Pippa:Sort of.
I touched my wet face for a brief moment.
Pippa:Not really.
Andrew:Which bathroom are you in?
Pippa:Downstairs, where the bridesmaids got ready, not upstairs at the venue.
Andrew:Do you want me to come?
I waited before replying; usually, when I was like this, I didn’t want anyone around. But Andrew wasn’t anyone any more, and his presence always made me feel good.
Pippa:Please.
A few moments later he knocked on the door and I ushered him inside.
‘You’ve been crying.’ He came towards me, but I stepped back. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Fine. Fine. I’m . . .’ I clutched the sink and shook my head. ‘Not fine,’ I admitted.
‘Is it something I did? The dance floor?’
I shook my head hard and he looked round the room.
‘Have you smoked . . . do you smoke weed?’
‘God, no! But Tertia and Delia did, and I was stuck in here with them. I’ve been trying to get rid of the smell.’ I pushed the window open even more, and Andrew pushed open the window that was too high for me to reach.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’ he asked.
‘I don’t know. Yes, no. Maybe. It’s hard to tell.’
‘You can talk to me if you want, you know that.’ His fingers brushed over my shoulder, so softly and quickly that I almost missed it. ‘I don’t like seeing you like this.’ His voice had softened to almost a whisper and I felt this overwhelming need to tell him what had happened.
‘They said you were too good for me,’ I blurted out.
‘Who said that?’
‘Delia and Tertia. They said it didn’t make sense that someone like you could be with someone like me because I was weird and off. And also you’re too hot for me, it’s a waste.’
‘Wait, slow down. What?’
‘You and me. Apparently, you’re too nice and normal and as soon as you get to know me, the real me, you’ll break up with me, which is actually one hundred per cent the truth, if you and I were in a real relationship. But it’s not real, so it shouldn’t offend me, but I am offended and I don’t really know why?’
‘I have gotten to know you,’ Andrew said.
‘No, you haven’t,’ I whispered. ‘Not really, anyway. Besides, this is only technically date number four, so you still find me charming or whatever. But after the next one, if this was real, you won’t any more.’
‘What are you even talking about?’ He looked confused, and I didn’t blame him. I felt equally confused, with all these conflicting thoughts and feelings bouncing around inside me.
‘It’s always the way it works. I meet a guy, often they’re quite enamoured with me for a while. They think I’m fascinating and my little foibles are unique, charming even. But there always comes a moment when all of that changes.’
The more time a person spent with me romantically, the less they liked me. My once-endearing eccentricities were stripped of all their appeal and now they were justweird, annoying, peculiarand other synonyms. And it was then that they disappeared. Usually an excuse about it ‘not being me’ was given. Or not being ready for a relationship, or once, I just never heard from the man again. Ever. This was the pattern that all my ‘relationships’ had followed. Get to know me well enough, and apparently I was not enough. And apparently this was a known fact about me. Bee had said so, and now Delia and Tertia knew too.
‘I disagree. I think I’ve gotten to know you pretty well.’
I shook my head. ‘I’m not relationship material,’ I said.
