystal healing clarity. I would need to change my name, of course, @FengShuiFrankie maybe.
I walked to the end of the main street in town. It ended abruptly and the tar crumbled away into sand and rocks. I loved the sound of the rocky ground under my shoes; it would make a great ASMR video. But my gosh it was hot out here, and it was autumn! Heat pressed down on me like an iron to clothing. It was suffocating and I could really do without it while trying to have my spiritual reawakening—it was very distracting.
I walked some more. The ground was flat and small, dry bushes were the only things that dotted the landscape. Some shoots of yellow grasses seemed to be clinging onto life. In front of me, huge mountain ranges rose up. Everything was a reddish brown here, no green in sight. The sky was blue and completely cloudless. I wiped my brow as I walked. Crap, I didn’t know how much longer I could put up with this weather. My spiritual awakening better bloody come soon, because all I wanted now was to be in the shade, a glass of iced water in hand. I shielded my face from the sun with my hands—I should have brought a hat. And worn sunscreen! But I hadn’t thought of any of that as I’d marched out the restaurant and straight into this godforsaken place.
God, it was quiet out here!Unnervingly so. I looked back over my shoulder; the town was still right behind me, I hadn’t even gone that far. And then, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a streak of black movement. I swung around so fast I almost lost my balance. It was Satan’s Little Helper, and he was watching me.
I held my hand up at him. “Oh, you would, would you? Come out here and follow me like this.”
“Rrruuuff!”
I glared at him. “Whatever! I don’t care anyway, because I’m about to have a spiritual reawakening. Besides, I’m not even sure you’re real! I think you might be some kind of figment of my imagination!” I looked away from him and then threw my head in the air and marched as fast as I could into the dry, brittle shrubbery. He started walking too, about ten meters away from me, mirroring my steps. I stopped, and he stopped. I walked again, and he walked. Stopped. Walked. Stopped.
This was getting ridiculous. I was being followed around by the world’s ugliest dog, who might or might not be a hallucination. Or wait . . . maybe this was all part of my spiritual experience. Maybe the black dog was actually a metaphor for something else? But let’s get real—what the hell would a hideous black dog be a metaphor for anyway?
I started jogging now, jumping over prickly shrubs as I went. God, it was hot. I didn’t know how much longer I could keep this up. Satan’s Little Helper was also jogging, and then, all of a sudden, he changed pace and started racing towards me. His tongue was hanging out of his mouth and he was panting. He looked determined and started barking frantically. I ran faster and faster, but then he was in front of me. I almost fell over him as he came to an abrupt stop. A massive cloud of red dust shot into the air and I could feel it in my eyes and taste it in my mouth.
“What are you doing?” I groaned, wiping the dust out of my eyes. His barking grew louder and now it had been joined by deep, throaty growls. With the dust out of my eyes, I could finally see what he was barking at, and when I did—
“SNAKE!” Mother-effing, head-rearing, fang-showing, scaly and coiled, bloody snake. I froze for a second. It was very inconvenient. I had wished that my innate, instinctual response could have been more of the “flight” variety, but I guess I was a freezer. Luckily, some common sense finally kicked in a few seconds later and my freeze ended with a very fast turn and run the hell out of there!
I ran as fast as I could, not caring that the dry grass and shrubs were scratching at my ankles. And I didn’t stop running until I reached my hotel room. When I got there, I looked back over my shoulder for the first time. Satan’s Little Helper wasn’t behind me, and neither was the snake. I threw myself into my room and tried to catch my breath. I was so relieved to be out of that stupid desert.
Spiritual shmiritual awakening, my bloody ass. What awakening can you have out there amongst the dry, decrepit landscape with a snake in your face? There was nothing spiritual about the desert, nothing spiritual about me. What had I been thinking, reinventing myself as some kind of enlightened, guru blogger? I looked down at my ankles which were now streaked red with blood, the color looking hideous against my now fading Tropical Days spray tan, one of my former product partners. I was pouring with salty, sticky sweat and gasping for air. I wiped my face with the back of my hand and a brown smear of foundation came off on it. I was sure the skin on my face was sunburnt too, because it was stinging. I was sure a thorn had pierced my foot because I could feel something pricking there, and I was sure that I absolutely fucking hated it here.I needed to get away from this place.
What had I been thinking? A social media detox?! I hadn’t heard of anything more stupid in my life and yet, here I was. What was wrong with me?
I couldn’t do this! I needed reception and Wi-Fi like I needed water to drink and air to breathe. I had never needed anything so badly in my entire life and I felt like I was drowning in this intense longing for something I couldn’t have. I couldn’t stay here a second longer.
