Noah leaned across the table. “You don’t have to do this. I once got called out to a party where a bunch of teens had dared each other to eat chilis and one guy got so sick he had to be rushed to hospital.”
“Lucky for me, then, that I have a trained medical professional here.”
I hadn’t realized that eating the pepper was such a big deal, though, because soon, the waiter returned with a giant silver cloche, as well as two chefs, the manager and a few other onlookers. The manager put a piece of paper down on the table in front of me and passed me a pen.
“What’s this?”
“We need you to sign an indemnity form before eating it,” he said.
“Wait. No.” Noah covered the paper with his hands. “You don’t want to eat something that you have to sign an indemnity form for!” He sounded genuinely concerned, and for some reason, this felt good. It felt good to have him care about my wellbeing. Even though I didn’t feel that concerned myself.
“It’ll be fine.” I felt strangely confident. “I think I like hot food!”
“You do?”
“I do, actually!” I said happily, putting the pen to the paper, but then I hesitated. Shit! I didn’t know my name. But I wasn’t going to tell them that, they probably wouldn’t let me eat a blazing pepper with no name and no memory. I scribbled a signature, making up a name, and then passed the paper back to them. I caught Noah looking down at the paper curiously as I passed it back.
The cloche was put on the table with great ceremony and the lid lifted with a dramatic flourish. I almost expected a drum roll to fill the air. I looked down, and there it was. Tiny and red. The silver plate dwarfed it, which made it look incredibly ominous.
“Is that it?” Noah eyed the small red thing.
“Don’t let its size fool you,” the waiter said, looking so pleased with himself as he put a glass of milk down for me. “As they say, dynamite comes in small packages.”
“The rules are simple,” the manager said, also looking like he was enjoying himself very much. “You have to eat and swallow the entire chili in one minute. And if you do, your meal is free and you get your photo on the habanero wall of fame over there.” He pointed and I looked at the back of the room, where there was a wall of photos. There were not a lot of photos and—
“No! No!” Noah said. “Look at all those people. Look at their faces, they look like they’re about to collapse!”
“I’ll be fine,” I urged. “Let’s do this.” I looked up at the manager and gave him a firm, confident nod and then I picked the pepper up and eyeballed it.
“On your marks, get set,” the waiter said, holding his cell phone.
“No!” Noah said quickly.
“GO!” The waiter shouted over Noah’s protests and a cheer broke out around me, which soon turned into an excited chant, as many of the patrons who’d been previously sitting were up on their feet, coming towards the table.
Without much thought, I shoved the whole thing in my mouth and bit down.
“At least eat it in little bites. Small bites!” Noah said, flapping his hand at me. I thought he might pull the thing out of my mouth if he could.
“No. All at once is better!” the manager assured him.
Everyone leaned in as I bit down and started chewing, eyebrows raised in a kind of mutual question. The question was not hard to guess, and the more I chewed, the higher the eyebrows went and the more they leaned, until all I could see were dozens of eyes and brows looking at me.
“And?” Noah was the first to speak.
“Mmmm,” I mumbled as the first rush of heat hit me like a ten-ton truck on my tongue. “Whoa!” I opened my mouth and fanned my tongue with my hand. “Whoa!”
“You okay?” Noah asked.
I nodded my head, fast. I could feel tears dripping down my cheeks as my eyes watered and stung. “WHOOOO!” I fanned my mouth some more. “H.O.T.!”
“Thirty seconds to go!” the manager announced.
“Okay!” I slapped my hands down on the table hard, palms first. And then started bashing the table with each fiery bite. Soon a chant had broken out around me and a countdown had begun.
“Ten, nine, eight . . .”
I chewed faster and faster. I was going to swallow this thing, come hell or high water. I could feel the tears streaming down my face, and my nose was starting to run too.
