I smiled back. “Well, then, I’ve learned two things about you today. Fast metabolism. Sensitive nose.”
He gave a small chuckle, those glasses of his slipped down his nose again and he pushed them up.
“Ever considered contact lenses?” I heard myself say without thinking.
“Yeah, but then I would have to touch my eyeball.”
“True!”
We looked at each other for a while, and that little feeling of familiarity niggled again. I was just about to open my mouth and say something, when he turned and started walking away.
“Thanks,” I called after him again, and then turned my attention to Cujo in the corner.
CHAPTER 16
“Look, if we’re going to share a room for the next day, we’re going to have to do something about the way you smell,” I said. He was sprawled out across the floor. Lying on his back, his legs flopping in the air, clearly enjoying the feel of the breeze from the overhead fan on his exposed belly. He turned his head and looked over at me, tongue hanging out of his mouth. His tongue was so long that it hung all the way to the carpet where a small puddle of drool had gathered.Gross!
I walked to the bathroom and ran a bath. When it was full and the temperature was a perfect lukewarm, I clapped my hands together and, within seconds, Cujo was standing by my legs. He looked up at me, as if waiting for me to tell him what to do. I sat on the side of the bath, moving my hands over the water. He approached the bath tentatively and eyeballed the water with great suspicion.
“Come on.” I splashed the water, trying to make it look enticing, but when he didn’t budge, I hiked my skirt up and climbed in.
“Come on, come on.” I clapped my hands together again, standing calf deep in the water. He moved a little closer, until he was standing right next to the bath. Cautiously, he stuck his nose over the edge and sniffed. He looked up at me with his one eye and I nodded at him. A reassuring nod that hopefully conveyed that it was okay to come on in. And then he lifted his paw and touched the water, patting its surface gently, hardly moving it, and then, as his ease grew, he slapped it, sending drops flying. He barked and tried to catch the drops in his mouth, his tail started to wag and then . . .
“Oh my God!” I shouted and covered my face as an avalanche of water slammed into me. He’d jumped straight into the bath, sending most of the water flying out. I swatted the flying splashes as he thumped about excitedly, as if he’d never been in this much water before. Maybe he hadn’t. I climbed out and dried my face with a towel and watched him cavort around.
He looked so happy. Full of joy. As if this simple thing, a bath of water, was the best thing he’d ever seen before. He bit the water with his mouth, buried his entire head in it and blew bubbles, surprising himself every time when the bubbles popped on the surface. Finally, when he looked exhausted, he flopped down onto his belly and rested his head on the lip of the bath. He looked up and me and I swear he was giving me a snaggletoothed smile.
“Right.” I picked up a bottle of shampoo and poured a stripe of pink liquid from his head to his tail. “We are going to have you smelling like jasmine in no time,” I said, as I lowered my hands to his coarse, wiry fur and began rubbing. It took ages; he was huge and long and his fur was as thick as anything I’d ever felt before. The lather built up so much, that at some stage I was scooping out handfuls of the stuff and dumping it into the sink. The water was now stained a dark brown. Small twigs, dry leaves and dead beetles were floating on the surface of the brown goo.
When it was time to rinse him, I pulled the handheld shower off the wall. I was just about to turn it on when I heard a noise. He’d fallen asleep with his head on the lip of the bath. I watched him, this big, sleeping dog, and something about this scene made my stomach clench. He looked so peaceful and content that I felt bad when I turned the water on and woke him. He didn’t seem to mind though, and when we were finally done and I’d let all the water out, I wrapped a towel around him and rubbed until he was as dry as I could get him.
“There! All done.” I removed the towel and immediately regretted it when he shook his body so hard that he coated the ceiling in drops of water. I took him back to the bedroom, pulled out my hairdryer and set about drying him while I brushed him with a brush (I would throw it away after this, obviously). But there was something about the repetitive movement of the brush over his coat, and the continuous sound of the hairdryer droning on, that made me start talking. For some reason, I spoke about things I hadn’t spoken about in years. The things I hadn’t told anyone. The things I was scared and ashamed of. I told him about my fears and my childhood and the lonely time and the teasing and bullying and how all those words somehow seeped into me and ate away from the inside like a cancer. Eating away at my self-worth, my self-esteem. I told him how I found out that my stepdad wasn’t actually my real dad and that in a way I’d felt relieved; it certainly explained the way he treated my sister and me differently. How he favored her more than me and never bothered to hide it. I told him about my mother’s love life, how she was on her fifth marriage already. Dan the dentist was lucky number five, and then I told him all about Kyle and me.
I’d been so flattered when Kyle had slid into my DMs that fateful day. I’d admired him from afar for years, listening to his Monday motivation videos about self-improvement and Personal, Massive, Explosive Smash Through™, watching his workout videos and ogling his hot pictures. He was everything that I wanted to be with his fame and followers and brand endorsements. And so when he’d messaged me and asked if I wanted to do a brand collab with him, well, I’d jumped. Having someone like Kyle say he admired me, it was all I’d ever wanted. So, I’d been more than happy to take all his advice over the years about how I could better myself, do better and justbebetter.
Explosive Smash Through™better.
And then I told him about the elevator and the white envelope and by the time I was done, I realized that I had tears streaming down my cheeks. Cujo never looked up at me while I talked, but his good ear was constantly pricked up and pointed in my direction. Talking to him felt strange, but good. And I realized that I hadn’t spoken to anyone like this in person for years. I poured my heart out to him and I knew that he was capable of holding it and keeping my secrets safe inside. He would never tell anyone; instead, he would absorb them and they would be a part of him and, in some way, this immediately made me feel lighter and less alone. By the time I was done, he was fast asleep on the floor. I leaned in and put my nose to his big neck and took a deep breath—he smelled of soft, powdery jasmine and I smiled. I popped in theSawDVD and pressed play and then looked down at the dog.
“Need the toilet yet?” I asked.
But he didn’t budge; instead, he started snoring.
CHAPTER 17
I woke up the next morning and jumped out of bed. I’d barely gotten any sleep and my sleep app wasn’t working so I had no way of knowing how long my REM cycle had been, which made me feel very unsettled. I like to know and track how many good quality hours of sleep I get. But even without it, I could tell it hadn’t been long.
Saw!
Why would Mark have given me a movie like that? I needed to talk to him about that and take all the others back. Clearly, he had questionable taste in films. But in my sheer terror last night I’d forgotten to take Cujo out to the toilet. I smelled the air. I didn’t smell anything and I couldn’t believe I was actually doing this. Me, sniffing the air for dog shit, and actuallywantingto smell it. I walked the room, checking the corners, checking under things, checking on things. This was impossible—this dog hadn’t taken a crap in a day. What dog doesn’t do that?
“You didn’t do it!” I said to him, putting my hands on my hips. This was unacceptable. This dog needed to go! I still wanted out of this place and he was my ticket to freedom.
I knocked on Samirah’s door and she opened it almost immediately. I’d had to sneak Cujo out of the hotel room so the manager hadn’t seen us.
“Is everything okay?” she asked, looking a little tired, as if she also hadn’t gotten much sleep; she could do with a sleep app. I glanced down at her belly which looked bigger today. How was that possible?
“No!” I said emphatically. “It is certainlynotokay.”
