‘Do we at least leave toothbrushes at each other’s houses?’ He sounded amused.
‘Well, that would mean we’re having sex.’
‘Aren’t we? We’ve been together for a few months?’
I turned in my seat and scrutinized Andrew once more. He really was very good-looking and, realistically, if we were dating in real life, I would probably be having sex with him. ‘Okay, fine. We’re having sex.’
‘The enthusiasm in your voice doesn’t make me feel good about myself,’ he joked with a smile on his face. ‘Doesn’t sound like it’s particularly good sex.’
‘I’m afraid you’re only a six out of ten. But you are getting better,’ I quipped.
‘Good to know,’ he said. ‘But average sex aside, are we in love?’
I shrugged. ‘I guess we have to be. Not that I know what that feels like.’
‘You’ve never been in love?’
‘Nope.’
‘Why not?’
‘I don’t know, actually. I’ve been in, like, in obsession. In lust, even. But I don’t think I’ve ever been in love.’
‘Well, if this is going to work, we do need to look like we’re in love,’ he said.
‘And how do we do that?’
‘Some hand-holding might help.’
I instinctively looked down at his hands. He held them up for me to inspect.
‘I do wash them,’ he said.
‘That’s not what I’m looking at.’
‘Then what?’
‘I don’t like it when people have fingers like King Charles – sausagey. It’s very off-putting. But you have good fingers.’
‘Uh . . . thanks. I don’t think anyone has ever complimented my fingers before.’
‘In general, people don’t pay nearly enough attention to fingers as they should. But if you think about it, they may actually be one of our most important features. If it weren’t for our dexterous opposable thumbs, our primitive ancestors wouldn’t have started making tools and evolved into what we are today. If it wasn’t for our thumbs, we would still be covered in hair and living in a cave.’
‘So, is that a yes or a no to holding hands?’
‘I’ll think about it and get back to you,’ I muttered thoughtfully.
‘What if we call each other pet names?’ he asked.
‘I despise pet names.’
‘But no one calls their partners by their real names. As soon as you’re in love, real names go out the window.’
‘Give me an example.’
‘I could call you babe and you could call me dear.’
‘Absolutely not!’
