“So that’s what I’ve been missing, again,” I finally managed to say when my breathing had slowed enough for me to speak. I flinched at the feeling of his fingers stoking me and looked down. My legs were wide open, and he was looking straight into me. I almost closed them, but I didn’t. For some reason I felt a surge of power when I watched him staring at me like that. Staring at me as if he was addicted to what he was seeing. As if there was nothing else in the world he wanted more. He slipped his thumbs between my lips, and then pulled them open. He pulled them wider, until I felt like he had totally opened me up.
“Now it’s time,” he said, and started climbing out from under me. I fell onto the bed, face-first and stayed like that. I heard him pull out the condom, heard the final snap of it as he rolled it down. I waited like that for him to take me from behind, drive into me hard and fast. That would be very in line with what was currently happening—only he didn’t.
He rolled me over softly, placed his hands on either side of my head and then gently pushed my legs open with his knees. It was so smooth and slow it took me a moment to register his cock at my entrance, dipping in slowly and tentatively. He closed his eyes and groaned as he pushed it in just a little more. I watched his face, fascinated and exhilarated that I had this much power over him. I was giving him so much pleasure that he was moaning and trembling just by entering me ever so slightly. And then he finally slid into me. My muscles clenched around his length and width as he pushed his way in. He let out a long, loud moan, and for a moment there, I thought he’d come.
“Fuck, baby. You feel so good,” he said, keeping himself deep inside me. He lowered himself onto his elbows, coming even closer. I held my breath, waiting for him to begin. For him to thrust into me hard, and fast, for him to bite and suck at my nipples while he hammered into me and made me scream, but again, he didn’t. Instead, he kissed me, drawing himself in and out slowly and rhythmically as he did. He reached for my hands now, laced his fingers through mine and pushed them above my head, holding me in place as he made the smallest of moves inside me. He wasn’t pulling in and out anymore. He was moving his hips in small circles, buried deep inside me. His cock was able to trace every angle of me in slow, steady circles. I felt it starting to build. My muscles began clenching and unclenching. I opened my legs wider, wrapped them around him and pulled him closer. He kept kissing me as he rolled his hips in slow, steady circles, building pleasurable pressure inside me. He let go of one of my hands, reached down for my thigh, and pushed it up until my knee was as flat to my chest as it could be. I had no idea it was possible, but he was even deeper inside me now. Filling me, stretching me, making me ride a wave of pleasure that was about to tip me over to the other side.
I arched my back and he held me like this as he thrust into me one more time and I came. He sped up as my orgasm began and drove into me harder and faster. The orgasm kept going with this new and intense pace. He gripped my hips suddenly and then pulled me onto his lap, holding me in place with his huge hands as he slammed into me hard and fast, the sound of him slapping against me just making my orgasm longer and longer until I felt like I might die from it.
He held me close as the last of it fizzled through me. I put my head on his shoulder and stayed there, our bodies slick and wet with sweat, the taste of salt in my mouth and the feel of him still hard inside me. He pulled my head off his shoulder, held me in front of him and started moving inside me again. We rocked together slowly, looking at each other, studying each other’s faces as our bodies moved as one. I had no idea anymore where I ended and he began. I wrapped my legs round his back, sitting on his lap as he rocked me back and forth. He never sped up, never stopped looking at me, and I couldn’t have torn my eyes from his if I’d tried. It was as if he’d locked them in place and thrown away the key. His breathing became louder and faster, but still the pace never sped up—in fact, it slowed. He rocked me gently and slowly on his lap, holding my face still, but kissing me now. I kissed back. Deeply. Our tongues finding each other’s and moving together to the rhythm of our bodies. His grip on my face tightened, mine on his. We pulled our mouths apart when we were no longer able to kiss anymore, our breathing coming out fast and ragged and we moved together until we both came. I watched him closely as he came. His eyes tightened, every single muscle in his body bunched and froze in place as he held on to me as if he would never let me go, and I didn’t want him to let me go. And we didn’t.
When it was over, we wrapped our arms round each other and stayed like that. And this moment felt more intimate than any moment we’d shared before . . .
And it felt so, so good.
Too good.
And it felt like this was exactly where I was supposed to be.
And it absolutely terrified me.
I inhaled and buried my face in his neck. My face fitted there perfectly. My body fitted perfectly. His cock fitted.
Too perfectly.
Uncontrollable tears fell from my eyes. Thankfully, he didn’t notice them because of all the sweat coating our bodies. They were not tears of sadness or happiness. They were tears of terror.
I kept coming back to that statement he’d made earlier about me being afraid to love. And then I sensed that other element that was out of my reach. Something else needed to be added to that equation.What was it?What was the final puzzle piece?
I felt it was becoming clearer to me. It was almost within my grasp. And I also felt that I wasnotgoing to like it when I finally knew what it was.
CHAPTER 52
Max
“Morning. I’msoooohungry!” Ash said, flopping down at the table on the veranda. The lodge had brought our breakfast to the villa today, as I’d asked them to. I didn’t think she would look so perky this morning. In fact, I was sure she would probably be tired and not want to walk to the dining area. But she looked like she was more than ready to walk. She grabbed two yogurts, tipped them over a big bowl of fruit, then drenched the whole thing with honey and granola and began demolishing the food with a big spoon.
“Sex will do that to you,” I teased, sipping my coffee.
“Mmmm, hmmm,” she mumbled, shoveling the food into her mouth enthusiastically. She put the bowl down and reached for the baked goods, grabbing two pains au chocolat. I watched her. There was something about the eating that seemed to be less to do with starvation, and more to do with avoidance.
“You okay this morning?” I asked, growing more concerned as she viciously beheaded the pastries and threw some granola into her mouth next.
“Can I get you a bowl?” I asked, looking at the granola she was clutching in her fingers. She quickly shook her head and then made a beeline for the orange juice.
“I get the feeling something’s wrong?” I asked. She stopped eating and drinking and looked down at the table. I didn’t want to tell her she had a smudge of chocolate on her cheek either, because then she might have wiped it away, and I didn’t want that.
I was so in love with her.
And I didn’t want this to end. I wanted her like this every morning for the rest of my life, shoveling strange combinations of food into her mouth with smudges of chocolate on her face. I put my coffee down, my hand shaking slightly. We were leaving soon, and if I was going to tell her how I felt, it had to be now.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” I said as she poured herself a cup of coffee.
“There’s something I need to tell you too,” she said, not looking at me.
“Ladies first.”
“Okay!” She inhaled deeply, as if readying herself to dive into something. “So, last night was really, really good.” She looked up at me for confirmation, as if she needed it.
