“Thing is, I hadn’t expected that to happen between us,” he said and then stopped. I leaned in and waited for more, but it didn’t come.
“And?” I pressed.
He shook his head. “Nothing. I wasn’t expecting that last night, and it just caught me off guard and I’m sorry if I made you feel . . .”
“Unattractive,” I offered.
“Unattractive? What the hell are you talking about?” He looked shocked.
“I mean, I kissed you and then you stopped and walked away, so I just assumed that you thought I was—”
“NO! No,” he cut me off. “I didn’t think you were . . . Jesus, why would you think that? I mean, look at you. You’re not . . . at all.”
“Oh.” I blinked.
“Me walking away had nothing to do with you, it was all me,” he said quickly. “And besides, I kissed you back, if you remember?”
“So it’s not me, it’s you?” I asked sarcastically, not sure I believed him.
“Totally.” He nodded. “I really don’t think you’re . . . I can’t even say that word. It’s terrible.”
We stared at each other and my stomach tightened. I felt so vulnerable in that moment and I hated it.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “For how I made you feel and for what happened and—”
I held my hand up to stop him. The more he talked, the worse I felt. “It’s fine,” I said quickly.
“Is it?” he pressed.
I took a moment to think about it, and then nodded. “It’s fine. I’m an adult. You’re an adult. Some shit happened, and then it didn’t and now we’re talking in your kitchen in the middle of the night and you are half naked.”
Mark smiled at this, a smile so big and dazzling that I felt like I needed to look away, but couldn’t.
“So . . . Friends?” he asked.
I forced a nod, because suddenly friends sounded like a bad word. “Sure.” I looked into the dark. I felt I had to, or else I would give away my feelings, even though I wasn’t totally sure what they were. I hadn’t meant to do it again, but my eyes rested on his cottage once more. I stared at it while I tried to sort through the myriad of thoughts and feelings rushing through my mind. I heard Mark sigh and then footsteps coming towards me.
“I guess I could clean it out, if you want to stay there? But it’s nothing fancy. It doesn’t even have warm water. If you wanted to take a bath, you’ll have to come inside.”
“What? No. I wasn’t hinting.”
“You were looking at it though,” he said.
“I was, but I wasn’t trying to make you offer it to me.”
Mark smiled. “I’m offering it to you anyway.”
“Really?” I perked up.
“But you have to give me a day or so to clean it out. Can you stay at Samirah’s for another night?”
“I’m sure I can. What’s in the place, I can help you clear it out?” I offered.
“Nothing. Just old crap. Most of it needs to be thrown away.”
“Cool, I can do that.”
He shook his head. “I better do it.”
