‘Already.’ He smiled and crossed his legs casually.
‘Wow, okay.’ I continued to fan my face. Even though there was a breeze this evening, I was still hot, and now it felt like sweat might be forming in my hairline. ‘And when exactly did you fall in love with me?’ I asked.
He shrugged casually. ‘I think there were a few times that I fell in love with you. Like when we were looking at the Vampire together, or when I saw you with your dogs, when I saw you winning your card game, when I saw how scared you were of cats, when I first heard your little snoring noises, when I saw you with your family, saw you with my family, when we danced at the wedding, when I unzipped your dress, saw how good you were at swimming, how good you look naked, when you told me about ancient Greek penile sizes and wondered where merpeople’s sex organs were, and when you call me Flightbird Six Zero Zero.’
‘I call you that all the time. I’ve called you that for months.’
‘I know.’
I closed my eyes. I fluttered my fingers together a few times, trying to take this information in. Trying to readjust the picture I had of Andrew in my head. Because fake boyfriend Andrew, the picture I had in my head, was no longer the same as the Andrew sitting in front of me telling me he was in love with me. Mind you, if I really considered it, I don’t think he’d beenfakeboyfriend Andrew for a while now. Maybe even from that very first weekend together. I sat in silence and bit my lips, chewing on them while I mulled on his words.
‘I want the frozen peas with you, Pippa,’ Andrew said softly, leaning forward in his seat. ‘I want it to be real with you. No more faking it.’
‘The frozen peas,’ I echoed softly, knowing exactly what he meant.
‘Or the frozen sweetcorn, if you prefer.’
‘I hate sweetcorn. It always gets stuck in the back of my throat.’
‘Peas it is then.’ We both went silent. I didn’t know what he was thinking, but I knew what I was thinking. I had not prepared for this kind of a conversation. I had not practiced it in my mind, so I didn’t know what to say.
‘You don’t have to say anything back to me. And certainly not now. I know you need time when it comes to things like this.’
‘So then why tell me now?’
‘Because I couldn’tnottell you any more. It’s been on the tip of my tongue for months now. Every time I see you I have to force myself to hold it back. When we talk on the radio, I have to pinch my leg to stop myself from blurting it out while I ask you for the vectors for the ILS. I had to say it.’
‘That would be inappropriate,’ I said.
‘It would be.’
‘And I would also hate that,’ I said. ‘I don’t do public displays of emotion. I could think of nothing worse than laying all my private feelings and emotions out there for everyone to see and hear.’
‘I know that about you too.’ He chuckled quietly.
‘You keep saying that you know me, but you don’t know everything about me.’ I picked at my cuticle nervously.
‘So tell me then.’
I scratched at my cuticle more. ‘I’m not good in relationships. I’ve never been good in them. I don’t think I know how to do them properly.’
‘You’ve been doing this one properly,’ he said.
‘But this one is fake.’
Andrew let out a half-scoff, half-laugh sound. ‘This relationship hasn’t been fake for a very long time, possibly even from the very beginning,’ he replied.
‘When people get to know me well, they usually don’t like me,’ I added quickly.
‘That’s just not true. The more I’ve gotten to know you, the more I’ve liked you,no . . .’ he paused and looked straight at me. ‘No,lovedyou.’
‘I’m on the autism spectrum.’ The words rushed out of my mouth, and for some reason Andrew burst out laughing.
‘I’m not trying to make a joke,’ I said. ‘I’m being serious.’
‘I know you are.’ He stood up and walked towards me.
‘Then why are you laughing?’ I asked as he sat down next to me.
